Ask A Married Woman: What Were “Future-Husband Requirements” That Turned Out To Be Wrong?
Editor’s Note: This month we’ve been answering our readers’ questions to married women. Some of our topics have included: When sex is physically painful, initiating with guys, going from virgin to sexy, what to ask a guy before marriage, and being single and feeling left out. Looking for a whole post on how to identify a good man/good match? Here’s one of our most-loved posts of all time: What To Look For In A Man.– Lauren
Lindsay Satterfield: Two weeks before I got married, my fiancé decided to quit his professional music career. Before then, I thought having job security was huge. I learned it’s more important to trust he’s committed and has a solid work ethic. I was still just in love with him while he worked at Starbucks to contribute financially until he figured out what he wanted to do!
Shelly DeVore: I thought I HAD to marry someone older than me, because I found guys my age extremely immature. But my husband is 1.5 years younger and such a wonderful, loving, thoughtful, mature mate.
Lauren Dubinsky: I thought he had to be boring and serious. No but really, I saw the male race divided clearly into “men” and “boys.” Boys were fun, attractive, relatable, carefree, and interesting. Men had 9-5 jobs, a stable life, everything together, spent every friday night the same way, and just the IDEA of dating “a man” bored me to death. Then, I met the right man. And realized that every guy has a good chunk of “boy” in him, and always will. When the man is the right one, the fun will be there – and he won’t be boring.
Carley Lollie: I thought I wanted a highly intellectual, philosophical man, someone who enjoys thinking for the pure enjoyment of thinking. My husband is not like that at all, but his practical, no-nonsense perspective on the world actually complements me very well.
Valerie Bryant: There is only one requirement that truly matters: a man who wants to run hard and fast towards God, with you right beside him. Everything else you imagine that he’s supposed to be — his appearance, his family background, his career, his age — let those fall to the wayside, or you might miss out on someone just because they don’t complete what you think you require. The man I thought I needed, the one I could have checked off all the boxes for? He pales in comparison to the one I got when I stopped narrowing my focus.
Rachel Vander Ley: Oh so many! My husband does not sing me to sleep while he plays his guitar, and you know, I’m still perfectly content to sleep next to him every night. If you make a list (which I did at a Bible study), you’ll know which ones are deal-breakers and which ones are just nice to have on there. Keep that in mind and little things won’t become big things.
Caitlyn Stiffler: Prior to being a Christian, I thought you had to “test drive” before committing. I also pictured myself with a man with a college degree and a white picket fence, and I ended up marrying a tour manager who is gone 6 months out of the year and with 4 other male roommates living in half a duplex.
Sarah Bessey: Things like vocation turned out to be unimportant. We have both changed careers – and even callings. You learn to separate yourself and your marriage from what you “do.” Almost everything in our lives has changed and shifted, friends have come and gone, jobs have changed, we’ve had babies, now we’re raising them, and so on. Those things – the “stuff” of life isn’t as important as you may think. What is important is allowing each other to change, and to change together, in step.
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