What I Learned About Enlisting In War In 2011

Editor’s Note: Michelle Gutierrez recently quit her job in Arizona and traveled to Sydney, Australia to pursue what God has in store for her life outside of the office. She’s learning a lot about herself on this extended holiday and grown in a deeper understanding for the Lord and His faithfulness during the rough seasons. She loves social media marketing and has an obsession with green tea. You can find her tweeting about her travels and more from @gtea. – Lauren

Growing up around Christians, I became quickly distracted with religion. I became distracted with the image of Christians – what they wore, sang, and did with their spare time. I became distracted with the rules and the controls within a church, and lost sight of the reason Christians gathered together. So distracted that when Christians failed me, I thought God did as well.

But God never fails. He’s the victor of a battle that goes on against evil (Ephesians 6:12).

It wasn’t until this year that I fully realized my role in this spiritual battle. That I am called to be a a soldier, placing the full armor of God on every day (Ephesians 6:13). And some days I forget to. Some days I still get distracted with guys, shopping, beauty, gossip, and money. In fact most days I get distracted, but God never does. He is faithful, even when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13).

This was one of those nights when I realized my sorrow in forgetting that I am a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

Father, I want all these things, but it would break my heart if I want them to replace you. Father God, I don’t want to fall out of love with You. That’s the truth. Father God, I would be lost without you. You have healed my brokenness in more ways than I could have ever imagined. You have stuck by my side closer than any other friend or boyfriend I have had. You are always there to listen. You are always able to meet my needs. You are always able to give perfect wisdom. You have the perfect plan. You are loving and caring no matter what. You are glorious and large-and-in-charge, manly and amazing. Father God, I don’t want to fall out of love with you. You have dried my tears with your Words when I was weeping in bed alone. You told me that I was beautiful even when I hurt my body, gained weight, or shoved a ton of food into my mouth.

Father God, You said that You didn’t care if I didn’t feel like I wasn’t enough. You told me You are enough. You told me Your Son died for me. You told me that You love me and will never let go. You told me that You are going to support me, hold my hand, and take care of me. You told me that I don’t have to be perfect. You are.

Father God, writing that pains me to think of the ways that I have wronged You and sinned against You. Writing that makes me tear up in thinking how much I broke Your heart every time that I committed adultery against You. Every time that I cheated on You, Your heart hurt.

Father, draw me into Your heart. Draw me into who You are and how to be obedient to You. Father I have read Your Word, and I don’t want You to just exist on paper. I want You to be living in me and doing miracles through me and dripping off my tongue in the conversations that I have with people.

I want You to hold my hand and lead me back to the cross, where the greatest love story was ever told. Where You died. You died, and then lead me to the grave where You rose. You rose for me. You defeated death for me. You told the Devil: No! Hands off, this one is mine. This woman I adore and will do anything for. This woman, Michelle, is the most amazing creation. She is special and I love her, and I will always love her. You cannot have her. Devil back off! She is beautiful isn’t she? And I will treat her like she is. Your lies are terrible, and you have tainted and hurt her. No more. No more. My Son defeated you by dying and rising again. And now she will fight you as well. Take that!

Father, when I am distracted will You remind me of that? When I think that anything on this earth is more than enough. Remind me that nope, Your love story is enough. You have captured my heart before anything else. You are the alpha, omega, beginning and end. Lead me to Your heart, that I may love other people just as you love them Father. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It just doesn’t matter if they think that I am crazy. I want to love people well. Would You give me a mind that can soak up the Word like a sponge? Would You give me a mind that continues to fight for this love?

I love you Father, and I don’t want anything else. Your love is satisfying and continues for eternity. Your love changes me and changes other people. Your love makes us do crazy things. Unbelievable and miraculous things. Things that only love made complete here on earth can do. Your kingdom – show glimpses of what Your kingdom will be like to the unbelievers that I am around. Make your name know through me, Father.

I have found myself in You. Keep my eyes from being distracted by the places and the things that I see. Keep my ears from hearing the lies in music, people, or places. Keep me hearing and seeing You, even in the darkness.

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