They Do Exist.

Christian Dating: Do’s And Don’ts

Editor’s Note: I almost re-titled Nicole’s post, “How To Get A Guy.” So much of our single and dating conversations revolve around being content on our own, but it’s also necessary that we start a conversation on the right way to date. Today’s post is written by Nicole Cottrell over at Modern Reject. She tweets at @ModernReject and has a pretty some pretty blunt (and much needed) advice on dating. – Lauren

Recently, a few girls I know in their twenties wanted to talk with me about “being single.” They asked me an array of questions like, “Why do I need to be single? How can I be content while being single? How do I let a guy pursue me?” and so on.

This post could go into a million different directions. The topic of “singledom” is always a hot one, especially in Christian circles. I’d like to hone in on one particular facet of the single Christian life: Dating.

To those who are married, “dating” sounds almost like a four letter word. My skin kinda crawls and I think, “Man, I’m so glad that’s over.” Terrible, right? I mean, I don’t know many Christians who actually enjoy dating. They are so focused on “finding the right one” and “hearing from God” and looking out for “lightning in the sky” that they suck all the fun out of it.

Dating should be fun. Why is it that so many single Christians turn dating into some kind of checklist and interviewing process? Ladies are the worst with the checklist. Here’s a tip girls: if you have a checklist, look it over, count up all those necessary character traits, then crumple it up and chuck it in the trash bin—’cause that’s where it belongs.

God doesn’t care about your list.

He cares about your holiness and whichever man can help grow you in the holiness department will be on God’s list.

I also always hear girls saying things like, “I want a man to pursue me.” Well, that’s swell. I’m all for pursuit. Except that the girls spouting this line are then the same girls who sit on the sidelines and don’t do anything while expecting to get a date. Or then complain when they aren’t asked out.

You want a man to ask you out? Then be around. Go to parties, hang out with friends in group settings, get to know other single people. And here’s a scandalous idea that I’m sure someone will disagree with, but oh well: try flirting. I don’t mean wear a push-up bra and sit on his lap. I mean smile, be interested, be interesting, ask questions, touch his shoulder, laugh at his jokes. It’s like bees to honey, baby.

There is also a camp among Christians who fear dating. They think it will turn into a tempting situation (which it could), or that God hasn’t “called” them to date anyone (which may be true). More often than not, though, guys are chickening out and pulling the ol’ “I’ve kissed dating goodbye” bit. In order to have kissed dating goodbye, you have to have actually dated.

Dating doesn’t inevitably lead to sin. And God may not be calling you to date someone in particular, but that doesn’t mean that He has said to not date anyone at all.

Dating, also, does not inevitably lead to marriage. Many people refuse to get a cup of coffee with someone of the opposite sex for fear that sipping a caffeinated beverage is a precursor to chapel bells and flower girls. Just because you went on a (as in ‘singular’) date with someone does not mean they are the person you are going to marry. And if they think you are their future spouse as the result of one date, run away—quickly. You wouldn’t want to marry a kook like that anyway.

All too often, believers over-spiritualize dating and try turning it into some kind of holy act. It’s not. It’s a date. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy asks girl on a date. Simple. Over-thinking it leads to discontent single people who wonder when and where the “right one” is, instead of going on a date to actually find out.

What did I miss in the Christian dating world? What are, or were, your frustrations with the Christian dating scene? What have you learned that works or doesn’t work?


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82 Responses

  1. Liz

    MY FRUSTRATIONS??? Haha.
    Okay my frustration is that, No "CHRISTIAN" guy has ever asked me out. I have been asked out a total of three times, all of which were non-Christian guys who I either just met (the "i just want to get to know you" line was involved in that one), could not remember their name(I worked with him… yikes.) or I simply was not attracted to (he's gotta be good looking and tall enough).
    So really, I just have not been asked out by the guy that I really respect, who is tall and has a great laugh and so on on on and big plus he LOVES JESUS. That guy, nope, not a word. So, I have been tempted to say yes, to all the randos and all the weirdos and all the guys who were brave enough to ask a 6 foot 3 inch knock out, on a date. But they did not love Jesus and I straight up did not respect them because of it. My mom complains that I am too picky but also tells me not to settle. But sometimes I am VERY tempted to settle. Lord, give me strength.

    October 12, 2011 at 12:31 am

    • Kathryn

      Liz, don't settle! God has a tall, handsom man of God waiting just for you! Trust in love for he will give you the desires of you heart! Believe me girl I know how hard it is waiting on the Lord, it feels like everyone around you has a cute guy by their side. Just remember that Jesus is truly the only one that can satisfy our desire to be loved and adored. In this season of single hood be encouraged because the Lord has someone so perfectly picked just for you! Dream big and keep those expectations nice and high!

      October 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    • Liz,
      Sorry for the late reply. I have been traveling and speaking for the last few days. Let me just say that the situation you described is lame. Too many woman are being asked out by non-believers only.

      Here's what I have seen happen though…I have seen God bless woman in their obedience for saying "no" to the wrong guy. That is what I will be praying for Liz–that God would reward your obedience and bring along a great guy to ask you out.

      October 18, 2011 at 2:52 am

    • Joei

      Liz, I felt that way for a long time. My two exes are non Christians, and also are pretty much just scumbags who broke up with me as soon as they figured out that they were not getting sex.

      One day, my current boyfriend stumbled into my life. I've never been happier and plan to marry him once I'm done with my degree. It'll happen for you.

      November 5, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    • Michelle

      DATING IS LIKE SURFING

      It sounds funny, but I think trying to find the right man is like waiting for the right wave.

      Just getting out there can be daunting and I rarely paddle out and catch the wave of the day straight away. 

      Sometimes I paddle really hard, but I just can’t get on it. I miss the wave.

      Some spots are so crowded, every good set that rolls through is taken. 

      Some waves look promising, but you nose dive and end up dunked, your bikini all over the place and gasping for air. 

      Then I finally get a good ride. It doesn’t last long, but it gives me enough of a buzz to paddle back out and catch another one.

      A lot of my time is spent sitting and waiting.

      Then, on the horizon a set forms. I’m in the right spot, no one else is on my inside. I have no doubt I’ll get it. I stand up and it goes forever. It’s amazing and all of that waiting, those dunks and false alarms were entirely worth it.

      I think dating can be like this.

      You get excited about some relationships, which end before they even really start. 

      You try so hard for others, but no matter how much effort you put in, it’s just not happening.

      Some relationships leave you feeling washed up. 

      Then there is the waiting. I find this the hardest bit, because with waiting there’s wondering- is there a man worth waiting for?

      So my question to myself is, how do I enjoy surfing when there’s a lull?

      A- I sit on my board in the beautiful ocean and enjoy where I am. I keep looking at the horizon knowing there’s a good wave coming, not if, but soon. 

      January 12, 2014 at 4:43 am

    • Heya Liz

      Seems like people are still replying to this thread – so I hope MY response gets to you as well.

      Be patient – you're TALL – it's going to be harder to find a SUPER tall handsome man that loves the lord – but be patient, your time and man will come :-)

      Take care,
      James
      Author: What Men Secretly Want

      January 29, 2014 at 12:22 pm

  2. kelsey6791

    I like your definition of flirting. Flirting doesn't mean forward or suggestive. Doesn't even mean being feminine, it means just openly being yourself with another person. Cool beans.
    The guys that try to date me get so frustrated because I only require that they have a sincere relationship with God. If that's not happening, then, they won't get a second look. I don't mean to sound haughty or judgmental, I've just had bad relationships with non-Christians in the past because of our different views.

    October 12, 2011 at 12:36 am

    • Katie

      I don't think that that sounds haughty or judgmental at all. I've had to turn down a few non-believers and in general they've been really understanding and even respectful of the fact that my faith is so important to me that it takes priority. Few people want to date someone that has different goals/ambitions for their lives, believer or not, so I always hope and pray that it will simply be a testimony to how wonderful Jesus is. It's definitely difficult sometimes though…

      October 12, 2011 at 7:14 am

    • Kelsey,
      Amen sister! You should require that a man be pursuing God and any man worth his salt would ask the same of you!

      October 18, 2011 at 2:53 am

    • guest

      Femininity is all sorts of beautiful. Just because a woman isn't into wearing dresses and flowers in her hair, or doing "girly" things doesn't mean she isn't feminine. Real, godly women are adventurous and tough, delicate and dainty, strong and courageous, smart and funny, and every other trait that shows the beautiful side of God's image.

      October 15, 2012 at 6:49 pm

  3. Michaeleen

    "Just because you went on a (as in ‘singular’) date with someone does not mean they are the person you are going to marry." Thank you for pointing that out! I had friends telling me that so many times because I had this mindset that if I dated this guy then it meant we must end up together, which was not a healthy look at dating. Funny enough, because of all my friends encouraging me just to try it, I am now in a relationship with that guy. Haha, funny how things work out! (not to say it would work out like this for everyone).

    October 12, 2011 at 8:25 am

    • Tamara

      I totally agree. It's very easy to look at every guy as the person we will marry beacuse we want to get it right but in reality when we relax and just view them as our borthers, we are more at peace and that's when the guy comes along

      October 13, 2011 at 7:33 pm

      • Yes! There are our brothers and we should treat them as such. They are not all our "future husbands" and when we can relax and enjoy their company, romance really can blossom.

        October 18, 2011 at 2:55 am

  4. I LOVE how blunt you are with this. I would have benefit greatly from these truths when I was dating.

    I also love:
    "He cares about your holiness and whichever man can help grow you in the holiness department will be on God’s list."

    so true.
    the first book I read after getting married was The Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, and I highly recommend it. It helped give me some real expectations about what marriage is going to be like: not a 24/7 love-fest with kittens and rainbows, but real, hard work that can develop us as children of God. It's meant to bring us closer to Jesus, not keep us in our safe, happy bubbles.
    Anyway, great post. I love it.

    October 12, 2011 at 8:37 am

    • Kelly,
      Great book recommendation. I think it should be a must-read. Thanks for the kind words too!

      October 18, 2011 at 2:56 am

  5. stephindialogue

    Really solid thoughts here..and you're hilarious :) I think Christians tend to overspiritualize dating…as in the whole list idea, flirting as sin, dating vs. courtship. We need to loosen up!! The best thing you can do for yourself to get in the dating pool is to intentionally become the woman God is calling you to be, whatever that may look like! I wrote recently for RELEVANT about letting go of "the list" http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship… and my thought is if you're going to have a list, make one not for a future spouse but for yourself. Invest the energy in scouting for the man on your list instead in becoming the person you would want to marry.

    October 12, 2011 at 10:21 am

    • Steph,
      Ooh..I can't wait to check out your Relevant piece. Great topic! You are so right that we need to be checking ourselves against God–not others. Thanks for commenting!

      October 18, 2011 at 2:58 am

  6. Sandra

    Love, love, love this, fantastic! Well written!

    October 12, 2011 at 11:31 am

  7. Christian circles put so much pressure on dating! When I was involved in the young adult group, the rumor mill started once you sat next to a guy. No wonder so many guys stayed away from pursuing anyone! Dating should be fun, not something to endure. Unfortunately, my personal experience has been that nonChristian guys are far more likely to ask me out than Christian guys. I don't know why that is but it's one of my biggest frustrations.

    October 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    • Tamara

      You are so right HopefulLeigh! Non-Christian guys seem to have more confidence and willing to take the risk and be rejected. For some reason Christian guys are more fearful but, like you said, I think it's because we automatically assume that once a guy sits next to a girl, texts her or acknowledges her that he likes her.

      October 13, 2011 at 7:36 pm

      • Bethany

        It's such a frustrating cycle. Christian guys don't compliment girls or ask them out, so we assume the tiniest bit of attention (i.e. normal human interaction) is a big deal. Because we assume that, guys don't show attention to anyone until they know they want to marry them. Because guys only show attention to girls they want to marry, we assume a text means… etc.

        This is what needs to happen. Guys need to start asking girls on dates frequently. Not the same girl. Different girls. If we all went on a bunch of dates with a bunch of different people (like they did in the 40's and jazz), dates wouldn't have to be super significant. Guys wouldn't have to be afraid. Girls wouldn't have to worry about leading the guy on. We'd get to know each other and move on our stick with it as we pleased.

        October 14, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    • happybear

      My observances as a guy within a Christian group is that the women seem to prevent each other from dating. This dating prevention seems to stem from a type of peer pressure where if a woman has a date or a boyfriend, this puts her on an uneven social level with the other women in the group. All it takes for a relationship or a date to be prevented is for one of the women to find fault with the man in question causing the would be date not to be. The woman who does end up with a man in her life finds him outside of her church, possibly from another church or from the secular world. Ladies, if you want to date men, here is a radical idea for many of you. When the guy asks you out, say YES!!!

      April 30, 2013 at 8:37 am

  8. Shar

    Thanks for this… I spent a lot of time walking into first dates with the "will he be the one?" mindset. A guy friend then gave me the advice to walk into my dates thinking "I may never see this person again". It may not be the most sound advice, but it did help me to loosen up and not put a bunch of expectations on the guys I was dating. It gave me the freedom to just be myself and not worry so much if there was going to be anything beyond the 1st date.

    October 12, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    • Shar,
      That is great advice I think! It is a great exercise to just relax and enjoy the time. God will take care of the rest.

      October 18, 2011 at 2:59 am

  9. Great post. I think these are all really good suggestions, but some of them won't work for me. It's hard to put yourself out there and go to parties, etc when you're a single mom. My life is either school, church, or home with my daughter.

    Also it is very difficult for me not to overanalyze a guy before we've even been on a date. I think I'm worse about this than I used to be because I have my daughter to think about also. I need to remember that a date is just a date though, and not think about it too much in the beginning. Now if I could just figure out where to meet a guy in the first place… haha

    October 12, 2011 at 1:00 pm

  10. leeleegirl4

    Yes! Finally some dating advice for those of us who live in the real world, and not some perfect bubble. I really enjoyed reading the part about how dating does not necessarily lead to marriage. I feel that it is a terrible trend to rush to the alter with the first guy who notices you. Sometimes you need to fail in order to understand yourself better.

    I am thrilled to hear you mention flirting. I am so over feeling guilty that I like to exchange witty banter with attractive guys. Honestly, it does not always lead to anything romantic. However, it does make the conversation go smoother.

    These words were exactly what I needed to hear to validate the many conclusions I have made concerning dating.

    October 13, 2011 at 7:51 am

    • I'm so glad you were encouraged! Now get out that and start flirting!

      October 18, 2011 at 3:00 am

  11. //He cares about your holiness and whichever man can help grow you in the holiness department will be on God’s list.//

    YES! I can look back at the guys that I've dated and the men I've been in relationship with. None of them fit my list perfectly but all of them, in one way or another, drew me closer to the Lord. I can't regret any of those dates, even if I don't ever want to go out with them again. God is about our hearts, not our five year plans or our job description for a spouse.

    October 13, 2011 at 10:25 am

  12. I love your honesty and real world advice! Thanks for sharing this!

    October 13, 2011 at 12:38 pm

  13. Shannon Schoenberger

    This makes me laugh! It reminds me of me and my best friend. One summer we met these 2 brothers (my now husband and her now fiance) and both of us fell hard…luckily not for the same one =) After a summer of being friends and hanging out with groups of friends and getting to know each other, my now husband simply asked me out and we went on a date. It was great, it was perfect, and it was easy. We had fun so we continued dating and now are married. My best friend and her now fiance, struggled over praying over it all and talking with a pastor over if it was a good idea to date, etc. They started that process months before my husband asked me out, and when he did, and I just said yes, my best friend questioned me. How was it so easy for me, so simple? And I said I like him, he likes me, and he asked me out, what more is there to it? As we got to know each other more we did pray about if and when marriage would be right, but it just felt natural, not complicated.

    This just makes me think that I wish I could have better verbalized to my best friend how it doesn't have to be an interview process, but can just be fun! Luckily it still worked out for her in the end. =)

    October 13, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    • Olivia

      I love this! Your story is pretty ironic, in the sense that I'm going through a similar situation. My best friend and I like two brothers, they come from a large family, and we (my friend and I) have been family friends for the past two years. We would hangout with the family at church and at gatherings and it was a wonderful fellowship. Well, life being life, feelings changed on both sides. My bestie is a walking extrovert, along with the brother that she has a crush on (he also likes her). Funny enough, those two are SUPER shy and quiet around each other. Me, on the other hand, I'm an introvert, along with my crush, and when he began "pursuing" me, neither of us could shut up!
      And like you stated, it wasn't a hard process when my crush asked me out – it was more than obvious (to his ENTIRE family) that we liked each other. It wasn't hard or complicated.
      While my best friend's crush hasn't ask her out (YET – good grief, I think we're all just waiting for him to get it over with…), I feel as though her situation is similar to your best friend's.
      I just thought it was ironic :)

      September 28, 2012 at 2:53 pm

  14. Thank you for this refreshing and realistic post on Christian dating. I am just getting back into the dating scene after a 6 year relationship with a wonderful man, but who didn't have Jesus as his number one priority. Because of that 6 year relationship, I feel like I have a pretty firm grasp on what I'm looking for in a husband and don't want to settle or make the same mistakes twice, but I also need to open up and put myself out there. These posts have been a source of encouragement for me as I enter this new phase in my life, thank you!!

    October 13, 2011 at 1:22 pm

  15. Love this line, "He cares about your holiness and whichever man can help grow you in the holiness department will be on God’s list.". I think we often forget about this very concept.

    October 14, 2011 at 12:13 pm

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  17. Jen

    This post = AWESOME.

    October 17, 2011 at 12:51 pm

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  21. Savannah

    ok im not getting this………..i have sencory proscessing dissorder and i cant understand it lol. i mean im only 12 and i dont know what to do some people say your to young to date or you cant have any guy friends they will ask u out.. when and if i go on a date i will be with a group of people like at mcdonalds or somthing….what do you think am i too young? all my friends have a boyfriend and i dont know what to do i have been through alot more that other 12 year old girls have so i've mutured alot faster so i think im alot older than i really am….i think i found some one who i am crushing on his name is tyler we met at my church and he has helped my improve with my spiritule life alot and he truly loves god with all his heart…i've seen it lol it makes me cry haha but anyway i've been praying for a wile now and i feel lost…. any words of advice?? please help me if you can GOD BLESS!!!

    April 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm

  22. sienna-rose

    What frustrates me is that everyone talks about how to do a healthy marriage and relationships that are clearly headed toward marriage. No one talks about how to date well. I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months, but I’ve known him as a friend for 3 years. I wouldnt say that marriage isn’t in our future, but I’m definitely not even ready to think about that and I know if I brought it up he would run a mile! How do you do a relationship well when you’re in those months and years between ‘casual dating’ and both knowing marriage is in your future?

    May 8, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    • This is an awesome question. I'll see if we can get some posts up on this very soon. :)

      May 8, 2012 at 9:49 pm

  23. Hello. I came across your site doing a google search. I’m a Christian man and deal with this issue a lot. In the past I regularly have dated non- Christian girls. My last long-term she didn’t go when we met but I told her I went to church and she started going with me and we went the whole time we dated. She started asking me after awhile if we were going to church. Unfortunately she had anger issues that came out 2 years into things. Anyway, I attend what some might call a mega-church, 1500 in both services. You would think it would be easy to find an attractive Christian woman to date right? Nope. I mean they’re around but they don’t go out on dates and have excuses and they say “guarding their hearts” and “waiting on the lord”. Meanwhile many guys have given up on the women at church and have started dating outside of church. I’ve been trying to do better the last few years and just look for and try and date believers. But it’s tough. I did meet one and I hit everything she said she wanted and she said I was handsome but she was “guarding her heart”. If men are approaching with open hearts and women are guarding theirs how does this thing work? I asked another woman out for dinner at church and she gave me her busy schedule as a reply. I go out killing time before an art opening at wal-mart (I know) and meet a woman and get her number and a possible date in two minutes! What’s up with church girls??

    June 8, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    • Eliza

      Haha, I love this post, I don't know what's wrong with church girls, I'm one of them and I like a guy in church but he seems to be the one having issues trying to talk to me… I've never been asked out by a church guy so I wouldn't even know what that feels like, I just know that if it was him I would say yes in a heart beat. It's too bad that more church guys aren't like you :)

      December 31, 2013 at 10:28 am

  24. Danielle

    Wow. I’m so glad that I found this because recently I’ve been having a lot of problems in this area of my life. I’ve been trying to get over someone. I have unfortunately experienced a lot of heartbreaking situations when it came to trying to dating men. I guess I don’t really know who and if God is leading them to me or if they’re just a distraction. I really feel like giving up in believing that there is a man of god out there who God’s is preparing me to meet, because I don’t really want to go through the stress anymore.

    June 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

  25. rox

    first I wld to disclose my gender , male . I stumbled thru this page whilst i was looking on how to treat a christian lady . The article is encouraging and I hope ladies u r benefiting mo . I jus wanna tell u that don waste yo time with non believers we are there Christian guys who wanna mek dating as advanturous as neva b4 . I ve also learnt something that is I shld help my lady develop spiritually .

    June 29, 2012 at 9:07 am

  26. mohsin

    hey i m muslim, can i marry with christian girls? tell me what i do?

    September 19, 2012 at 4:31 am

    • nicholas

      hey mohsin, thanks for your post,
      Christians believe that husbands should love their wives just as Jesus Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 4). Therefore if you want to think seriously about marrying a Christian girl maybe you would like to spend more time thinking about love which Jesus Christ showed. Would you like to continue this conversation?

      February 25, 2013 at 10:18 am

  27. Christa

    I have a question. I have a 10 year old girl who I just told that ihave date, when we talked about it days before she was ok with it but now that she knows im going on one shes not. I don’t know what to do. I really like this guy, he’s a good Christian man. I meat him at our church. I just don’t know how help Mt daughter to be ok with it. I need all help you give me.

    October 8, 2012 at 1:51 am

  28. david ralph

    Very helpful thanks. I'm getting over recently being turned down by a Christian girl for a date. We were getting on really well, she was asking me loads of questions about myself, I asked her if she would like to meet up some time and she said yes. I asked if we could exchange numbers and she said yes, Everything going well. I asked if it would be ok to phone her and she said yes. I phoned her and we had a 30 minute conversation which went really well. I then tried to organise a time to meet up and suggested that i would be willing to travel to where she lives. She said she would check her diary and text me a suitable date. Heard nothing for about 2 hours till I got a text saying that she only wanted to meet up as friends. It seemed I must have freaked her out. This shows that even when Christian men do pluck up the courage to do the right thing and ask a girl out, it can end badly.

    November 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

  29. David Ralph

    It was almost as if asking her out on a date was a sinful thing to do. She completely freaked out, and I got the completely wrong idea it seems.

    November 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

  30. nikita

    I think what was missed and consistly being is missed is what are Christian couples to do while in a relationship so that they can remain sexually pure. It's not all the time that a couple wants to go out on dates all the time. What ideas are there to do to preoccupy the mind from doing things that would lead to temptation.

    November 19, 2012 at 11:38 pm

  31. John

    Why do Christian men rarely ask out Christian women? Simple, because the reply we usually get is not just a simple "thanks but no," but rather some kind of hateful, cruel reply. I cannot believe how many times I was told to buzz off including several who told me that they would not date "ugly guys" and one who told me I should just "kill myself."

    I have not had a date in a decade, not because I haven't asked anyone, but because these "Christian" women I made the mistake of asking out told me to basically go to h3ll.

    December 19, 2012 at 8:22 pm

  32. so very true

    i am a straight man that is looking for love again, especially after a divorce. i seem to meet so many low life women, and many of them certainly do have an attitude problem that i have noticed. many women are nothing like the well educated women that we had years ago, and they were very much committed to their men too. my wife was the one that cheated on me, and i was a very caring and loving husband that never mistreated her. i even thought that i was going to have a family with her, and spend the rest of my life with her too. and now that there are much more women into other women nowadays, that certainly adds to the problem as well. so many women out there now, have certainly changed for the worst.

    December 20, 2012 at 12:25 pm

  33. SJG

    My daughter just called me to tell me that her Christian girl friends (she is a Christian too) went ballistic when she told them she and a guy from her class had gotten together to study (in a public place) and that she was meeting him again. They told her she shouldn't do this as she should be more concerned about being "married to God" This upset her very much and told them she really was just studying and in the event she wants to get married someday that this time in her life is for learning about how to have good relationships with guys. What is your opinion about this. She was so upset and felt so judged. She was told she shouldn't have guy friends.

    January 25, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    • SJG

      BTW, she is a freshman in college.

      January 25, 2013 at 2:48 pm

  34. Chad

    Many churches are now offering programs for Christian Singles in hopes of providing a place for adults to build new relationships. In my opinion, this would be a great option for your daughter to try.

    January 30, 2013 at 9:49 am

  35. Royalty

    Wow, harsh truth I needed to hear.
    I can tell you, God showed me what my "list" guy would look like, and I discovered what I wanted in the list was not what I needed in the man God has for me. So, I threw out the list, and committed to God to bring me the man who has what I NEED rather then what I WANT. God knows what I need, and I trust Him with it.

    I'm starting to see that dating and flirting is not such a bad thing either. ha ha!

    February 8, 2013 at 7:30 pm

  36. jessica

    I think single christian people are just scared or freaked out. Churches have gotten so negative lately. They tell people to watch their backs rather than tell them to let god lead them. Where ever a christan goes, is god not right there with
    them? If pastors talked about all emcompassing love verses sex (pre-marital or marital) I think christians would have a healthier and less fearfull outlook on their futures. We should have the faith that if we ask for wisdom in any area of our life, that we will receive it. And nobody on the planet can fool us or trick us if we keep our eyes on god. How awesome is that?

    February 18, 2013 at 12:48 pm

  37. your right..the article is truly informative and should help quite a few people. i will certainly be back.

    February 26, 2013 at 11:19 pm

  38. You're lucky if you traverse this learning curve whilst you're a teenager. Many people still have to learn how to flirt when they are many years older.

    March 9, 2013 at 2:44 pm

  39. This will also lay out the creative areas of your video such as style and content. You should talk things over with the producer and director so use the time to get a sense of whether they understand their own industry while also appreciating the needs of yours. They ought to provide valuable input but not be too pushy or ride rough-shot over your ideas. Video production is usually a collaborative process so make sure you can work together.
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    April 10, 2013 at 12:57 pm

  40. happybear

    Women need to consider that many of you have made dating a high risk, low reward proposition for men. If a man asks out a woman and she tells him "no," he lives in fear for a time because if the woman decides that she is offended that the man had the audacity to think himself worthy of her attention she might threaten certain him with certain consequences. If the man manages to get away with simply being told "no" even if the "no" is said in a humiliating, demeaning fashion, news of which is spread to her wider social group, he is doing well. These days a man needs to be very certain that the woman will say "yes" and therefore has to be very careful. So ladies, here are two radical ideas for many of you. 1) Ask the man out yourself. After he picks himself off the floor from shock , you might actually have a good time and learn from the experience. 2) When the guy asks you out, say YES!!!

    April 30, 2013 at 9:09 am

  41. Wow. I'm so glad that I found this because recently I've been having a lot of problems in this area of my life. I've been trying to get over someone. I have unfortunately experienced a lot of heartbreaking situations when it came to trying to dating men. I guess I don't really know who and if God is leading them to me or if they're just a distraction. I really feel like giving up in believing that there is a man of god out there who God's is preparing me to meet, because I don't really want to go through the stress anymore.
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    May 4, 2013 at 6:03 am

  42. Khali

    I dont know any place to meet a young christian Girls except for church. i am far from shy and will ask a girl out in a heartbeat, but where do i find Christian women. Im only 20.

    May 7, 2013 at 11:33 am

  43. david

    Just because you went on a (as in ‘singular’) date with someone does not mean they are the person you are going to marry." Thank you for pointing that out! I had friends telling me that so many times because I had this mindset that if I dated this guy then it meant we must end up together, which was not a healthy look at dating. Funny enough, because of all my friends encouraging me just to try it,
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    May 8, 2013 at 9:02 am

  44. This a wonderful post. Helpful and informative as well. I really like reading this. Thanks for sharing this one here.

    May 14, 2013 at 9:05 pm

  45. dramaqueen!

    Help!!!!

    I am 16 years old and I have a guy that I was dating we got into some texting grossness and were made to break up. I feel like I love this guy and my mom made it very clear that we are not allowed to talk to each other at all. It’s been 5 weeks since I have talked to him and I find out that from a mutual friend that he has bought me a promise ring for my birthday!! Here’s the glitch he is going away July 8 and not coming back until December! (My birthday is in August.) I want to honor my mom but I love this guy and don’t want to hurt him! HELP!!!!

    May 15, 2013 at 11:40 am

  46. first I wld to reveal my sex , men . I came thru this web page while i was looking on how to cure a religious woman . The content is motivating and I wish women u r gaining mo . I jus want to tell u that don spend yo time with non followers we are there Christian people who want to mek relationship as advanturous as neva b4 . I ve also learned something that is I shld help my woman create emotionally .

    June 4, 2013 at 1:54 am

  47. Really solid thoughts here..and you're hilarious :) I think Christians tend to overspiritualize dating…as in the whole list idea, flirting as sin, dating vs. courtship.

    June 10, 2013 at 1:06 pm

  48. LeeLee

    I do not believe that dating without purpose is a good thing. Get to know the person, become friends, PRAY about your relationship, and if it's God's will for you to marry that person, date them. Court them, whatever you call it. I am in the camp that believe dating/courting should lead to marriage. If you are actively seeking God's in this area of your life, you won't miss the husband or wife God has planned for you.

    June 13, 2013 at 7:27 pm

  49. I always want to read articles when it comes to love,that's why it captured my attention.Being single is not a problem for god has something reserve for you.It might not be the time for you to meet him.Just be happy on what you have now and time will come you will find your guy.

    July 29, 2013 at 2:05 am

  50. Kdog

    In the words of mark Driscoll Christians in today’s age are cowards.

    August 13, 2013 at 11:11 am

  51. wrong turn idk where

    One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made was to cast of dating completely. I became so picky trying to find a signal from God before even looking at a man. I became so wrapped up in waiting for God to show me the perfect Christian man, that eventually I somehow closed that door completely and after being disappointed with many Christian guys I met I ended up giving a non Christian man a chance. Although he is a good sweet man with everything on my checklist I love with the uncertainty everyday, will God ever open his eyes or will the day come when I have to say goodbye? I don’t even know when I feel in love with him but things have been so wonderful and it hurts to think I would have to leave him if our religious views will never be the same.

    I ask for prayer for us, and implore my fellowbrothers and sisters not to go down this same path. It is so difficult to love someone so much and be so loved by him but live with the uncertainty of a future together.

    August 17, 2013 at 1:03 am

  52. Christopher Betten

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    September 23, 2013 at 8:18 am

  53. I really love reading and following your post as I find them extremely informative and interesting. This post is equally informative as well as interesting . Thank you for information you been putting on making your site such an interesting. I gave something for my information

    November 20, 2013 at 2:57 am

  54. Melissa E. Marquez

    As soon as a Christian single man walks into church he’s snatched up. I’ve been patient for years. Where is the man wants for me! Most Christian men don’t even take the initiative to approach the women first. I’m the workday men talk to me more. Where are the men of God today! I’m convinced ill end up a spinster.

    December 2, 2013 at 12:43 am

  55. I like your definition of flirting. Flirting doesn't mean forward or suggestive. Doesn't even mean being feminine, it means just openly being yourself with another person.
    The guys that try to date me get so frustrated because I only require that they have a sincere relationship with God. If that's not happening, then, they won't get a second look. I don't mean to sound haughty or judgmental, I've just had bad relationships with non-Christians in the past because of our different views.

    December 3, 2013 at 5:28 pm

  56. Mel

    Can I just say, this is an absolute breath of fresh air. I’m actively enjoying my single life and I can’t believe a site this good and so real in tone even exists!
    Thank you for being Christian and straightforward. No flowers, no sugar coating, all good sense

    Much appreciated
    xx

    December 28, 2013 at 11:52 pm

  57. Sharon

    I have been a Christian for 13 years now and I have been single. I am nearly 27. All my friends are seeing men or married now. I have never had a relationship with any male friends. I have met a few fellas but are gd friends on fb. I would like to date one of them particular fella but I believe it up to a fella to ask a girl out on a date. Is this true?? How do I attract fellas in a Christian way. I know that God has given me a desire to meet Christian men. Need Help!

    January 6, 2014 at 8:44 am

  58. truly delighted in reading this article. thank you once more for sharing it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4kLaOFHtAU how you can touch a lady

    March 7, 2014 at 1:23 pm

  59. So truly, I simply have not been asked out by the fellow that I truly regard, who is tall and has an extraordinary chuckle et cetera on and enormous in addition to he LOVES JESUS. That gentleman, nope, not a statement. Thus, I have been enticed to say yes, to all the randos and all the weirdos and all the gentlemen who were overcome enough to ask a 6 foot 3 inch thump out, on a date. In any case they didn't love Jesus and I straight up finished not regard them as a result of it. My mother whines that I am excessively fussy additionally lets me know not to settle. In any case off and on again I am VERY enticed to settle. Master, provide for me quality.

    March 30, 2014 at 6:36 pm

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