Dating Mistakes: Christian Man = Future Husband
Editor’s Note: Today’s post is by Ashley Wolf. She blogs at Little Somethings, and confesses something that a lot of us girls are guilty of: jumping to conclusions. I understand that good men are hard to find, which makes us cling to the hope of a relationship with them even more, but Ashley shares the mistakes she’s made in these exact same scenarios. – Lauren
I’m not a seasoned dater. I’m not one of those girls who gets out of a relationship and jumps into the next. In fact, I don’t even leisurely saunter to the next – I remain single for what seems like for-ev-er. I like to call this “chronically single”. That’s not really relevant, I guess – but all that to say, even in the limited “dating” I have done, I’ve made a whole lot of mistakes. Including the mistake of dating men who weren’t Christian, thinking my influence would change them.
This mistake realization may have led to yet another, less-obvious mistake that reads like a geometry proof:
IF: I like a guy, am attracted to him, and he is Christian (a Bible-believing, church-going, small group-leading Christian),
THEN: He is perfect for me and we are meant to be.
“Perfect Christian man” mistake number one happened in college. He was an officer of our college Christian organization, he was attractive, funny, smart, and *gasp* seemingly interested in me. We went to a few dinners and shows together, hung out with our Christian friends, watched movies and cuddled. He even took me to the top of our football stadium (which is not allowed, p.s. – what is it about breaking the rules that makes good men even more attractive?) to watch the sunset while we ate ice cream.
Pretty promising, huh? I certainly thought so. This was in the time span of about a month. So why, when we were having the DTR (define the relationship) talk a few months later, was I so heartbroken to not be walking away with a boyfriend (slash fiancé, slash perfect Christian husband)?
Probably because I had let my imagination – my hopes, dreams, expectations – run away with me. I had planned out our wedding, future mission trips, and babies.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GOD, THAT THIS GREAT CHRISTIAN GUY ISN’T THE MAN I’M SUPPOSED TO MARRY? It hurt. It hurt bad.
Flash forward to a more recent occurrence of yet the same issue. Several “date-like” events with another young gentleman of excellent caliber and I was hooked. He knew his Bible. He led our Bible studies. He was mega-intelligent, witty, and made me laugh. Hard. A Christian I was attracted to, smart, funny, and I had good chemistry with? Somebody must have me on “prank’d”, ’cause this kind of thing just doesn’t happen. And because of its rarity and the amazing “Christian-ness” of said gentleman, I fell into the same trap.
How perfect! How stellar! No wonder it hasn’t worked out with others in the past! It couldn’t get better than this dude! Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.
This one didn’t “end” the same as the last. Instead of a nice, tidy conversation to tie things up, this man just stopped talking to me. He stopped initiating conversations and actually moved without letting me know (I know, this makes me sound like a crazy stalker… I swear I wasn’t. And yes, I’m aware that all crazy stalkers say that). Insert heartbreak here. I felt completely expendable and unimportant. Weren’t Christians supposed to treat each other better?
And there’s the lie. The lie that Christians are perfect. The lie that Christians will handle every situation perfectly. ESPECIALLY a great Christian male.
Certainly they don’t ever let anyone down.
Lie. Lie. Lie.
The ridiculousness of this lie is that I am a Christian. I know that I make mistakes. MANY mistakes. On a daily basis. Wait, make that hourly. I don’t handle many situations well. I let people down. I hurt people. I don’t intend to, but let’s face it, I’m human. We all are. Even Christian men.
Don’t put any man on a pedestal, whether he is reading his Bible eight hours a day, a youth minister, or a missionary in Africa.
The only one worthy of a pedestal? Jesus Christ.
The only perfect man? Jesus Christ.
The only one who will never let us down? Jesus Christ.
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