Playing The God Card
Editor’s Note: Breaking up is hard. Seeing a guy for awhile and finding the words to explain why you don’t want to pursue the relationship can be even harder sometimes. I know. No one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings, and often, the God Card seems like a reasonable way out, right? Wrong. The God Card isn’t honest or helpful. Just because you know and God knows that a specific person isn’t right for you, doesn’t mean the God Card are the words you choose to explain why you won’t be seeing him again. Practice thinking about why you “know” that God doesn’t want you to date someone. No attraction? Different future paths? Conflicting interests? Perceiving life differently? He’s just not “it?” Those are the words to use. <3 Today's post is written by Renee Fisher, author of Not Another Dating Book. She blogs here! – Lauren
It all started out with a tweet to eHarmony.
Back me up on this, @eHarmony. A guy (or girl) should tell you if there is no chemistry instead of playing the God card.
Let me tell you up front. I’ve used this excuse before during my online dating experiences at eHarmony. So I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.
When I forked over the $250 for a years subscription to eHarmony I figured–yes, finally I won’t be single anymore. But I wasn’t thinking that I was going to meet my husband. I had done enough online dating to know it was purely to learn dating experience. The man I was looking for (excuse me God, was looking for me) didn’t exist.
I was bitter.
I had been single for twelve years, ten months, and twenty-four days before my husband asked me to marry him.
I even wrote a book in all my angst. We met after I finished writing it and then God made me (excuse me, my editor) rewrite the dang thing.
To say I’m passionate about relationships is an understatement. Since I was 15 I told God my husband was late. Verrrrry late. I wanted desperately to get married and have lots of married sex.
Yes, I waited if you’re asking.
Not that it matters. Because the world–Christians included–seem to have the same standards. Sad.
But that’s not my point.
My point is this: I never had the guts to tell someone to his face why I was breaking up with him. No guy rarely made it past the first date. My standards were picky, yes, but I was also deeply insecure. Insecure about my weight, about the fact that my relationship with God seemed to surpass most. I could quote almost the entire Bible. I was insecure that God was laughing at me thinking I knew too much and for that He would make me wait.
So while I was waiting. I learned a lot. A LOT. A lot. A LOT.
Like how to tell if a guy really values you. Like how I want to be treated. Like how honesty really is (almost) the best policy. Tears help too!
I’d rather have a guy tell me to my face instead of lying and then a week find out that he’s dating the only girlfriend I told about him.
Yeah. That happened to me.
Don’t play the God card.
I learned my lesson in the most painful of all ways. The girl I confided in about this guy I liked? She was in leadership, and I took the time to seek her out because I needed prayer. It was like the worst double-edged sword ever to teach me one thing–I finally had confidence. I knew my worth. That’s why I was so hurt. Instead of slinking away I told them off–to their faces. Now, I’m not proud of the way I handled things–but we’ve since reconciled.
If you remember one line from this entire post, it’s this: never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever play the God card. Even if it feels like those are the only words you have. Wrestle through it, find the words, and tell the person why you’re not into him or her. Or simply tell them that you aren’t. Without the God card.
But only if you have the guts. It takes a real person to be truly honest.
If you really struggle on saying no to men, or turning them down, Lauren Dubinsky has answered a question on turning down a guy’s advances without hurting his feelings HERE. If you met a great guy who wants to date you, but you don’t want to turn him down sounded like a Christian snob, Lauren also wrote a post on that HERE.
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