Emotions: The Difference Between Feelings And Lies
Editor’s Note: Happy New Year, everyone! We’re launching 2012 with a topic that affects every single one of us women, in some way or another: Emotions. If you want to share what you do with them in your life, and what you’ve learned about them, please check out the contribute page. Today’s post was written by Kayte Grace. She blogs at Long City Walks and you can check out her music at Kayte Grace Music. – Lauren
I used to let my emotions run around in my head like bad kids in a nice restaurant: yelling, tripping, disrupting, and breaking things. But I’ve learned that sometimes I’ve just got to tell them to shut it and sit in the corner.
I’ve always been a person who is ruled by emotions. I’m a singer/songwriter, so feeling things (and making you feel them) is basically how I pay my rent. Before that, I acted for 15 years on TV and in commercials. Feelings.
I’ve always been emotionally impressionable. As a child, movies on TV that showed slaves being beaten would ruin my sleep. At 11 years old, I cried after watching a season of Popstars because I knew that music was what I wanted to do. My parents told me that I get so happy when I cook that I’m literally singing out loud and don’t realize it. I nearly lost my mind once sitting in a meeting next to a friend who was frustrated with how it was being led – the energy she was giving off was so strong I almost imploded, and no one else seemed to notice. I consider myself a master ‘vibe sniffer’. And to top it all off, I’m an ENFP, which might as well stand for Emotionally Neurotic Female Person.
Powerful emotions make me research how much it would cost to get my homeless friend a bus ticket to Cleveland to see family, and to want to pay for it. At the same time, emotions sometimes cripple my ability to live well and securely. I’ll feel so guilty for not wanting to go to corporate prayer before church that I slog through half a day turning my decision not to go over and over in my mind.
One day, I found myself sitting on the couch a half hour before I was supposed to lead a women’s Bible study in my apartment. I had recently gone through a breakup, and I felt like someone had punched me in the face. Lies started pouring in, one after another: “You are rejected. Rejected. Not chosen. This isn’t what was supposed to happen. Your life is off-track. God brought you to this teeny apartment in a scary neighborhood knowing that living near your boyfriend was the only thing that made it bearable, and then He ripped that comfort from your hands and abandoned you here. There’s no point in you being here. And why would God even lead you into a relationship He knew would fail and make you miserable?”
Then, the Holy Spirit reminded me that there’s a difference between letting myself “feel my feelings” and sitting around nodding in agreement while the Devil lies right to my face.
So I lit some smell-good candles.
Made green tea.
Sat back down and breathed really slowly and deeply.
And I asked myself, “What do I know FOR SURE?”
“The person who loves me like a raging fire has all of the power… over the entire universe and everything in it.”
“His goal is not to screw me over – He’s using every situation to make my soul beautiful. More like Christ.”
And that was that.
I established some truth I could stand on.
“Now everything that I don’t know for sure, you need to make an orderly exit from my head. Right now.”
Freedom in truth. Freedom in standing up for myself. Freedom in feeling what is true instead of what is a lie.
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