Are Men Scared Of Strong And Talented Women?
Editor’s Note: I first found Jed Brewer thanks to his heart-stopping article for Relevant Magazine titled, “The Sin You Can’t Quit.” Since then, I’ve loved his raw, ask-me-anything goodness that’s found over on his blog. We asked you women on Facebook if you had any questions for a man – and I asked Jed to answer one. And he did. Marvelously. You can follow Jed at @jedbrewer. – Lauren
Question: “Are men attracted by strong and talented women or scared of them?”
This is a great question. And the unfortunate news is that, yes, some men are terrified of strong, talented women.
Some men see a successful woman, or a talented woman, or a capable woman as a threat. The woman’s awesomeness holds up a mirror to what’s missing in that guy’s own life, and he hates her for it.
It gets worse, though. That same kind of man doesn’t really have friendships with other guys, and for the same reason. He can only stand to be around wounded, insecure, passive men. Because Real Men scare the crap out of him.
So, that kind of guy views everyone and everything as competition. He can’t be happy for anybody else, ever. He can’t celebrate other people’s victories. And he can’t even enjoy his own, because he always feels like he’s at a deficit.
And you, my sister, should not have anything to do with a man like that. And you don’t need to.
The reason you don’t need to is that there is a different kind of man out there. He’s far rarer, but I promise he does exist.
This is a man who knows what he brings to the table. Knows what his strengths are. Knows what his weaknesses are. And accepts himself.
Some people would call that “confidence”, and that’s a part of it. But what we’re really talking about, though, is actual, Biblical humility. Humility doesn’t mean being down on yourself. It means knowing who you are, and accepting it.
A humble man is able to be confident. He’s confident in the strengths God has given him. He’s aware of his growing edges, and he takes them seriously, but he’s also confident that God is at work sanding them down. He’s confident that there is a purpose to his life – that he was made for a reason – and, because of that, he’s able to face uncertainty in life with resolve, and not panic.
As I bet you’re guessing, that kind of real humility comes from a deep walk with the Lord. Knowing that you are loved and accepted, as you are, with full disclosure of all your shortcomings, allows you to love, and accept, yourself. To quote David Mamet, humility is peace.
This all brings us back to your question. Would that humble man be attracted to a strong and talented woman? Yes, of course. But that only tells part of the story.
A humble man wants a humble woman. So that means a woman who is in touch with both her strengths and her weaknesses. A woman who embraces and develops her gifts, but who also faces her insecurities and hang-ups head on.
A humble, Godly man wants to love a woman completely. He wants to love all of her, including the parts that could use some work. But the woman has to accept herself in order to receive that love. Otherwise it falls on deaf ears, or, worse, is rejected.
And, just like for the man, accepting yourself comes from knowing that God has first accepted you. Loving yourself comes from knowing that God has first loved you.
As you live into and embrace that reality, accepting and loving yourself today, as you are, you will find that the right kind of guy finds you completely irresistible.
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