They Do Exist.

From The Men: I Want The Girl Of My Real Life

Editor’s Note: Thank you all for your immense patience with the delayed posting this month. I’m getting married in 2 weeks (!!!!!!!) and I’m very, very behind in my commitments. And with that, Jake Dudley shares his thoughts on finding the woman of his dreams. He tweets at @jakedudley and blogs here. Check out RESTORE:REDEEM; he seeks to add value and subtract shame by telling the stories of those who don’t have a voice. – Lauren

Let’s cut to the chase…

I’m a single 23-year-old male and on the prowl.

Don’t judge me. You are too. On the prowl, that is. If you’re a single lady, you’re walking into a room thinking one thing:

“Will I meet the man of my dreams tonight?”

And there, my friend, lies the problem. Don’t worry, I’ve believed it for far too long too. The myth that is “the person of our dreams.”

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you’re not everything some man has always prayed for and dreamt about. What I AM saying is that it’s not a standard that you, or me, or anyone else for that matter, should be trying to live up to.

Seriously, think about it. The “woman of someone’s dream?” Who wants to only exist in someone’s dream?

Not me. And more importantly, I don’t want the woman God has for me to be living in my dreams either.

I want her to be real. A real woman with real passions and dreams and struggles and quirks.

I want the girl of my dreams to be the girl of my real life.

I want to know that she is just like me. I want her to know that she’s not some far-out figment of my imagination that always feels like she has a standard to meet. Nope. I want a girl that needs. I want a girl that sings in the shower and tries to play drums on her steering wheel. I want a girl that wants to be told she’s beautiful. I want her to cry when she’s hurt and stand up for her self when she’s mad. I want a girl to tell me how she feels.

I want a girl that’s real.

Trying to be a “girl of someone’s dream” is a dangerous girl to be. Why? Because you’ll always be trying to be someone that is perfect instead of who God has called you to be…


You can’t be anything more. To try to be the “girl of someone’s dream” is to be something that you weren’t created to be. Don’t be someone’s dream girl. Be someone’s real girl. Be you. Everything that you have to offer. All of your mess, all of your struggles, all of your joy and vision and passion and desires.

When you start living in who you are, the girl of real-life, you’ll see that that is what every guy has been searching for all along..

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27 Responses

  1. Sal

    Wow! A great article! Thank you so much for saying this, every girl really needs to hear this! I'm a slightly more reserved person in that I don't really sing in the shower or play the drums on the steering wheel, although I do lip-synch. And I'm an awesome lip-syncher.

    August 22, 2011 at 2:42 pm

  2. This was a great reminder that we girls just need to be ourselves. In the culture we live in, it is hard not to put ourselves up to some un-reachable standard, whether that of the media or of the idea that we can be "the girl of someone's dreams". Being ooneself is always better in the end, as I am learning. Then you know people really care about you, not the ideal you are trying to live up to but can never reach.

    Thanks for sharing your heart with us!

    August 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm

  3. I'm a small group leader for a group of Senior High School girls, and this is one of the hardest things to convince them of, when you yourself doubt it. So as a 23 year old single female, who sometimes thinks she should tone down the shower singing and car drumming, thank you for reminding me that there are guys out there looking for the real me!

    August 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm

  4. Thank you all for the encouraging words. So thankful you were encouraged by the article!

    August 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm

  5. Awesome point of view! It is always refreshing to see men who have a clear perspective on what they want in a woman. Not some "dream girl" that will forever be striving to reach perfection but a woman who knows who she was created to be. Kudos.

    August 22, 2011 at 3:50 pm

  6. Wowsers! Good stuff!!!!! Going to share it on FB!

    August 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

  7. Great stuff.

    I am with you Jake. I want a girl that is normal, weird, and struggles. But I want a girl that is not an illusion made up by media. I want a girl that I can discover life with.

    August 22, 2011 at 5:01 pm

  8. LOVED this post. I'm so encouraged and challenged by it. I'll admit, I've tried to be this impossible "dream girl for someone, instead of just embracing who I am. I'm learning to love my quirks. (I dance and sing in my car, with or without passengers, and I do get caught by strangers at stop lights.) I know one day that my future husband will love these quirks about me . I am also guilty of having this "man of my dreams" standard and have believed that he, my future husband, is not REAL. But that's only because I've so fabricated him in my head. I look forward to this REAL man that I will fall in love with, quirks and all.

    August 22, 2011 at 5:08 pm

  9. Loving this! Great thoughts.

    August 22, 2011 at 5:16 pm

  10. Emily H.

    Jake, thank you so much for writing this! This came at the right time, as God has been showing me these exact things in my own life. It's too easy (especially for a girl, it seems) to conform to the world or to someone else's desires in a mate. And being real is all God wants from us, too! Yes, to know guys are out there looking for the exact thing is very encouraging. Thank you. :)

    August 22, 2011 at 5:21 pm

  11. Loraine F.

    Well said! Nice to know someone else is preaching the same thing to young women that we have always taught our daughter. Be Real – always – the "one" God wants you to be with will love you for it.

    August 22, 2011 at 9:13 pm

  12. Kelsey Gay

    I like this article! As women, we do have our own identity and we were not created for the sole purpose of strutting slow motion into a room so some guy can realize we're the perfect girl. To find someone you love, you've got to be someone you love: YOU! (haha, so cheesy)

    August 22, 2011 at 11:00 pm

  13. Emma

    Brilliant! (Go the steering wheel drumming!!!)

    I really appreciated this- such a freeing and refreshing post to read :)

    August 22, 2011 at 11:08 pm

  14. Oh my goodness, this might be the most wonderful post I've ever read. Thank you SO much for sharing this, Jake! I had to smile at the first part – I admit I do exactly that. And I'm another one that absolutely does sing/dance/drum in the car. I hope there are a lot of guys out there with your amazing attitude. Sharing this post. Thanks :)

    August 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm

  15. Maggie

    I hope the girl of your real life turns out to be as encouraging to you as you surely are to her. :)

    August 26, 2011 at 12:37 am

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  18. I may be the only girl to comment who does NOT try to be the "dream girl" and THAT is why I assume I am single. My parents tell me sometimes (in joking, of course), "…Maybe you should try to NOT be yourself." Glad to see that there are guys who actually want us to be ourselves and my stubbornness and contentment in who I am is appreciated!

    August 29, 2011 at 9:49 pm

  19. Thanks everyone for all the love! So thankful that each of you were encouraged by it. I keep hearing stories of ladies who are blessed by it…SO THANKFUL!

    August 29, 2011 at 9:52 pm

  20. @krissiejanine

    Wise beyond your years young Jake! I'm sure with an attitude like that, your 'real-life' girl can't be too far away! Thank you for your encouraging post!! It really hit home :)

    August 30, 2011 at 9:18 pm

  21. Guest

    Be careful not to describe not to describe your dream girl, while inadvertently encouraging girls to live up to it. There are a lot of real girls, maybe God's timing for yours has not yet come.

    September 2, 2011 at 9:15 pm

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  23. Danielle

    I am so thankful for your post. It has been such an encouragement and I am so glad you shared this. After reading this, I have felt more comfortable being myself. I don't care to walk around singing or dance in public for no reason. Thank you!

    March 22, 2012 at 5:35 pm

  24. Shiv

    I cant tell you how wonderful it is to read this. I have tried to be this real girl who shows everything she has to offer but I meet these jerks that have this perfect girl in their imagination. They go for girls they think are "perfect" or "confident" because those girls haven't yet shown them their struggles, battles, etc. When you're real you get to a guys heart and I hope this proves true in my future.

    April 18, 2012 at 8:20 pm

  25. rsmith101403

    who is this guy? will you marry me?

    May 4, 2013 at 3:33 pm

  26. Pathfinder

    I mean…getting real, getting a real girl is even better than my dreams coming true.
    Real is real and even though not perfect, real is better than perfect.
    'Cos it's real.
    The real is the perfect.

    May 23, 2013 at 11:30 am

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