They Do Exist.

From The Men: What Decides How Much A Woman Is Worth?

Editor’s Note: Today’s post is by Nick Martin. He tweets at @nickmartin7 and blogs at definedbyYou. You might want to bookmark this to read on the hard days. – Lauren

Dear You,

Yeah, you. The one reading this.

Even the fact that you’ve stumbled across these words is further proof of the point that I’m about to make. Don’t believe for a second that you’re reading this by mistake.

Allow me to let you in on something you may or may not already know (or believe). If they’re words you’ve already heard, that’s alright, let them sink in one more time. Because Truth is something that never tires.

You, are invaluable.

Let me dig a little deeper into the meaning of that word to paint a clearer picture for you. The dictionary defines the word invaluable like this:

“beyond calculable or appraisable value; of inestimable worth; priceless.”

Here’s where the problem lies; you search for and attempt to find your value in so many other places than it’s true source.

“If only I had a body that looked like this…”

“If I have sex with him, then at least I’ll be worth something to someone…”

“I’m single. If I was really worth as much as you say I am, at least one guy would pursue me…” 

The only dictionary you should ever use to define your worth is the one that was written by my Savior. I don’t know if you’ve met him yet, but his name is Jesus Christ. His Word says a few things about who you are: you are his precious, beautiful, daughter. It’s been awhile, but if I remember correctly they taught us all the way back in elementary school that by definition, the daughter of a king is referred to as a princess. She is to be cherished, honored, admired, and revered. To disrespect her, is to disrespect the king. But don’t be mistaken, you aren’t just the daughter of any king; you are the beloved daughter of the King of Kings.

God knit you together in your mother’s womb and created you in His very own image. He refers to you, as His masterpiece. The Creator’s greatest creation. Pause for a moment and let that sink in.

For those reasons alone, your value is intrinsic and irrevocable.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you. It doesn’t matter how dark of a past you might have or how broken you may be.

Your value cannot be damaged, destroyed or even diminished.

So please, let the Truth scream louder than the lies.

Next time you hear a voice that tells you that you aren’t worth it, that you have no value, or that you’re unlovable, know this; there is a Love that was purchased for you on the cross. A Love that determined that you were worth dying for. And single, married, or anything in between that Love always has been and always will be passionately pursuing you. So run towards it and embrace it. And never forget that because of that Love, your value is not dictated by whether or not you have a man pursuing you.

Maybe you’re thinking, “I’m too broken for a love like that.” And if that’s you, I am sorry. I’m sorry that you had to experience whatever it is that left you broken. Let me say this: until you bring Him all of the broken pieces, He cannot begin to put them back together. But when you bring them to Him, I promise you that He’ll put them back together more complete and whole than they were before. Because He is a God who makes beauty from the brokenness.

In the same way that His Love cannot be earned, it cannot be lost or taken from you. So breathe easy, because there is nothing you could ever do that could make Him love you less.

Let that be enough.

Rest in that.

Because that is truth.

In Him,

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40 Responses

  1. Anna Kaye

    I definitely needed to read this today. Thank you so much for reminding us of our worth and where it comes from.

    March 21, 2012 at 9:48 am

  2. Jordana

    about to print this out and put on the mirror in my room and in my car

    March 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

  3. This is beautiful and almost made me cry. Thank you for this! Blessings~

    March 21, 2012 at 12:37 pm

  4. Oh my goodness…this hit so close to home…thank you from the depths of my heart for sharing words I so needed to hear today.

    March 21, 2012 at 1:32 pm

  5. This was just what I needed to hear. Thank you for writing this. Hearing it from a man made it even more powerful.

    March 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

  6. so beautiful. thank you!

    March 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm

  7. diane

    no no no!!

    March 21, 2012 at 2:45 pm

  8. Rach


    March 21, 2012 at 8:27 pm

  9. My heart just exploded. Thank you, Nick.

    March 21, 2012 at 9:20 pm

  10. Jeremy

    wow how fucking gay is this? the entire thing is bullshit because god isn't even real. read a fucking science book instead of believing in fairy tales.

    March 22, 2012 at 2:37 am

  11. Lovely post. Thanks especially for bringing up this quote:

    “I’m single. If I was really worth as much as you say I am, at least one guy would pursue me…”

    That's something with which I've been particularly struggling of late, and I need to be reminded that worthy and desirable aren't always the same thing, and the current definition of what makes a person desirable is somewhat flawed anyway.

    March 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm

  12. though unintentional, there are so many aspects of victim-blaming here.

    exact quote:

    "Here’s where the problem lies; you search for and attempt to find your value in so many other places than it’s true source….So please, let the Truth scream louder than the lies."

    aka. "So please, try harder."

    And so I am left with shame. My fault. My bad. I shouldn't place my worth in the wrong places. Should have known better.

    But what about the paradigms I'm forced to live with EVERY DAY simply because I was born female in a society that objectifies the female body? A society that tells me I'm worth less in ways it does not tell you because you're privileged, you have the power! What about the ways that you (MEN, and women) contribute to and partake in this culture which continually marginalizes me, oppresses me, makes me a less-than, just a body, a non-equal? In WHAT WAYS do your words and actions imitate Jesus, who would walk alongside me in my struggles and put himself into my shoes, into my place?! Can you imagine what it would be like to be me in a world that objectifies my body? What have you done to FIGHT it alongside me? Can you claim equal responsibility in this battle against a MUCH LARGER PARADIGM than simply a roadblock located in my head? THE FORCES OF OBJECTIFICATION are so much larger than myself, they are beyond me, they are in the dark, sinful parts of your heart, and mine, and they are in the culture and society we live in. To battle it is SO MUCH HARDER than telling me to just TRY HARDER (because that marginalizes me even more damn it).

    Please be careful how your privilege can still hurt others, even when you mean well. I thank you for your good intentions, but I am hurt by the way your words exempts men/yourself from responsibility and puts the entire burden of fighting a great evil on me.

    On the practical side, instead of playing the paternalistic role of Educator, why not start a dialogue by asking women what causes them to feel worthless? Why not, instead of telling women to just stop feeling that way, actually fight the negative aspects of our culture by speaking out and affecting change? Why not read up on literature on the gender dynamics caused by male privilege, and re-articulate your thoughts about female healing afterward? Please don't educate me about what it means to be a woman until you have truly tried to see the world from my perspective first, and then I welcome you to walk alongside me as an equal.

    (P.S. I do agree that ultimately, this is all in God's hands – the healing, the justice, the sense of worth. I appreciated that point in your article.)

    March 23, 2012 at 2:17 am

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  14. Miranda

    I have a question…I'm honestly not trying to disagree or hate, because I think this is an amazing article and it's beautiful. You seem to be a loving person who genuinely is trying to make women aware of God's love for them, which is awesome, thank you:) But the thing is, and I don't even know if you can answer this or if this is even the right place to ask it, but I've been told this sort of similar thing many times before, and I used to believe it. But now it seems like I just can't feel the truth of the message anymore…I know He's there, and I know he's ready to accept me and love me still, but it's like I can't feel it I've been numbed and I need to feel that love but I can't so the only things that help are the things we are supposed to be trying to not go to. I've been trying for over a year to re-connect, so to speak, with God, but it just keeps feeling like I'm failing, because I know he's there…and I just miss being close to him. So what happens then? When you can't seem to know that truth about yourself that you're talking about, or at least feel it anymore? I just ask because I honestly just wish I had someone to answer

    March 27, 2012 at 3:03 am

  15. Lauren

    Thank you so much for writing this. I started crying at the beginning, after the first bolded sentence. Every one of the self-doubting thoughts you listed is something I think almost every day. I can tell that I don’t believe everything you’ve said yet, I’ve been telling myself the opposite for too many years. I’m not even sure what’s true and what isn’t, at this point, I’m often so conflicted. I want to believe this. I plan to print this post out and put it on my wall. Maybe if I see it often enough…

    But really, thank you so much. I’ve never heard anything so encouraging before.

    March 28, 2012 at 1:40 am

  16. dabi

    "Let that be enough."

    April 6, 2012 at 2:18 pm

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  18. Dorothy

    Dear Nick

    Thank you for the reminder, it is true of what you just said about the truth 'you can never hear enough of it'.
    You are such an encouragent, may you be a blessing to more people as you have been to me.


    February 18, 2013 at 1:04 am

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    May 14, 2013 at 4:13 am

  20. Elle

    This is the first time I've commented to all the articles I've read today. Thank you.. just thank you. This is very beautiful. I've bookmarked it.

    July 10, 2013 at 1:50 pm

  21. Sarah

    Was involved in an affair with a man who treated me horribly and came across this article at the perfect time. Jesus gave me the strength to run away from the situation and into his loving arms again. He is the only thing that now satisfies me. Thank you, it is a beautiful article.

    September 30, 2013 at 11:19 pm

  22. Stephanie

    I made the mistake of moving in with a boyfriend "common law" who is not a Christian and am now suffering from the effects of it. God opened my eyes in a gentle way and showed me why marriage is holy and more than just two people living "happily ever after". Please pray for me that God will give me guidance on what to do in this situation as I am sad and feel damaged and broken.

    November 16, 2013 at 7:59 pm

  23. Crystal

    Thank You!!!!! God for your Love Mercy Grace and the Happiness I have knowing how much you Love me. Knowing I am worthy valuable and still here because I’m a Princess.

    April 27, 2014 at 12:25 pm

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