They Do Exist.

From The Men: What Decides How Much A Woman Is Worth?

Editor’s Note: Today’s post is by Nick Martin. He tweets at @nickmartin7 and blogs at definedbyYou. You might want to bookmark this to read on the hard days. – Lauren

Dear You,

Yeah, you. The one reading this.

Even the fact that you’ve stumbled across these words is further proof of the point that I’m about to make. Don’t believe for a second that you’re reading this by mistake.

Allow me to let you in on something you may or may not already know (or believe). If they’re words you’ve already heard, that’s alright, let them sink in one more time. Because Truth is something that never tires.

You, are invaluable.

Let me dig a little deeper into the meaning of that word to paint a clearer picture for you. The dictionary defines the word invaluable like this:

“beyond calculable or appraisable value; of inestimable worth; priceless.”

Here’s where the problem lies; you search for and attempt to find your value in so many other places than it’s true source.

“If only I had a body that looked like this…”

“If I have sex with him, then at least I’ll be worth something to someone…”

“I’m single. If I was really worth as much as you say I am, at least one guy would pursue me…” 

The only dictionary you should ever use to define your worth is the one that was written by my Savior. I don’t know if you’ve met him yet, but his name is Jesus Christ. His Word says a few things about who you are: you are his precious, beautiful, daughter. It’s been awhile, but if I remember correctly they taught us all the way back in elementary school that by definition, the daughter of a king is referred to as a princess. She is to be cherished, honored, admired, and revered. To disrespect her, is to disrespect the king. But don’t be mistaken, you aren’t just the daughter of any king; you are the beloved daughter of the King of Kings.

God knit you together in your mother’s womb and created you in His very own image. He refers to you, as His masterpiece. The Creator’s greatest creation. Pause for a moment and let that sink in.

For those reasons alone, your value is intrinsic and irrevocable.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you. It doesn’t matter how dark of a past you might have or how broken you may be.

Your value cannot be damaged, destroyed or even diminished.

So please, let the Truth scream louder than the lies.

Next time you hear a voice that tells you that you aren’t worth it, that you have no value, or that you’re unlovable, know this; there is a Love that was purchased for you on the cross. A Love that determined that you were worth dying for. And single, married, or anything in between that Love always has been and always will be passionately pursuing you. So run towards it and embrace it. And never forget that because of that Love, your value is not dictated by whether or not you have a man pursuing you.

Maybe you’re thinking, “I’m too broken for a love like that.” And if that’s you, I am sorry. I’m sorry that you had to experience whatever it is that left you broken. Let me say this: until you bring Him all of the broken pieces, He cannot begin to put them back together. But when you bring them to Him, I promise you that He’ll put them back together more complete and whole than they were before. Because He is a God who makes beauty from the brokenness.

In the same way that His Love cannot be earned, it cannot be lost or taken from you. So breathe easy, because there is nothing you could ever do that could make Him love you less.

Let that be enough.

Rest in that.

Because that is truth.

In Him,
Nick


Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
Follow Good Women Project on Twitter: @goodwomenproj
Be a fan on Facebook: facebook.com/goodwomenproject

Subscribe to our email newsletter for insider updates here or subscribe to the blog here. Or both.
Everyone on our team is volunteer, and we are funded 100% by you. If you'd like to donate, you can here.
We're also doing fun stuff on Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest!


32 Responses

  1. Anna Kaye

    I definitely needed to read this today. Thank you so much for reminding us of our worth and where it comes from.

    March 21, 2012 at 9:48 am

  2. Jordana

    about to print this out and put on the mirror in my room and in my car

    March 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

  3. This is beautiful and almost made me cry. Thank you for this! Blessings~

    March 21, 2012 at 12:37 pm

  4. Oh my goodness…this hit so close to home…thank you from the depths of my heart for sharing words I so needed to hear today.

    March 21, 2012 at 1:32 pm

  5. This was just what I needed to hear. Thank you for writing this. Hearing it from a man made it even more powerful.

    March 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

  6. so beautiful. thank you!

    March 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm

  7. diane

    no no no!!

    March 21, 2012 at 2:45 pm

  8. Rach

    THANK YOU. Just THANK YOU.

    March 21, 2012 at 8:27 pm

  9. My heart just exploded. Thank you, Nick.

    March 21, 2012 at 9:20 pm

  10. Jeremy

    wow how fucking gay is this? the entire thing is bullshit because god isn't even real. read a fucking science book instead of believing in fairy tales.

    March 22, 2012 at 2:37 am

    • maxdubinsky

      You know what's gay? People who go around calling things "fucking gay" because they haven't read enough books (science or otherwise) to acquire the ability to thoughtfully express their own opinion on any given subject matter and behave like a gentleman.

      March 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm

      • Jeremy

        LOL what is there to thoughtfully express? what decides how much a woman is worth is what this is about and basically the answer to that question is only "god" according to this shit. this isn't a fantasy world where everyone is viewed as equally and the sooner people realize that the better off they'll be. the reality is that everyone is worth something, some worth more than others based on the things you do in life. all this letter goes into is how you are invaluable no matter what because "god" loves you. it has nothing to do with actually deciding how much a woman is worth. the title itself contradicts the entire message because the concept of "how much" implies that there are different levels of worth to be achieved. dumbass.

        March 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

        • Caleb Roberts

          I’ll make your humiliation brief. The title does not imply different values for a woman’s worth, you inferred that. If I ask the speed of light am I implying more than one possible value? How bout you go read and UNDERSTAND a science or grammar book THEN go trolling with your ignorant atheism, idiot.

          March 28, 2012 at 12:12 am

    • Russ

      Friends,
      I think its worth remembering that Jeremy has been created by the same God that created each of us, and as such has the same dignity as an image-bearer of Almighty God. Yes, trolling is silly. Yes, it would be more constructive on both sides to actually talk some of this stuff through instead trying to insult each other's intelligence. The whole point of this post was the intrinsic, inalienable worth of women image-bearers and daughters of the King. Let us not, in the next breath, insult a fellow image bearer, however much we may be offended by his words. Jeremy, its clear to me that you have a distaste not only for God, but also for His people. I'm sorry for the times we as Christians have given you reason for such distaste. I hope this finds you well.

      April 16, 2013 at 4:30 pm

  11. Lovely post. Thanks especially for bringing up this quote:

    “I’m single. If I was really worth as much as you say I am, at least one guy would pursue me…”

    That's something with which I've been particularly struggling of late, and I need to be reminded that worthy and desirable aren't always the same thing, and the current definition of what makes a person desirable is somewhat flawed anyway.

    March 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm

  12. though unintentional, there are so many aspects of victim-blaming here.

    exact quote:

    "Here’s where the problem lies; you search for and attempt to find your value in so many other places than it’s true source….So please, let the Truth scream louder than the lies."

    aka. "So please, try harder."

    And so I am left with shame. My fault. My bad. I shouldn't place my worth in the wrong places. Should have known better.

    But what about the paradigms I'm forced to live with EVERY DAY simply because I was born female in a society that objectifies the female body? A society that tells me I'm worth less in ways it does not tell you because you're privileged, you have the power! What about the ways that you (MEN, and women) contribute to and partake in this culture which continually marginalizes me, oppresses me, makes me a less-than, just a body, a non-equal? In WHAT WAYS do your words and actions imitate Jesus, who would walk alongside me in my struggles and put himself into my shoes, into my place?! Can you imagine what it would be like to be me in a world that objectifies my body? What have you done to FIGHT it alongside me? Can you claim equal responsibility in this battle against a MUCH LARGER PARADIGM than simply a roadblock located in my head? THE FORCES OF OBJECTIFICATION are so much larger than myself, they are beyond me, they are in the dark, sinful parts of your heart, and mine, and they are in the culture and society we live in. To battle it is SO MUCH HARDER than telling me to just TRY HARDER (because that marginalizes me even more damn it).

    Please be careful how your privilege can still hurt others, even when you mean well. I thank you for your good intentions, but I am hurt by the way your words exempts men/yourself from responsibility and puts the entire burden of fighting a great evil on me.

    On the practical side, instead of playing the paternalistic role of Educator, why not start a dialogue by asking women what causes them to feel worthless? Why not, instead of telling women to just stop feeling that way, actually fight the negative aspects of our culture by speaking out and affecting change? Why not read up on literature on the gender dynamics caused by male privilege, and re-articulate your thoughts about female healing afterward? Please don't educate me about what it means to be a woman until you have truly tried to see the world from my perspective first, and then I welcome you to walk alongside me as an equal.

    (P.S. I do agree that ultimately, this is all in God's hands – the healing, the justice, the sense of worth. I appreciated that point in your article.)

    March 23, 2012 at 2:17 am

    • Russ

      Justina,
      I definitely get that this article has some very real limitations. It doesn't address issues of privilege, marginalization, or the societal trend of objectification of women. That said, I don't think it intends to. I long–deeply, daily–for a society in which a post like this would be old hat, where women AND men would get that they can't earn their worth, and nor do they have to. That's not what we have though. So, at risk of speaking wrongly for the author, it seems to me his intention was not to ignore all other issues or sweep them under the rug, but simply–in light of a broken system that doesn't seem to be getting any less broken–remind women that their worth transcends that society. Even as we fight to change a system riddled with injustice, we HAVE to hold on to the truth that our hope and our peace are not from the system. Nick didn't paint a full picture, just as you didn't, but he did raise an important–crucial, really–point about the value of women.

      I do understand your desire for dialogue. It's incredibly important, but it is not the only thing that matters. I, personally, often need someone to monologue at me, to take the "paternalistic role of Educator," to repeat truth to me until I get it. Based on many responses I've read to this post, it seems other people need that too. I don't know Nick, but I would be slow to assume that just because he doesn't make mention of the larger paradigm that he is unaware or unconcerned. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but his points are not nullified or out of place because he doesn't address the whole picture.

      All that said, I definitely agree with you on many things, and would certainly love to dialogue on anything, if you feel so inclined. I have plenty to learn, and there are a lot of issues–this being one of them–that I'm not as keyed into as I could be. My reply to you was likely as reactionary as your reply to Nick, so I likely did not do any topic justice.
      Respectfully,
      Russ

      April 16, 2013 at 5:00 pm

  13. Pingback: invaluable « Bearberries

  14. Miranda

    I have a question…I'm honestly not trying to disagree or hate, because I think this is an amazing article and it's beautiful. You seem to be a loving person who genuinely is trying to make women aware of God's love for them, which is awesome, thank you:) But the thing is, and I don't even know if you can answer this or if this is even the right place to ask it, but I've been told this sort of similar thing many times before, and I used to believe it. But now it seems like I just can't feel the truth of the message anymore…I know He's there, and I know he's ready to accept me and love me still, but it's like I can't feel it anymore..like I've been numbed and I need to feel that love but I can't so the only things that help are the things we are supposed to be trying to not go to. I've been trying for over a year to re-connect, so to speak, with God, but it just keeps feeling like I'm failing, because I know he's there…and I just miss being close to him. So what happens then? When you can't seem to know that truth about yourself that you're talking about, or at least feel it anymore? I just ask because I honestly just wish I had someone to answer

    March 27, 2012 at 3:03 am

    • that's a great question. i'm not sure there's an easy answer. it's so easy to attach our experience with God to feelings, but that's a dangerous habit, because God is not a feeling or an emotion. feelings and emotions are often attached to our experience with God, but they aren't required. He is present, always, regardless of whether or not we feel Him. it's the same with Truth. Truth remains, even when we don't feel, understand, or believe it. the best suggestions that i would have to answer your questions, are a couple of things: 1) find a community of people who can continually affirm your identity and value in Christ, and encourage you on a consistant basis, and 2) dig into God's word and presence daily. as you allow His words and presence to saturate your heart & mind, He will continue to mold & form your heart, and allow it to receive and believe the truth about who you are as His daughter.

      April 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    • Miranda your post is presented exactly how you should present it to GOD if you haven't already. HE hears sees and knows. HE is a gentle GOD in respect to not forcing HIS will/HIMSELF on us BUT please believe when you direct the words you directed to Nick, GOD will answer you. Love and praying for you. Jewel. Im also over@ http://www.facebook.com/WoWomanOffWorth this is not a plug but simply access to me on a regular if you would like to be accountable to another woman. The site is fairly new, however I'm answering a call that GOD has placed within my spirit anticipating HIM to do MIRACULOUS things in and through us over there. SMILING…I have already committed myself to you through your post..There's power in numbers. Peace Blessings Revelation and Edification to you Miranda JESUS loves you and out of all the infinite people here on the net HE chose me and sent me right to where you are..SMILING…Amen

      July 23, 2013 at 6:12 pm

  15. Lauren

    Thank you so much for writing this. I started crying at the beginning, after the first bolded sentence. Every one of the self-doubting thoughts you listed is something I think almost every day. I can tell that I don’t believe everything you’ve said yet, I’ve been telling myself the opposite for too many years. I’m not even sure what’s true and what isn’t, at this point, I’m often so conflicted. I want to believe this. I plan to print this post out and put it on my wall. Maybe if I see it often enough…

    But really, thank you so much. I’ve never heard anything so encouraging before.

    March 28, 2012 at 1:40 am

  16. dabi

    "Let that be enough."

    April 6, 2012 at 2:18 pm

  17. Pingback: finding [[value]] in your [[brokenness]] « makinghealthahabit

  18. Dorothy

    Dear Nick

    Thank you for the reminder, it is true of what you just said about the truth 'you can never hear enough of it'.
    You are such an encouragent, may you be a blessing to more people as you have been to me.

    Dot

    February 18, 2013 at 1:04 am

  19. Women are nature of beauty. Skinny and fashionable women are awesome and excellent to looks and affairs. I think if women wear gold made jewelry that makes them extra beauty offer so women are always fan to collect modern and well designed jewelry.

    May 14, 2013 at 4:13 am

  20. Elle

    This is the first time I've commented to all the articles I've read today. Thank you.. just thank you. This is very beautiful. I've bookmarked it.

    July 10, 2013 at 1:50 pm

  21. Sarah

    Was involved in an affair with a man who treated me horribly and came across this article at the perfect time. Jesus gave me the strength to run away from the situation and into his loving arms again. He is the only thing that now satisfies me. Thank you, it is a beautiful article.

    September 30, 2013 at 11:19 pm

  22. Stephanie

    I made the mistake of moving in with a boyfriend "common law" who is not a Christian and am now suffering from the effects of it. God opened my eyes in a gentle way and showed me why marriage is holy and more than just two people living "happily ever after". Please pray for me that God will give me guidance on what to do in this situation as I am sad and feel damaged and broken.

    November 16, 2013 at 7:59 pm

  23. Crystal

    Thank You!!!!! God for your Love Mercy Grace and the Happiness I have knowing how much you Love me. Knowing I am worthy valuable and still here because I’m a Princess.

    April 27, 2014 at 12:25 pm

  24. Appreciate it relating to providing this type of greater specifics. My partner and i would love to mention that as well as the good friends together with social media. Be sure you become redesign in your web page, Now i am day-to-day client regarding the web page. give thanks again.

    May 16, 2014 at 6:10 am

  25. Excellent article. I will be facing some of these issues as well..

    Stop by my web site: your skin id

    August 10, 2014 at 10:23 am

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>