I Really Thought The Honeymoon Phase Would Last Longer Than 2 Weeks
Editor’s Note: Today’s post is by Lindsey Capperrune. If you are about-to-be-married or in the first year of marriage (CONGRATULATIONSSSSSSS!!!!), there is a list at the bottom of this post of other stories on our site for you! And as always, you can find all posts on marriage at goodwomenproject.com/marriage. Love love. – Lauren
The first year. Holy moly.
No one told me that this year would be one of the hardest years of my life.
Ok, great. Now let’s get back to planning my multi-thousand dollar wedding.
We were way too busy attending showers, opening gifts and registering for the waffle maker to even care that this year was going to be tough. And there was the huge decision between wood or Chiavari chairs for the ceremony. And was it improper to request that children not come to the wedding?
We had dated for 3 years and I knew this guy was the guy who would rock my world. He had it all; he was a Jesus follower, he was great on the eyes, he was smart and he made me laugh about a hundred times a day. We were seriously in love and seriously planning the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to.
We went to the Dominican Republic, on a honeymoon you only see in the magazines, kayaked in the ocean, made love, drank the best coffee ever, came home and life began.
Or did it?
Actually my life had begun 23 years ago, in a Baptist home with 2 sisters my younger. My life in the city with malls and restaurants and in a home where we put the milk on the door in the refrigerator.
And his life had begun 26 years ago. In a Lutheran home with one older sister. In a small town with one stop light and a gas station with sprinkle donuts. In a home where they put the milk on the shelf in the refrigerator.
I played volleyball and Barbie’s and he played guitar and Super Mario Bros. I majored in Communications and he in Worship Ministry.
There’s this problem, and it’s that we think life starts with marriage.
As if marriage is the start of it all. It’s a fallacy that life begins there and everything prior to the vows evaporates suddenly. I’m not sure why exactly; maybe we want it to be that way, or we know it’d be easier that way. Maybe because we want to be the only life our new spouse has ever known, but the truth is life begins before “I do.”
You bring your family, your norms and values, your “we’ve always done it” ways and you marry a person who just happens to have those ways too and you collide. You find yourself wondering, “Why does he do it like that?! Why does the garbage sit there in a bag by the back door? Why does he fold his underwear?”
And things he probably asked of me: Why are we having cupcakes for dinner? And why do you steal the covers every. single. night?
The impact of that collision is so strong that we start to think something is majorly wrong.
Crap. We will never get along. I really thought this “honeymoon phase” would last a lot longer than 2 weeks. This the 3rd time this week I’m crying because I don’t understand him. How are we going to make time for all 3 family Thanksgiving celebrations? And so the collision goes.
The beauty of the first year is that it’s the first year, and there is only one.
It’s the beginning of a new life together. It’s the start, the take-off of this new thing we call marriage. We can only learn more from here. We can choose to believe that this person we now live with had a life before us. A life that was full of ways we didn’t live, full of different experiences, and different family norms.
It’s true that there’s no single way to operate a home or family. It’s true that it doesn’t really matter where in the fridge the milk sits, or if we fold our underwear. What matters is that we live life together in love and peace. Honoring God with our marriage and not letting the little (yet seemingly so big) things get in the way.
So it’s true. The first year really is a hard year. Not very many people will tell you that, but I will, and my husband will too. When that collision happens and you find yourself wondering if you’re ever going to be able to live under one roof in peace, just wait. It’s okay. Wait for your eyes to be open to your new love and life together and wait for all of the debris to hit the pavement.
Take note of the debris – the things that you want to incorporate into your new family and household , and the things that really don’t matter. And go peacefully walking down that road we call love.
Stories about the wedding/honeymoon: What No One Told Me Before Marriage, What No One Told Me About The Honeymoon, Transitioning From Dating To Marriage
Stories about the first year: When The First Month Of Marriage Isn’t Bliss, On Being The Female Breadwinner, What No One Told Me: You’ll Still Be You, Sex Expectations, What No One Told Me: The Best Parts.
Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
Follow Good Women Project on Twitter: @goodwomenproj
Be a fan on Facebook: facebook.com/goodwomenproject
Subscribe to our email newsletter for insider updates here or subscribe to the blog here. Or both.
Everyone on our team is volunteer, and we are funded 100% by you. If you'd like to donate, you can here.
We're also doing fun stuff on Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest!