What No One Told Me: About The Honeymoon
Editor’s Note: I’ve learned that as women, half of us have put men on a pedestal, and the other half of us tear them down as the awful creatures we believe them to be. The problem with this is that we all end up throwing our words around, either convinced that we couldn’t pull them off the white horse if we tried, or that they deserve our criticism. Joy Eggerich’s made a fantastic observation this week in her RSOTU series that a woman challenging a man’s competency is arguably as devastating as him commenting on your jeans being a size too small. As good women, we are challenged to view men and woman as equals, encouraging the good in one another and bearing patiently with the bad. Below, Arianna shares her honeymoon story & the lessons she has learned in supporting, respecting & encouraging her man. She blogs at A Vintage Bambino, and tweets at @ariannapatrick.
You know that big burly man that you love and adore? Or the man that you are waiting for to come and sweep you off of your feet? He’s handsome, strong, hunky, and invincible. He will provide for you for life and walk across fire to hold your hand. He’s the best lover and caretaker, but he has a huge secret.
And you, as his woman, are the one person who can knock him down the fastest.
I got married when I was 22 to the hottest, smartest, best guy I had ever met. He was my best friend and I couldn’t wait to start my life with him. We had an amazing wedding at the base of a mountain in Colorado. It was the best party ever thrown.
We left on our honeymoon as two crazy youngsters who couldn’t get enough of each other. After a few glitches due to hurricanes, we landed in Cabo San Lucas. I felt like I was floating. There I was, in Mexico with my new husband, and I had already set impossible standards for him to meet.
Women are bombarded day after day with picture perfect romances and vacations. We are trained to believe that every girl gets hundreds of roses, candles and exotic getaways. We expect our men to provide in ways that only a television show can do.
Cabo did not go down like an episode of The Bachelor. We waited for three hours to check-in, and we got a room with a broken toilet and two twin beds (not a good situation for newlyweds). The pool was grimy and full of men who brought their own boom box with techno beats blasting. My new husband wanted to make up for it and bought us a couple’s massage. We both broke out in rashes from the aromatherapy and spent the rest of the trip with ice packs in bed. At that time, things were not going as I had imagined them, or as society had told me they needed to go.
I quickly learned that my husband, in all of his manliness, as he was trying to provide for me, was being torn apart by my griping and frustration.
Nothing will rip apart a man faster than shame, guilt and a lack of trust.
Men are in a constant battle of trying to prove themselves. They feel the need to prove themselves to women, their buddies, and that construction project that has been looming. They struggle daily with striving to be the manliest man out there. As his wife, the last thing I should do is question my man’s authority, drive or decision for petty, selfish reasons.
In our home, the phrase, “I love you” is exchanged a lot. My husband doesn’t question my love for him. He knows I will always be there waiting for him when he comes home from work, but I also know that there are a few other phrases that may mean more to him than those three words.
I am proud of you.
I trust you.
I will follow you forever.
As women, we were created to be man’s helper: to build him up and care for him, not to tear him down if he fails. Because he is human, your man will fail. Your job is to encourage him in every circumstance.
Don’t baby him. Let him know that he is your man, your hunk, and the only man you will ever need.
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