What No One Told Me Before Marriage: 7 Truths.
Editor’s Note: Nish Weiseth has been married for just under 5 years, has a super cute son, and is one of the most beautiful women in the blogosphere. She is founder of DeeperStory, and blogs at The Outdoor Wife. You can follow her on Twitter at @theoutdoorwife. I asked if she could write on the things she wished someone had told her before her wedding day, and she sent back 7 great truths. Thank you, Nish! – Lauren
It’s been nearly five years since I donned that impeccable designer dress, my hips hugged in ivory silk taffeta. I only had those heels on for five minutes before my feet were throbbing.
The first thing I’d tell you before you get married – make sure you wear shoes comfortable enough to walk down the aisle. The blisters aren’t worth it.
I met my Erik at the altar. We recited those vows so holy, prayed and were united in the arms of a loving God. I was ready. He was ready. We were young, and everyone liked to remind us how young we really were, but we knew it was time. I knew it like I knew my own skin.
The next thing I’d tell you is… if you’re ready, get married. Don’t wait for everything to fall into place. Don’t wait for your life to be “perfect.” If you both know that you’re meant to be married (and trust me, you’ll know), do it.
We celebrated our one year anniversary at his family’s cabin in the woods.. there’s an outhouse there, and the walls between the bedrooms doesn’t quite reach the ceiling. We were sitting at the picnic table in the kitchen when I remembered the words of friends who had been long-married… “The first year is the hardest.” So for the first year, I had a hard time fully embracing the joy of marriage, because I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was told for so long that I’ll probably be miserable.
I wish someone would have told me that’s a load of crap. The first year of marriage is new, fresh, transformational and exciting. It has it’s challenges, just like any new experience. But, the first year of marriage is only as hard as you allow it to be. You can’t control what happens in life, but you can control your response.
We had candles lit on that same picnic table when we celebrated our second anniversary. I’ve always loved the way my wedding ring sparkles in candlelight.
There were so many things that I imagined would change with the appearance of the wedding bands on our ring fingers, but I was shocked to discover that life was still… life. You don’t get to wear the pretty white dress to work every day. Your college debt doesn’t disappear when you get married. Your laundry doesn’t fold itself and the dishes don’t clean themselves. The steps you need to take to advance your career are still there. Life is still life.
Our third year brought challenges. The pregnancy from hell, a new baby, severe postpartum depression… so many things happened that year that brought some serious issues to the surface for me. Things that I didn’t realize I needed to deal with a long time ago.
So, you know that heavy baggage you carry around? The stuff that you shove underneath the bed so nobody sees when they show up in your life?
You might as well take it out and start sorting through that stuff now. I wish someone would have told me that the baggage doesn’t vanish with the vows. But, you don’t have to have it figured out before you’re married. God is gracious in providing people in our lives to help us sort through the hard stuff… and you will find no greater ally than your husband.
Our fourth year was spent trying to find a new normal, but realizing that we live in a constant state of transition. It was a lesson in flexibility, simplicity and refining our communication. It was a time of learning that marriage is where I feel safe, my husband can always take what I dish out, and I can be real with my emotions within the safety of my marriage.
I wish someone would have told me that conflict is okay. I wish someone would have told me that it’s okay to respond emotionally. I wish someone would have told me that being honest and real is more important than good conversation etiquette. My husband wants me, all of me, the real me… not a watered-down version, not a sugar-coated version. Anything less than the real me will never last in marriage.
And here I sit, with our fifth wedding anniversary just over a month away. I’m thinking back on the last half-decade of my life as a wife, and if there’s anything that I can share with you, it’s this:
While marriage is joyful, blissful, exciting and adventurous, those aren’t it’s only purposes. Marriage is meant to change you. To mold you. To transform you into a better version of yourself.
Marriage is one of the most powerful tools that God uses to shape us into looking more like Him.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way..
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