They Do Exist.

What I Wish I’d Known Before Watching Porn

Editor’s Note: I decided to launch our topic this month, pornography, with a little bit of my own story. Over the last couple years, men have begun to enter the discussion, but women have remained silent. For most of us, it’s still the men’s world, but statistics show that 1/3 of pornography viewers are women. Enter, Good Women Project. Ladies, it’s time to speak up and shed light on another dark place. If you’d like to read my own personal blog, I write at laurennicolelove.com/blog. – Lauren

Pornography is a charged subject, and it’s a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk, and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay further away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from it.

When I was in high school, pornography was on the long list of “bad things” that I didn’t know much about – and unfortunately also on the list of things I had participated in. Nevermind why I was watching it, the how is the same for all of us: we stumbled upon it because of someone else. And none of us knew what to expect, or how to handle it.

Later in life, I caught myself remembering how I used to watch it for a few minutes here or there, and wondered strictly out of boredom if it would fill the big, empty space of loneliness in my late nights. There were no parents around to hide from anymore, and no one checking my Internet history. Pornography was easy, and I never exactly knew why it was bad, particularly since I wasn’t actually having sex. To me, it was just something dirty that you probably shouldn’t have anything to do with. But “probably shouldn’t” never stands up against loneliness and boredom.

I am not one with an addictive personality. Meaning, I binge, and then drop things quickly. I knew this about myself, and so I used this as an excuse for watching pornography. I’d watch it every night for a couple weeks, then not at all for a few weeks. Always off and on. Clearly I wasn’t addicted. Just like I smoked, and never became addicted to nicotine, and drank, but never became an alcoholic. I was just watching it, and could stop anytime I wanted. No damage done, because I was still in control.

Wrong. Nicotine still seared my lungs, and alcohol still did some decent damage to my liver and personal life. Just because we aren’t addicted, doesn’t mean it does no harm. Even while I wasn’t “addicted” to watching pornography, I always wanted more. It existed as a guaranteed time-filler and pleasure-bringer, and when you get an hour to yourself – that’s an easy default. An easy default activity that establishes a heavy precedence in what you do with your next bad night.

I wish that 10 years ago someone had educated me on pornography. What it is, what it does, and what it reaches in and destroys in the hearts, minds and bodies of men and women.

I wish that someone would have told me that researchers have proven it sabotages your sex life.

I wish someone would have explained how dopamine, the chemical that is released every time you experience pleasure, drives you to return to what provided that feeling before.

I wish someone would have told me that the kind of pornography you’re most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness.

I wish someone would have told me pornography would normalize things I wasn’t emotionally or physically ready to handle in my relationships with men, making me feel like I had no options or control over my sex life, filling me with much regret.

I wish someone would have told me I would begin to objectify men, build up images in my mind, and think of sex day in and day out, to the point where I couldn’t remain focused on anything else.

I wish someone would have told me it would make me feel less valuable to men, and bring up insecurities for years in the bedroom.

I wish someone would have pointed out pornography establishes your sexuality completely apart from real-life relationships, causing huge problems in your intimacy with real significant others.

I wish someone would have explained what “sexual anorexia” was and that countless young men are unable to get erections because they’ve been watching porn since they were around 14 years old.

I wish someone would have told all the men I’ve dated that the porn they are watching is keeping them from being turned on by me, ultimately destroying our relationship.

I wish someone would have told me that the dopamine and oxytocin being released from my watching certain types of pornography would cause me to question my sexual orientation, which in turn cost me relationships with friends.

My “I wish” list is nowhere near complete, either. In the end, I simply wish someone would have told me why it was so harmful, instead of simply putting it on a list of things we don’t talk about. Had I known how much it would have harmed me, I would have left it alone.

If you’re a woman who has watched pornography, or is watching pornography, studies are now showing that we make up over a third of pornography viewers. It’s no longer a taboo topic, and I would personally like to give you permission to speak openly in this space over the next month.

Tomorrow I’ll be posting a list of resources on pornography for men and women. We will be adding to it for the rest of the month. Later on this month I’ll write again on things I’ve had to wrestle with since watching pornography, things I’ve learned about myself, and the life I’ve found apart from it.

Want to share? Visit our Contribute page and submit your story, your questions, your struggles with pornography there..


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59 Responses

  1. Safe conversations include no risks. People like safety. But it is the risky things in need of discussion. It is the taboo topics that are worthy of attention. Those are the things we all fear. The things we all need to talk about. If people stopped being afraid and decided to be honest, I think we'd all experience more freedom and understanding.

    Thank you for sharing. As always, Lauren, I love your vulnerability.

    November 1, 2011 at 1:07 am

  2. Thank you for your bravery and transparency, I'm looking forward to seeing what discussions this month brings!

    November 1, 2011 at 1:15 am

  3. Mikayla

    Amen to all of this. And thank you for not only writing a post about women and porn, but dedicating a month to it. So looking forward to this series.

    The only thing I would add from my journey is curiosity as a gateway.

    My first exposures to porn came from the same loneliness that you describe. However, as to why porn was ever the ”solution” I can only say this: my sinful heart wanted to see and understand the struggle that plagues so many people-even in Christian communities.

    That’s how it began, at least. But even after I understood the appeal, my exploration wasn’t finished. In my mind, I justified it with telling myself watching/reading it would help me learn to better please a man.

    I could go on, but I’m just really glad to see this series happening. That’s the gist of what I’m trying to say. :)

    November 1, 2011 at 1:35 am

  4. andrea

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    As someone who has struggled on and off with this for the past ten years, its so valuable to have reasons so openly and plainly put. I have started seeing porn for what it really is- a life drainer and pain exacerbator. Thank you for your transparency.

    It’s so nice to know I’m not alone.

    November 1, 2011 at 2:39 am

  5. jen s.

    i don't think i've ever heard this topic approached in this sense, which is a very sad thing. i struggled with it during high school, it started off as me trying to please the guy i was with at the time but then spiraled into something more. i truly felt alone and like it was a topic i could never bring up with anyone.

    i think the worst and most confusing thing is that i hated that the boys i dated looked at it (my dad was addicted and i hated that, too) and yet i tried to convince myself that i shouldn't have a problem with it. i tried so hard. somehow, that trying-not-to-have-a-problem-with-it turned into looking at it myself.

    thanks for dedicating a month to this, and thanks for being so transparent, i can definitely relate to quite a bit of what you said. i'm glad that God is using your past to reach other women who probably feel completely alone.

    November 1, 2011 at 8:21 am

  6. This is a great post!! Sharing with everyone!

    November 1, 2011 at 9:11 am

  7. aspen

    thank you so much for dedicating a month to this topic. i've been struggling with this for about 4 years now, since i left my private christian school bubble and went off into the world by myself. i hate pornography and everything about it, but i can't seem to stop watching it. here's hoping i find some answers this month, and can begin purging my life of it forever.

    November 1, 2011 at 11:48 am

  8. Grace

    Thank you always for sharing the real issues that affect us as women. Looking forward to the rest of the month. God bless.

    November 1, 2011 at 12:56 pm

  9. Aaron

    It's amazing to see some of the things you wrote about your experience with pornography mirror my own thoughts and reflections on my problems with it as a man. I think that hits at our universal condition, both men and women, it's not just a men's issue.

    November 1, 2011 at 1:27 pm

  10. shorty

    Thank you for approaching this topic so honestly and openly. I have a new guy in my life and I expressed that his watching porn bothers me. He quit voluntarily and I greatly appreciate that. It is still something I want to have a longer and more direct convo with him about and seeing your honestly here helps encourage me to be more straight forward and your words are much more clear than my thoughts so that helps a lot too!

    November 1, 2011 at 1:32 pm

  11. anna

    i was so happy when i read all the ways porn negatively affects our ability to have a healthy, ORGANIC sex life. my husband hasn't looked at porn since we started dating (and i never have looked at it), but his struggle with temptation and the guilt he feels about the temptation pains me just as much as it pains him. it's nice to know the benefits of complete and total sexual exclusivity despite the notion society seems to perpetuate that pornography does no damage.

    God bless you, lauren, for your honesty and transparency. you are a brave warrior maiden. :)

    November 1, 2011 at 2:38 pm

  12. kassie

    This brought tears to my eyes. I've seen porn because of others around me…not because I was looking for it, but those images don't leave your mind and that can cause issues too! Thanks for being brave and sharing!

    November 1, 2011 at 2:59 pm

  13. I tweeted you too, but didn't get to say all I wanted to say :). Your transparency and honesty is amazing and I can't thank you enough for bringing this up. I've talked to my best friend about it, and she's not addicted like I am (she just resorts to it sometimes, but it never satisfies), but her husband is addicted and I see the toll it takes on her marriage. I want to be completely free of porn before I even get into a relationship, but I wanted to ask how you stopped. Since it's so difficult, and I've tried quitting on my own plenty of times, I thought it wasn't possible and I'd have to live with this sin for the rest of my life. I just accepted it. But I don't want to accept it, something in me believes that God can redeem me to a place where my mind is renewed and I'm no longer in that bondage. I just don't know how to get there.

    November 1, 2011 at 4:34 pm

  14. Thank you, thank you, thank you for opening this conversation! I hate the silence that surrounds the issue of porn–in society, in the church, in Christian communities, families and relationships. So many things could be addressed and healed if we would simply TALK about it instead of covering up the secrets. You are a blessing Lauren!

    November 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm

  15. brenna

    I am very thankful that this month's discussion is pornography. It's something I have struggled with for a lot of my life, although I have not viewed any for the past few months, I still struggle with temptation. I have made many mistakes in my past, but pornography is the one thing I am most ashamed about, and the one thing I have never admitted to. I have fully committed my life to following Christ and I have surrounded myself with amazing people to have Bible studies and fellowship with, but I have not been able to bring up this topic with anyone. It's been on my heart a lot lately because I have been learning about forgiveness and I don't feel that I can be forgiven for this. I feel so ashamed and so worthless. And I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone, until now. Thank you so much for starting The Good Women Project and for being willing to discuss the things that truly need discussed. You are my inspiration and I admire you with all of my heart.

    November 1, 2011 at 7:56 pm

  16. Allie

    Lauren, thank you so much for this. As a young woman who battled with watching (lesbian) pornography from ages 11 – 17, stopping because "I knew it was wrong", these were powerful words. I'm anxiously awaiting the list of resources for women… there are far too few places for women to go for help.

    November 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

  17. Sevender

    I struggle with reading “porn”. . . aka those graphic sex scenes in novels I can never seem to skip. I think I’ll be checking in this month, since this seems applicable already.

    November 2, 2011 at 7:04 am

  18. LaurenJ

    This topic of conversation is so incredibly needed, especially in a setting of Believers. Thank you for being on the front lines of this battle & for helping women understand that they have a safe place to come to talk about it. The more we talk about our brokenness, the less opportunity satan has to hold us captive with these sins.

    This has been a constant struggle in my life & I've come to understand that my struggle is more psychological than physical. I always thought something was "wrong" with me, but now that I'm understanding the source of my pain & why I've dealt with it in this way, it has helped me on my road to healing.

    I will be praying for you and this entire movement. Ladies, be bold! I promise that God will bless that boldness!!!

    November 2, 2011 at 12:43 pm

  19. Alicia C.

    Thank you so much for this..I''ve been dealing with porn since I was 9…I'm 19 now. I fall often and I feel so ashamed!!! I feel like l let God down every single time! sometimes I wonder why He just doesn't leave me..It's alot easier than hearing prayers saying that I will stop but falling the next day anyway..I hate what i've become!! my parents don't understand my mood swings but it's only because of the shame..

    November 2, 2011 at 1:43 pm

  20. FatherOf4

    I found http://mychainsaregone.org/ to be what helped me overcome porn use the most.. I wish I had known the lies of the western church before I started looking at it. Now I have to retrain my children against Christian culture's teaching.

    November 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm

  21. Theresa

    Thank you, thank you, thank you so very, very much for sharing this story. I am still crying as I read the comments of those empowered enough to finally speak up against this debilitating addiction. It truly feels as though you penned these words for me, from the first indication that we get introduced to porn because of someone else (whether a broken or dying relationship – my own story, a boyfriend, the media, or a parent or friend). Particularly powerful and healing were the truths about the addicting powers of the chemicals released and the biological way they make us question our sexuality. This was me for over a year as I went through a very broken break-up and sought out some emotional comfort and control over the emptiness inside. Though I still struggle with the temptation and am burdened by my own silence, I recognize the truth, and I have claimed that truth over this disease of the soul.

    November 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm

  22. Pingback: » Pornography Resources » Good Women Project Good Women Project

  23. Thank you for your transparency on this difficult subject. God will break the captives free when we stop the hiding!

    November 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

  24. Alex

    Your honesty in this is incredible. I agree with the comment above me, God will break the captives free. We just have to come out of hiding and ask him.

    November 6, 2011 at 1:55 am

  25. Pingback: Monday Motivation |

  26. david

    What about gay male porn, lesbian porn, alternative porn, porn made by women? A small but growing literature on these genres shatters the generalizations made in this article about pornography. (see Bakehorn, 2010; Collins, 1998; DeVoss, 2002; Stychin, 1992; Thomas, 2010; Tucker, 1991). As a very sensual man who has practiced tantra, I can say pornography has not made me an addict, limp, confused by my sexuality, violent against women, or anything of the sort. Objectification is a real threat, but the problem goes well before pornography even existed. Your article provokes thought, but don't quote bad-written research articles as if they're fact.

    January 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

  27. oliviakub

    I don't know who you are, but I want to thank you for writing this. I've felt incredibly alone in this, and honestly felt detestable and perverted. I couldn't sort out why this was happening to me, since it's not been a lifelong occurrence, and I thought I was losing my mind or mutating into something more evil than I could imagine. I don't think I came upon this by accident, because what you write is truly something I haven't heard out of the mouth of a woman before.

    February 25, 2012 at 12:03 am

  28. Jessie

    I think as women it is easier to hid pornography addictions. Growing up in the church men would talk about how only men struggled with pornography which gave them an open gateway to talk to each other about it and get help. I remember also in high school having male friends who would watch porn openly, sometimes even right in front of us women, and think it was ok. So as a women I believed that only men struggled with it and that it was normal.

    When I got older and my own computer I was really curious to see what all the fuss was about. So I watched it. I like you lauren never became addicted (so I thought) but the damage it did to my heart was way more devastating then I ever thought it would be. And the worst part is I never talked about it because I thought women didnt watch it and it would only make me a freak.

    As a psych major I have studied the effect of dopamine in the brain and it is true, dopamine is a pleasure based neurotransmitter. It is what gives us the liking effect when we do something. So of course we are going to enjoy porn in the moment, but our brain tells us we need to watch more and more of it to get that same feeling.

    As an adult in my mid twenties, it is my heart to speak truth into women who are struggling with addictions, specifically porn. Women DO struggle with it but it will NEVER satisfy. And nothing is too big for the Lord. He has overcome the temptation in my life. And I agree with what other women have said so far, What is brought into light darkness flees and satan has no power anymore. He wins and frees us from things.

    Have hope women, we are in this together. God is bigger then this!

    May 5, 2012 at 6:17 pm

  29. Audrey

    Since January, I have struggled with an obsession with watching porn/ masturbation. At first, I just masturbated but then had a harder time getting turned on by myself, so I moved on. No one knows that I watch it. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone. What will my friends think? I am a sophomore in college and live in my sorority house. These girls won’t understand. It’s a real struggle. I don’t know how to quit even though I want to. The pleasure from the masturbation always overpowers my logic. I’ve never had sex an want to wait til marriage, but I know this is cheating. I don’t know how to tell people or how to ask for help.

    September 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

  30. Sarah

    Thanks so much for this! I know it began nearly a year ago but I believe it was meant for me to read tonight. I have struggled with looking at pornographic photos since high school which later turned to videos in college. I always saw it as something “bad” and had fun hiding it from my parents and doing something I knew I shouldn’t. When I was younger, I didn’t know the term porn. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized what it was and how it had affected me (even now, legile reading this, earning things about it I didn’t know). As someone above said, I knew it was wrong but the devil and my pleasure won out over obeying the Lord and I feel as though I have let Him down. I have prayed about it for a while now and was doing well until about 2 months ago (and have only viewed it only 3x in the last year-2/3 being in the past few days) but I have no excuse for those three times. Simply put, I gave into temptation. I firmly believe that through serious prayer, the Lord will help me win this battle. This is the first time I’ve ever really said anything outside of my thoughts. I will be praying for each of you ladies as we fight this battle with the Lord against the nasty devil!

    September 18, 2012 at 12:32 am

  31. G.C

    This has to submitted in smaller bits so it's broken up.
    I think you have to stop feeling you've let God down and that he would be shocked and furious, or that you've failed and so suffered sexual humiliation in how you've perverted your upholding of proper human behaviour. Forget that.
    I don't want to go into my beliefs, I'm not an unbeliever, if that helps people to trust me, but I also see the order of things without a creator being necessary, (DNA, evolution, physics, chemistry).
    But I think

    January 4, 2013 at 1:16 am

  32. G.C

    1. If you're worried whether Jesus tolertates this sin, why then would you think Jesus wouldn't acknowledge something that you and he both know that you're sorry about? Relax. You won't go to Hell.
    2. Its normal to be aroused by the sexual instinct. If you experience great thrill at seeing sexual action and the body's allure, then you're quite normal. If you feel aroused by seeing the bodily parts of your own sex, and their functions, even involving acts performed exclusively by members of that sex, then you'veth got to realise that this is just due the fact that you're aroused by the NORMAL idea of the participation of your own body parts' involvements in sex and their (designed to be) arousing quality in themselves and your own connection to feeling
    through them as well as seeing them.

    January 4, 2013 at 1:26 am

  33. G.C

    3.See it as an experience or feeling that a human can have. When you're used to that idea you won't need to feel so guilty and you won't watch it all the time.
    4. The shame with pornography is more about who could be being exploited in the making of the material.
    5. Don't worry so much that the norms seem damaged, rather, they're not.

    January 4, 2013 at 1:35 am

  34. Lili

    Wow! This is so true. Since I was a child, I had a curiosity in pornography (probably because of some unfortunate childhood experiences). I was not able to obtain any pornography. It was in rare occasions, only when I went to some of my cousins houses and they had magazines about sex. When I was 12, my family finally contracted internet, and at first I was not interested at all, but when I started reading random fan-fictions about some cartoons during that time, I started encountering stories with sexual details. That made me more curious and I started looking at pictures. When I was 15, I started watching videos. These actions were only done three or four times in a year; still, I knew I was doing wrong. I am Catholic. I felt so bad after watching those video that I had to get on my knees and apologize to God. I promised him I was not going to do this ever again. Unfortunately, after I started dating and after I discovered that my boyfriend had been watching porn after four years of dating, I was devastated and I had, again, the curiosity to know what he was doing and why he was doing it. I started watching videos, to the point of founding myself masturbating. It was getting bad one month, watching it almost one or two times per week. Even though this did not ruin my boyfriend's perceptive of our sex life, it defiantly ruined mine. I was having a hard time enjoying what was supposed to be the moment of our bond. He is also religious, and we talked about this issue. He said that he tried to stop several times as well because he felt wrong, but after some months he would eventually go back. We made a promise to each other, and to God, that we were stopping this issue. We both agree that if we ever felt the necessity of going back, we will have to call, or text each other no matter what and talk about it or release the tension with some real love from each other. It has been working for both, although it's been only three months. This has been helping our sex life. This sin may not take us to hell, as many will argue, but it does damage a relationship after a time. If it is not him, than it will be her, and it damages our hearts.

    January 8, 2013 at 5:03 am

  35. Marte Thunestvedt

    I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. I was just sitting with my laptop, looking for av excuse for watching porn, even though I didn't really want to. Addiction has always had a huge power over me. Anyway, I was searching for "porn you've never seen before", because I was not fulfilled by what I had watched earlier. Instead you article came up, and I decided – just because of the guilt – to read it. In the beginning I was just reading to get it over with, because I knew I would watch porn afterwards anyway, I always do. But when I scrolled further down to the "I wish" list, I ended up not even wanting to continue my nasty search for a moment. This honestly was the coldest shower I have taken, and for that I will credit you highly. I never thought written words would change my mind. Again, thank you very much for making my day :)

    March 22, 2013 at 9:57 pm

  36. Bob

    I guess this is why Islam prohibits the whole concept of pornography from the evil desirous glance of a the opposite sex to watching the real thing, it ruins lives and destroys families. May god guide us all

    April 4, 2013 at 7:19 pm

  37. liz

    This article is very interesting and I would agree with a lot of the negatives of watching pornography which are highlighted in it. I understand that this is a mostly christian site? It is actually difficult to find an article on the negative effects of pornography on women which isnt from this christian angle.

    I actually think this is a massive shame as it makes one instantly assume that the article is purely a chance to preach about the religious sins of sex or pornography. Where in fact the truth is that pornography can have negative effects, beyond the religious implications.

    Like I said, very interesting article just wish their could be more information out there with out the underlining christian tag. So as to mostly educate a proportion of the population who like myself may have turned away from this article in the fear that this was a dogmatic approach to make one feel guilty about their sexuality. Which is far from what it actually is, which is a very deeply honest and interesting, educating read.

    Perhaps you could also publish this somewhere else, for people like myself who may have by-passed it in fear their about to be preached to.

    September 7, 2013 at 2:51 pm

  38. Ingrid

    I'm so glad i found this site. Thank you so much for the articles on here. Porn has recently wormed its way into my life when I found out that my boyfriend watches it. I had never thought about being with someone who watched porn before but I quickly found out how deeply and bitterly it hurt me. I couldn't stop thinking about it, i couldn't stop crying about it. He's not christian so it's been a struggle for us to not have sex so far. But we haven't been completely pure and this led me to being sexually frustrated, pushing me toward looking at images online and masturbation. I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself but it has become a habit recently that i don't know how to stop.

    It's amazing to read this article because it confirms my suspicions that porn is not just bad because the church says it is, but because it is damaging to us and to our relationships. God doesn't tell us not to do things that are pleasurable because He likes to make us suffer, but because they are harmful to us. It's easy to lose sight of this when society tells you porn is normal and even healthy.

    The pain of my boyfriend watching porn led me to forums to express my hurt and frustration and to be told by other girls that it hurts them too. To my shock and horror almost every single response i got was 'you're being unfair, porn is normal,' or 'I'm glad I'm not dating you,' or 'why don't you watch it yourself and then it won't bother you so much,' among other things that shocked me. Not until i found this site did i feel like my reaction was normal and right.

    I brought up my concerns to my boyfriend. I told him how it made me feel; that i felt cheated on, inadequate and that i felt i was outperformed before i'd even had the chance to please him sexually yet. I told him i felt it was bad for him to watch porn and that I wouldn't tolerate it later (meaning if we get engaged and if we get married), so i don't want to have to put up with it now.

    I don't think he's addicted, I think it's just occasional and for relief, but it hurts me none the less. Now that i'm struggling with it myself, i wonder how anyone could give it up without the will to. I know he would never do anything to hurt me, but I'm afraid he will continue to watch porn behind my back as long as i don't find out. Does anyone have a non-christian boyfriend/husband who has given up porn for them? I need to know where this is going because I know he is the one but i can't tolerate porn in my house or in my relationship.

    Thank you for the article Lauren, you and others who have written about this topic on here have helped me a great deal.

    October 11, 2013 at 5:33 am

  39. sumpuertoricanguy

    I hve been watching and masturbating to porn since i was 14 and now i do have erectile disfunction.

    January 8, 2014 at 2:02 am

  40. Carmen

    I was exposed to pornography at a young age. No one purposely showed pornography to me, I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time where I was able to see things that a kid should not. This led to me looking up different porn websites when I was older and had a better understanding of what porn really was. I started to not only watch it but masturbate to it as well. After I was done, I always felt ashamed and disgusted with myself and I still do now. I really want to stop this vicious cycle but I don’t know how. I just so ashamed that I don’t even want to tell any of my family or friends because I don’t want to judged treated differently because of my addiction to porn. I just feel lost.

    March 15, 2014 at 10:12 am

  41. Melinda

    I watched porn of all kinds out of curiosity. I wanted to see what the big deal that men find so pleasurable. Watching it made me want to masturbate and hide this from my husband. I didn’t want him to think I was a sex freak. When I want sex, he doesn’t. So I find myself going to bed on my cell phone in the quiet of my own room. I do know that there are several kinds of porn. Some is very gross and demeaning and involves bestiality and bondage. I stray from that after watching because I can’t see myself doing that nasty stuff. My viewing leaned towards heterosexual activities and very much aroused by gang banging of multiple guys on a single girl. I watched gay sex and it turned me off. I’m writing this to you because I read your article and I’ve experimented with sex since I was a teenager. I didn’t turn to porn until my 40s when I feel less desirable as a woman to my husband. I am 185 lbs and I feel ugly on the outside. I like porn because I can have sex with a good looking man without touching him and getting a STD. I know that it’s morally bad and feel guilty just like I do when I over eat. Please pray for me.

    March 21, 2014 at 9:22 pm

  42. Sasha

    Thank you so much for writing this amazing article, and for your honesty and clarity. I've truly connected with it, and have dealt with the harsh effects of pornography, but am now on my way to quitting, thanks to the Good Women Project.

    May 4, 2014 at 8:23 pm

  43. Rayray

    " the porn they are watching is keeping them from being turned on by me"

    Well, being a guy who has watched P for more than a decade, I hate to say this, but if they are not turned on by you, it has nothing to do with P, it's just that you are not hot enough…

    May 22, 2014 at 11:51 am

  44. Suzanne

    It sounds like you are blaming porn for your issues that may have surfaced without it. Everyone has issues in relationships and their emotional and sexual health to some extent, with or without porn. I’m not saying I don’t believe you or agree with you, but you wrote melodramatic poetry instead of a specific explanation for why porn was the cause of your problems.

    July 7, 2014 at 1:49 pm

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    September 23, 2014 at 2:33 am

  46. nqobile

    hi Ladies

    my name is Nqobile a born again child of God, I’m 26yrs of Age.
    my first question I would like to ask from you ladies is that is it a sin to Date? because the reason why Im saying this, it because Im a born again child of God since 2007 when I was doing matric, and I’ve never been dated since, because I was raised by Parents who fear God very much.
    In June this year I meet this Guy, who is my friend’s brother and He said to me he loved me very much and he wants to marry me, but at the moment he is not working and it was very difficult for me because we are not allowed in my church to date for good reasons of which I do understand, and I told him to wait for because I’m not ready for sex and since I’m a Christian it is a sin to to sleep if you are not married, fine he understands that very well and now we have a very peaceful relationship and I’m still hoping that he is going to get a job and do all this like paying at my home and we get married.
    But the problem is that she we are not doing anything sometimes I just feel so lonely and watch porn, just to fill the space inside me. Ladies please help and I so wish now he get a job and we get married.
    So Guys what can I do?

    thanks

    January 9, 2015 at 5:06 pm

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