They Do Exist.

God Saw My Rape And He Didn’t Stop It

Editor’s Note: Our topic for May is “Rape & Unwanted Sex.” Sexual assault, molestation, trafficking, prostitution, physical boundaries that are crossed – all of these will fall under the topic. We will be featuring additional submissions that we’ve received that fall under other topics as well. Today’s post is by Kelsey. She blogs at grownintexas.wordpress.com. – Lauren

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

I never imagined that the last words that Jesus uttered on this earth would haunt me in my dreams.

But let me back up. A few years ago, I was raped by an acquaintance. It was during college, and he was a friend of a friend. I was in an unfamiliar place, with people I didn’t know very well. I’d had a couple drinks, but not enough to start blacking out like I found myself unexpectedly doing. I was whisked away to a strange, dark place. Before it even started I was crying. I said no. He didn’t care; I think he laughed.

I woke up startled, forgetting what had happened. Reality, or my hazy grasp of it, sunk in and I wandered home, too confused to make sense of what had happened. At first I denied it, then I tried to explain it away and laugh it off. Shortly thereafter, I fell apart.

Photo by Alexandria Ann

A few months later, I told the truth about what happened to some trusted friends, who offered me nothing but love and grace and truth. I tried to get some counseling. I felt pretty OK, I thought. I prayed and felt peace, or at least it felt something like peace. I was OK.

A year went by. I was reading in the book of Matthew, and as I got to the end of the final chapter, a terrible, earth-shattering, soul-rocking thought dawned on me: He was there. God was there the night I was raped. He heard my protests and saw my tears and watched me get those bruises.

And He didn’t stop it.

I was now, officially, no longer OK.

This little realization plunged me deep into crisis. What in the world was I doing following a God who allowed such terrible things to happen? Around the same time, the nightmares started. I had vivid flashbacks, recurring bad dreams, and near-constant feelings of despair, hopelessness, and listlessness. I became afraid of sleeping. I walked around in a dazed, zombie-like state because I was so scared of what would happen when I closed my eyes at night. I ate either too much or not enough. I was afraid of being alone, but I hated being with people. I isolated myself from everyone I knew – I, the textbook definition of an extrovert, distanced myself from my closest friends.

If God was there, why didn’t he do something?

Eventually, feeling exhausted from the vicious cycle of either deadening my emotions or doing harmful things to awaken them, I started asking God what he felt about my rape. I closed my eyes and asked, timidly at first, what’s happening on your end, God?

The answers slowly started coming from Scripture. As I read the Psalms, and story after story that recounted God’s sorrow over sin, it became clear to me that God cares deeply about my hurt and pain. I discovered that rape was not a part of his perfect plan for the creation of a world meant to bring him glory. I learned that God suffers with those who suffer. I remembered that God took our suffering and nailed it to the cross with his son Jesus, out of absolute love for us.

God knows pain. He knows what it feels to be rejected and abused and despairing, because Jesus felt those things first. This truth is difficult. It’s not as pretty or tidy or straightforward, but it’s real.

I find comfort in the reality that God was there, because the only thing worse than realizing He was there is thinking that He wasn’t.

I am comforted that by being there when I was raped, God saw it for how bad it was. He heard my cries and He hears them now. He sees. He knows. He understands.

I may never understand why God allowed rape to happen to me. But of this I am sure: God came to my rescue in the dark aftermath of my rape and he continues to come to my rescue on my up-and-down path of healing.

I don’t believe in chance anymore. I also don’t believe that the things that happen to us are punishments or rewards based on our behavior.

In the past, I believed that every experience I have, positive or negative, somehow contains a lesson or a morsel of instruction intended to grow me – and I need to look at it optimistically and deal. But now, I’ve found grace for myself. Can God work through terrible things and use them for his glory? Absolutely. But the reality of living on this broken planet means that some things just suck and just happen, and I believe all I’m supposed to ‘learn’ is that even when they do, I can cling to truth and hold fast to the God who loves me unconditionally

My journey of healing has taught me, among other things, to stop working to find lessons that we ‘should’ find – where there are none.

There is no lesson in rape. There is only victory. As a survivor of sexual assault, I can still stand firmly on the promise that Jesus is with us always, till the very end of the age. I can rejoice that God sent his Holy Spirit to be my guide and comforter. I can proclaim that rape does not determine my identity or limit my potential. My healing is a continual process, and it’s one that I believe might not come to completion this side of eternity, but I can wait with eager expectation for the day it is completed.

Nothing has made me look forward to heaven more than this. Nothing has made the glories of heaven, a place where God “will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore,” sound so sweet.

I once took a personality test that told me that I am an exhorter, meant to inspire others to live victoriously, so I’m starting with me. I’m choosing victory. I’m opening up about rape and pain and hurt in full confidence that it’s a gift to be able to talk about it, and in hope that some woman, somewhere will hear in my words that she is not alone, and that our God is very good. I’m standing on the promise that for those who love God “all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Did you catch that? Not some things. All things. Even intense, searing pain. Even rape.

Romans 8 tells us that our victory is sure. “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (8:38).

Not even rape can separate us from Christ. Hallelujah.

Beloved, keep on conquering. Tell your story, and walk in victory.


Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
Follow Good Women Project on Twitter: @goodwomenproj
Be a fan on Facebook: facebook.com/goodwomenproject

Subscribe to our email newsletter for insider updates here or subscribe to the blog here. Or both.
Everyone on our team is volunteer, and we are funded 100% by you. If you'd like to donate, you can here.
We're also doing fun stuff on Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest!


63 Responses

  1. Thank you sooo much for sharing. I too am a rape survivor and I'd asked the same question and got the same answer :) Our God is good. That's for sure… I can almost say that rape was one of the most beneficial things that happened to me in my walk with God because I SEE the God He is and not the one I may have made him to be where all is pretty and all is easy.

    He really does take sorrow and pain and work it for our good – I have a community project started up to help others in His name.

    I'm so grateful to you for sharing this.
    Stay encouraged :)

    May 3, 2012 at 6:08 am

  2. leeleegirl4

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, even though it had to be scary and painful. God will use you for incredible things.

    May 3, 2012 at 7:44 am

  3. Emma

    I cried through this whole post. What sweet, sweet redemption. Thank you for sharing.

    May 3, 2012 at 10:56 am

  4. kelsemery

    This is incredible. Thank you for sharing.

    May 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

  5. Kelsey,

    Thank you for sharing your story! God is going to use it in powerful ways. I'm soo proud of you! I love you. And, I'm celebrating healing and victory with you. You're brave and beautiful and dearly loved. Miss you my friend! =]

    Much love,

    Kera

    May 3, 2012 at 11:44 am

  6. Ava

    Dear Kelsey,

    I am blown away by your confidence and gracefulness. Your words "I’m opening up about rape and pain and hurt in full confidence that it’s a gift to be able to talk about it, and in hope that some woman, somewhere will hear in my words that she is not alone, and that our God is very good" will resonate with me for quite a while. It's incredibly ironic that yesterday, I gave a brief lecture to my fellow students enrolled in a class titled Sexual Communication about the importance of disclosure of sexual assault, how it provides healing, reassurance, and validation. However, the most influential aspect of disclosing is the response of your listeners. In this community, we are listening and we are all blessed by your strength!

    You are a survivor, and you are loved!

    Ava

    May 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm

  7. Elise

    I was sexually abused by my father for almost all of my childhood/adolescence. It wasn't until several years later, in the midst of therapy, that it occurred to me that God had been there all of those years. And he had been watching. That's how I pictured it, anyway. And oh my, into a spiral of despair I went. It took me several more years to come to the Truth you write about here.

    Thank you so much for your transparency and honesty in sharing this story. I am sure there are girls out there just like you and me wrestling with this question and quite possibly, because of what you've had the courage to write here, the Truth about God's presence in the midst of their horrific suffering will come more quickly.

    May 3, 2012 at 12:17 pm

  8. Thanks for your raw honesty. This is amazingly powerful, and you handle the really tough question so well. I am thankful that God has worked victory in you in spite of this horrible thing. I am also thankful that you shared.

    May 3, 2012 at 1:55 pm

  9. Sue R

    "But the reality of living on this broken planet means that some things just suck and just happen, and I believe all I’m supposed to ‘learn’ is that even when they do, I can cling to truth and hold fast to the God who loves me unconditionally." Amen. I went through my own bad stuff as a kid (mom died at age 36 of an aneurysm) and I don't have a "why" for it, never really have. And yet, I work now as a bereavement counselor for a hospice, so God used to help other people.

    I also find that a lot of bad things happen in the world because God has created each of us with free will, and there are people who will choose to do the evil thing. God does not interfere with free will in general – he wants us to choose Him freely, not to be puppets. But that means sometimes the free will choice of another hurts us.

    Thank you for your opennes..

    May 3, 2012 at 2:02 pm

  10. Erica

    Wow……..this blessed me so much! Thank you for sharing! Such an amazing story of restoration and redemption.

    May 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm

  11. Tears came to my eyes when I read this. It sounded like you were writing my story – such similar paths. It has been 7 years since that nightmare. Someone once told me "Unbroken people can't help broken people" . . . that statement has become very true in my life. God has lead me to many women that are searching for healing. "He makes all things new" even the sucky things – He makes new. I talk briefly about my healing here: http://jacobandmandy.blogspot.com/2010/01/he-make

    May 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

  12. Pingback: [Article Response] “God Saw My Rape and He Didn’t Stop It” | Orange Backpack

  13. This is so powerful.
    I haven't dealt with a pain like this, but I think we all have different things that cause us a lot of pain.
    I know, for me, it was an abusive relationship. I know I asked why God didn't stop it, why He saw it and allowed it…. so true that He hurts with us.

    Thank you.

    May 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

  14. lumilarose

    I send you a hug as I feel like we are sisters in this event (more than we are as daughters of God anyway) x

    May 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

  15. melissa

    thank you so much for taking a step toward sharing your story and exhorting others. it is so true – sometimes there isn't a lesson, only victory. Even the woman who bled twelve years until she finally got a chance to touch Jesus' coat didn't have a moral to her story – she just found healing and belonging that precious day she was finally face to face with Jesus. This is you and all of us who go through hard things because we live in a fallen world with other sinners – some of whom commit evil acts against us. I am so glad you discovered the love of God through this and are being used as a brilliant beacon to glorify him and attract others (hurt Christians and nonbelievers, alike) to him.

    May 3, 2012 at 6:16 pm

  16. LogicWorks

    Seriously in denial

    May 3, 2012 at 9:28 pm

  17. gdonner

    Kelsey, thank you for your sharing your heart with such honesty and transparency! As only God can, I pray that he would bring much-needed healing and hope as you trust Him.

    May 4, 2012 at 8:44 am

  18. Grace

    Thank you for your post. It has encouraged me immensely. :) Again, thank you.

    May 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

  19. Lindz

    Thank you for choosing to be vulnerable by sharing this. God will multiple your courage.

    May 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

  20. Wow. I agree with everyone else who said thanks for sharing this. I think it's good to ask those really hard questions- "if God was there, why didn't he make it stop"- not really because there's some magical answer, but because God is with us and understands us, and we learn to trust him more and more by being honest with him about the hard questions.

    May 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm

  21. A. McMillan

    Thank you for boldly, honestly addressing this question. I am most heartened and encouraged by those who are not afraid to explore a question like this, to open that door, not knowing what the outcome might be. I think sometimes we don't ask such tough questions because we think the answer might not be pretty or might lead to a conclusion we don't want to accept. I have never been violated in such a way. But I have cried for others whose stories I've heard. I wondered in my heart, 'God, why did You let that happen? How can she ever know You now or believe that You are good?' Some of the more horrific stories made me wonder who I followed at times, but I cannot deny the experience I have personally had with God, that tells me He is who He says He is. It makes me want to cry and worship now, to see that He has spoken to this also, that He has broken through even this darkness. Our God is truly beyond our understanding and He can handle whatever we bring to Him. He is worthy of our loyalty and transparency. Thanks for sharing this!!!

    May 10, 2012 at 11:26 am

  22. Larissa

    Like this woman I was also raped and probably drugged as well. I never blamed God, I blamed the mystery man that took me from the bar and back to a hotel. I woke up while he was raping me but never opened my eyes and I passed out I think shortly after. I woke up again and saw him standing in front of me and being the vocal person I am I said nothing and passed out again. About 8 years later I was talking on the phone late at night to a friend. I had to work in the morning so I said goodbye and took a shower. I had no clean towels so I walked naked into the living room to get some unfolded laundry (I live alone) but someone was there! I had never seen him in my life.i said “what are u doing here” and he said nothing. I realized there is no good answer to that question and I ran to my bedroom. The lock was brooken and he pushed open the door and I fell onto the ground on my back. I kicked and screamed and pleaded with him not to rape me. Finally I realized I was alone and nobody was there to save me. Being scared of being alone I started to pray out loud. I then realized how god had protected me before! I hated not remembering what happened but at that moment I realized god had been gracefully by not allowing me memory of that night. I continued to pray hoping god would let me black out andi would have no memory of this night either. But god answered my prayer he did more than I ever could have hoped for …the guy got up and ran out and I called the police. I am pressing charges we did find him and I feel that god wants me to work with victims of rape and sexual abuse. As bad as it was I know it could be worse and I thank god that it wasn’t.

    June 17, 2012 at 11:15 am

  23. Harinna

    I lost my 10 years relationship during April. My ex left me with so many pains and since then i have been heart broken and shattered. I have contact 15 spell casters and 10 of them has rip me off my money without any result. I have Emailed so many sites online looking for a good spell caster till i was directed by a 16 years old girl to alteroffiretemple@gmail.com At first i never believed him because he was requesting for some amount of money to buy items, it took him three weeks to convince me and something occur to mind and i said let me give him a trial.
    I was very shocked when Ruben called four days after i sent Dr OMO the items money. He apologies for all he has done wrong and i am very happy that we are together today because he proposed to me last night. I will advise you contact Email alteroffiretemple@gmail.com because he has done wonders in my life and i believe he can help you out in any problem

    September 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

  24. Pingback: knowing the 5th | invisible52

  25. abhishek

    i dont believe this.. A women in Delhi India raped by 6 men.. and after 13 days she died…her intestine were damaged.. where is god and where he was there at time.

    January 1, 2013 at 6:46 am

  26. bosomcompliment

    God would not let things like the mistaken idea of calling forced sexual intercourse "rape" this word being used out of context of course happen if everyone wasn't so conceited and would have followed what the bible says instead of doing what is clean in our own eyes. So-called feminists are Satans lovers, they are not lovers of God if they were and anyone else was they would not post their negative comments about the compliments they receive from men.

    January 10, 2013 at 11:45 pm

  27. bill

    If thinking that way helps you cope then so be it. Let's have these scenarios .
    1. A person was going to be attacked, but manage to escape before anything happened…. Thank you God.
    2. A person was caught, beaten, but manage to escape…..Thank you God.
    3. A person was rape…. Thank you God for being there.
    4. A person was rape and murder… Thank you God for taking her home.
    Do you see a pattern?

    May 29, 2013 at 3:06 am

  28. Emma

    Hi everyone,iam Emma,iam 25 ys old, I was raped when I was six years old, many times, crashed my childhood and my life, I thought of committing suicide because I can not live where I grew up in the old feel fear and unhappiness more than before, did not tell my family about it, because I live in a community east of the family to kill the girl when exposed raped, i can not marry because i am not virgin

    June 26, 2013 at 7:18 am

  29. Anonymous

    . God sent demons to RAPE my friend since she was 17. She was too young to be having sex. (God told my friend that he was chastening her near the end of the "chastisement"). She was in pain. Then God told her she deserved it. You want to know what she did? Watch porn. That’s all she did. She did not hurt anyone. Then God reprobated her for hurting his feelings. But you know what, God hurt her feelings by sending demons to rape her first. My friend, now she is starting to hate God. God even sent demons to rape her out of hate when she was a reprobate. Your god is abusive. You wanna know the sick thing about God? He abandoned and hid himself when she needed him most. God tried to hurt my friend on purpose. God even told my frined that he cares more about his glory than her circumstances. Your God is sadistic. He sends rape on her, for what? Watching porn? I am glad I am not a Christian!And The Holy Spirit don’t care about nobody but himself. The Holy Spirit won’t even comfort my friend. Your GOd is a pervert. He took advantage of that girl, then abandoned her. That is like sex trafficking.

    September 15, 2013 at 9:31 am

  30. Anonymous

    1.God sent demons to rape my friend knowing she would not get the peacable fruit of righteousness and knowing she hates rape.
    2.God sent a demon looking like a man (or it was actually a man), knowing she hates the thought about being raped by a man (demons are genderless) and she would be in severe pain.
    3.God sent a pretty mean prophet to tell my friend that His judgement is righteous and just and other mean things.
    4.God reprobated her after the girl complained and said she hated God.
    5.God sent demons to rape her out of hate and not “love” this time (she swears he did).
    6.Eventually, God gave her her salvation back.
    7.Now God is hiding himself and abandoned her when she needs Him the most. My friend tried to kill herself 5 times, and God still won’t comfort my friend. The girl begged God to come back, He did not. He has hidden himself for a couple of months now. My friend is trying to pick up the pieces. God hid Himself without even restoring her.

    September 15, 2013 at 9:33 am

  31. Anonymous

    Do you wanna know what the thing is? My friend is special ed. God took advantage of her. All because she watched porn. There is someone else who gets away with being perverted towards her, who is going to heaven, who is also special ed. Who’s sin is worse, the one who was perverted to the girl when she was a little girl, or the one who watched porn,but wasn’t perverted towards anyone. God enjoys putting pain on my friend and then abandoning her. Why? She did not sexually abuse anybody. Just watched porn for years. God enjoys hurting my frend. God needs to take responsibility and help my friend. At least I’m standing up for her. She is not that special ed, but she is special ed. And it is wrong what God did.

    September 15, 2013 at 9:35 am

  32. Anonymous

    You say God gives every man according to his ways? I read about people who watched porn, but God did not bother to chasten them the same way. So why is God picking on my friend? Why her of all people?
    Why not sickness instead? Why couldn't God be faithful in my friend's affliction? My friend didn't rape nobody. She did not lay around with random men on the streets, like some whore. My friend didn't sow any of those things. She just watched porn. The worst she deserved were demons looking at her naked. I am the only one who believes her. She has nobody to confide in about this but me! She is not even part of the elect, so why should God chasten her if not. She is not God's favorite, it makes no sense. The worst my friend deserved were demons looking at her naked (I am going by the verse "a man reapeth what he sows.")

    September 15, 2013 at 9:36 am

  33. Anonymous

    God promises to be faithful in people's affliction, but if you read above, He was not faithful to my friend. My friend was responsible with porn. It is not like she was perverted to people. She just watched porn. Why would God do such horrendous things to her and not other people, and all she did was watch porn. Yet and still my friend is abandoned by God. God is a perv and God even sent rape out of hate on a special ed person. If you have watched porn, God probably thinks you deserve to get raped. Or He probably thinks you deserve to get raped by demons. Yes, God condones rape in certain circumstances. Just be careful, if you get raped, God may abandon you too.

    September 15, 2013 at 9:41 am

  34. Kayla

    If God cared about your rape, what is the genderless freak doing watching you get raped and not doing anything about it. God's sick ass should have stopped the rape, not just watched. God is sick in the head. From what I have read, God probably thinks it is not his problem. God is probly like this "It's not my problem, so I'll just let it happen." And gross, from what I have read above me? God is sick enough to send rape on people. What a sick, perverted unjust God! That proves God condones rape for some people! Well, your God is a perv!

    September 15, 2013 at 9:51 am

  35. cielo

    i have found a peace from God after rape. It took a long time but I have realized and learned from God most of what you are expressing here. i have found that people who do not have God will not understand how we can accept this peace and accept that God is good even after such a horrible thing. There is a song called victory in Jesus and that was part of what helped me understand. it was comforting to hear you say victory as well. that is how i feel, victorious.
    God Bless you!

    September 24, 2013 at 2:42 am

  36. nona

    Thank you so much for these comments. I can understand that these people found healing in praying and in the relationship with God, but where is the answer of the question. why did God allow this to happen to 5 and 7 years old girls. What they did to deserve this?

    November 16, 2013 at 10:56 am

  37. Lorraine

    Forgive me for my very long post that is why it needs to be split. For those people here who hate God, I understand your feelings of anger. But let me tell you these things. I believe that you think that God controls the good and bad actions of all people. He does not control the will of people. Remember that He gave us intellect and free will. God watched Eve ate the fruit. God watched Cain killed Abel. God watched his son, Jesus, crucified. God watched you raped, tormented, offended, suffering. Because of these, you believed that God is just a watcher. Another reason is that you believe that God is the only spirit present, you forgotten that there is Satan also present, who in reality, is the one making your life miserable.

    There are 3 Wills in this world. These are God's will, Satan's will, and human's will. God's will is always for the good of mankind. Satan's will is for the bad of mankind. Human's will is to choose between God's will and Satan's will. Human's will is a FREE will type, meaning God does not interfere with it because He respects your will. But in your final judgment, He will judge you by the choices you made in your life. If you chose Satan's will then you will go to hell. You can kill or rape anybody if you chose to but you will face the consequence of that in your final judgment.

    December 19, 2013 at 12:12 am

  38. Lorraine

    There are many reasons why these happened. Let me give you three. I expect that you will be skeptical because these are unbelievable but at least just treat this as some kind of second opinion. You don't have to believe.
    1. Have you encounter a quote "Grace flows only through Prayer"? Every morning, especially when you get out of the house, always pray a protection prayer. There are many Catholic protection prayers, which includes praying to your Guardian Angel. If your are a nonCatholic, you can pray to God to protect you this day. Pray the Lord's Prayer everyday, why? because there is a part there "deliver us from evil." This will protect you from evil people.

    December 19, 2013 at 12:13 am

  39. Lorraine

    2. Do not buy and wear lucky charms, Feng Sui, especially those accessories you bought from Chinese stores, New Age, or anything that promises you good luck. Let me tell you the truth, these things attract evil spirits. When you are surrounded with evil spirits, you attract evil people. Let me give you an example: A desperate girl searching for her soul mate bought a braclet from a New Age store. The store owner recited some prayers and promises the girl that she will attract love if she wears the bracelet. She did wear the bracelet hoping that the man she searches will come to her. If you are a Christian, you should know that New Age is demonic. So what happened to the girl, well she attracts lustful men, men that are not Christian, men who does not have good values. You may asked again why? It is because, evil spirits can never attract true love, for true love comes only from God.
    Let me give you a true to life story. A woman inherited a necklace from her great grandparents. For some reason, she got very ill. The Christian pastors(I am not sure if he is really a pastor) prayed over her, but she did not get healed. The pastor noticed the necklace and he asked her to remove it and he prayed again. She was healed.

    December 19, 2013 at 12:13 am

  40. Lorraine

    3. Have you encountered the quote "What you think, you attract" ? This is believed by the people who follow "Law of Attraction." I believe that this Law of Attraction is stained with New Age that is why I will not go to that. I have a different explanation, evil spirits are attracted to people who think just like them. If you think lustfully like watching porn, being sensual, longing for sex, you will attract evil spirits of lust (because these spirits are divided into anger, lust, laziness, etc.) Men who are possessed with evil spirits of lust will come to you. They will sexually harassed you.

    December 19, 2013 at 12:14 am

  41. Lorraine

    Let me also share to you about a Christian who saw the spiritual world. His name is Sadhu Sundar Singh. He said the following words: "Evil spirits can injure only those in the world who are like in nature to themselves, and then they can do it only to a limited extent. They can, indeed, trouble the righteous, but not without God's permission. God sometimes does give to Satan and his angels permission to tempt and persecute His people, that they may emerge from the trial stronger and better, as when He allowed Satan to persecute His servant Job. But from such a trial there is gain rather than loss to the believer."

    This is from a satanist turned Christian.
    What things should Christians avoid?
    Many things we should avoid are portrayed as fun and fashionable. Fortune-telling, horoscopes, Ouija boards, Dungeons & Dragons, tarot cards … are some of the things Christians should have no association with. These are tools of evil because they open portals to higher-level demons that are more eager and effective in derailing us from salvation.
    People who are harassed by demons in extraordinary ways have called me to help them out. Usually when I inquire how the demons got there, they have no idea. I ask if they’ve participated in any occult activities, and the answer is usually, "No." Yet when they search deeply enough, it is inevitably revealed that at some time in their past they have gone to a fortune-teller, played with a Ouija board or engaged in some other occult activity.
    Another thing we should all avoid is a sense of entitlement. Anger comes through being hurt, and being hurt comes from having our sense of entitlement violated.
    Anger can be a very destructive thing because it attracts demons like blood attracts sharks in water.

    December 19, 2013 at 12:14 am

  42. Lorraine

    In my understanding, the best way for evil spirit to harm you is through possessing evil people. They can MANIPULATE CIRCUMSTANCES. That is why it is very important that you think good things and pray protection prayers.

    For the children, innocent women like you, who are not guilty of the above 3 reasons, who got raped, always remember that we have a God of Justice. The rapist may escaped the punishments here on earth but he can never escape the Divine punishment of God. If you think that you are the only miserable person, well think of the aborted babies, they never had the chance to live because their parents "willed" to kill. They did not follow God's will of "Thou shall not kill."

    Even if the world torments you, always do good, have faith in Christ. You will be judged on how you treat other people not on how other people treat you.

    Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem
    People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; Forgive them anyway.
    If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
    If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
    If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
    What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
    If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
    The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
    Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
    You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God; It was never between you and them anyway.

    Matthew 25:40
    And the King shall answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me.

    What ever bad things they did to you, they did that to Jesus.

    December 19, 2013 at 12:15 am

  43. Lorraine

    This link is nice. Brother Ignatius can answer why God allows suffering. You can asked him through forums. http://oswc.org/stmike/qa/fs/viewanswer.asp?QID=5

    December 19, 2013 at 12:23 am

  44. missy

    Lorraine,

    That is interesting.. but I was a very strong believing Christian and I was not engaging in sexual sin and I believed in God’s protection when I was strangled by a stranger at work and injured very badly.

    Then I was so afraid to be alone for the next 6 months that I married my supposedly Christian boyfriend.

    Then after marriage he bullied me and used fear against me even knowing that I already had PTSD from the strangulation. I had about 20 years of that.

    Now he runs around saying I am evil because I divorced him even though he hit me and threatened to kill me and hit our child.

    We went to church the whole time, I was a faithful believer and a tither.
    I do not see any lesson in this. I did not see God protect me. I see that after I was strangled, I was in such a bad emotional state of fear that I married a Christian bully and did not heed the red flags about him. A lot of people say they are Christian but are bullies.

    I have yet to see any good whatsoever in this waste of 20 years of my life.

    February 7, 2014 at 4:13 am

  45. Misanthrope

    Wow, I Have Never Hear So Much Bull Shit in My Life, Are You Fucking Kidding, You Humans Just Love Making Shit up and Saying " Oh, He Must Care, I Just Can't Understand It", Are you Really Saying that you Still believe this Bull Shit after He Watches Everyone in the World Get Raped, Little Boys, Little Girls being Molested by Parents that He Allowed to Exist. I See through this Shit and I am Fucking 13, So Bitch All you Want. ( The only Damn Reason I am Commenting is that I am Very Bored and Its 10:14pm Over Here. )

    March 9, 2014 at 1:14 am

  46. Sjolnr

    They made me watch them rape her, circa 1987. She was tied to a table with her legs straight up & down. The guy I've nicknamed "Duh Jerk" stood smiling while his gang of rapist beat and raped the pretty blond woman over and over. My former middle-school attempted murderers turned stalkers for life, Fagboy, the rich Duh Weasel, and their throwaway Shortstuff and about 10 young men terrorized the girl. Me? I'd been tortured the same as she was for days, maybe weeks? No sleep, no food, no rest, pain, pain, pain. Eventually, they finished and turned thier attention to me, again…
    To be continued. Read about it at http://sjoln8.wix.com\victims-of-bay-city

    March 28, 2014 at 9:37 am

  47. Sjolnr

    Continued from above…
    Duh Jerk demanded that I shoot the woman, on film.
    I refused. The torture resumed. As time went on, I apraised the situation before me. The woman would die no matter what, I was simply the vehicle. They broke me… and I agreed to their terms.
    "Pistol whip her". Duh Jerk said with a smile.
    The woman, strangely enough, egged me on. "Just get it over with". She wanted to get it over with so she could go home.
    I informed her, I'd killed many women for the gang before, her death was assured. Now, humanely, by me. Or slow, lingering, by the gang.
    She didn't look happy at all! Still, she goaded me on. So I pistol whipped her face. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
    Duh Jerk said. "Okay now shoot her".
    Sooo… I wrote it down, and some other stuff at http://sjoln8.wix.com/victims-of-bay-city
    Where was God during the whole thing? He watched the entire thing.

    March 28, 2014 at 9:39 am

  48. Sjolnr

    Continued from above… abridged version.
    Then, Duh Jerk ordered me to shoot her in the presence of his smiling gang of madmen.
    So I did. I put the gun to her forehead and pulled the trigger. BANG!
    When I told a room full of Bay City Michigan Police abut it they laughed and laughed.
    Sooo… I wrote it down, and some other stuff at http://sjoln8.wix.com/victims-of-bay-city
    Where was God during the whole thing? He watched the entire thing.

    March 28, 2014 at 9:40 am

  49. Eugene

    Thank you for sharing your story. But, please realize that men also get raped, especially as a child because they are easy prey. And its harder for a male to admit it because it would have to sodomy which lays your honor and dignity in the dust. God Bless you, but don't forget your brothers who are also dealing with having been raped. Sincerely, Gene

    September 14, 2014 at 10:37 am

  50. karamelciss

    Thank you so much for sharing this. Your faith is so beautiful and I know God will continue to use you in mighty ways for His Glory!

    December 5, 2014 at 11:07 pm

  51. Pingback: hey Slut: Part 2 | Confessions of a Recovering Feminist

  52. Lisa

    Thank you so much Kelsey for sharing this. It saved me from years of torment I could've spent desperately wondering why God allowed me to be abused. I've learnt that just like what you said, things just happen. But He sees it all. And I don't have to worry about proving myself and my story to anyone. The Creator knows what happened.

    Thanks again, I pray you are well and blessed and praise God for your sharing of this story and allowing all of us that need to find it.

    January 27, 2015 at 4:58 am

  53. Dayna Williams

    Women,
    God will repay evil for evil. Evil will slay the wicked. Proverbs

    February 18, 2015 at 2:40 pm

  54. Amananta

    I finally came to some sort of peace with God not stopping my stepfather from raping me as a young teen when I was able (decades later) to open my heart past the hurt to listen. He said all men are given free will and he cannot stop men from exercising their free will, because this is a basic principle of the world as it exists now. But he assured me, he will be punished for what he's done. With this, I must be content.

    April 20, 2015 at 4:44 pm

  55. Esther

    This may help people to understand God a little bit better:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeTMsw_-0BM

    June 27, 2015 at 9:30 am

  56. JEWS-US

    he only care JEWS , so JEWS-US said " who do you think you are ? " . its happen everyday in middle east , not just rape you can check youtube .
    one SYRIAN woman killed after raped , jihadist stab her throat with cross ornament on top of bed where they rape her . god just do nothing hanging on that chatolic cross ornament .

    October 17, 2015 at 2:26 am

  57. Stephanie

    Thank you Kelsey and all the Christian survivors who also shared.
    I’m still angry. Still dealing. Still questioning. Still fighting to have the energy to go on.
    But reading this article has given me so much peace… Especially this “I can proclaim that rape does not determine my identity or limit my potential.”

    May the Lord cleanse us, and (in this lifetime) heal us and redeem us completely.
    Amen!

    February 17, 2016 at 9:41 am

  58. Recovering

    I'm trying. Recovering from close to 4 decades of abuse and rape feels like I'm living in hell. God saw this person repeatedly do horrible things to me, it wasn't just one time. I cannot see how I'm anything but a whore. I am trying to cling to His truth but every day is hard. My rapists and abusers have families, friends, Christmas is a wonderful time for them. While I sit alone in my apartment estranged from my family, betrayed by so called friends and not one invite anywhere because of the damn PTSD, anxiety and panic disorders.

    Where am I supposed to find God in isolation and loneliness?

    December 19, 2016 at 9:10 am

  59. Notyourproblem

    God is pure evil and he deserves being eternally in hell. I don’t give a fuck about Jesus, Jesus wasn’t raped!! And god tortured him to death because he fucking wanted! I never asked him to murder Jesus! I never asked him to come to this crappy planet! And this crappy planet is HIS CREATION. He created earth on purpose, just to torture us for his glory. That’s like leaving a baby in the sea and forcing him to swim while he screams how much he loves you, his God. God is selfish, a dictator, a brat and the most evil thing will ever exist. He saw your rape, mine and everyone. He didn’t just saw it, he enjoyed it, he masturbated with it, like he enjoyed murdering Jesus. God doesn’t deserve nothing, he’s the devil, he created this world just to make us suffer.

    January 22, 2017 at 3:43 am

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *