Sex, Honeymoons, And Things I Didn’t Know
Editor’s Note: This month, we are tackling the topic of sex. We’ll be sharing our stories on sex – from addictions, abuse, pornography, honeymoons, marriage – all of it. The good and the bad. Haley from Tiny Twig shares what she didn’t know about sex, the honeymoon, and all things related. She blogs here and tweets at @thetinytwig. – Lauren
Husband and I met when I was 16. I felt deep down that things were different with him, even though I didn’t have enough sense to know the weight of that insinuation. We met on a Youth Group retreat–and how cliche, except that I had never gone on a trip like that before. See, he was a born and bred “church boy”…and I? Well, I was brought up in a home where Sundays were for washing cars and doing yard work. The Easter Bunny lorded over Easter and I was always confused as to why Christmas Carols had nary a mention of Santa. Our childhoods were worlds different, even though only a few miles apart.
When we met, Husband was drawn to the fact that I was “different” than the girls that he knew from his private Christian school. And, for my part, I was drawn to the fact that he was honest and true. There weren’t games with him. I didn’t feel used or like somehow the joke was on me like I did with guys I knew from the past.
The same weekend I met my Husband I coincidentally really met God. It was like the quote from C.S. Lewis of his conversion, “When we set out I did not believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and when we reached the zoo I did.” I joke if we had met one week later, I would have been too “goody-goody” for my husband and he wouldn’t have stood a chance because I would have been too busy “dating Jesus”. Oh, man.
Well, a few years later found us still dating and attending the same Christian university. It was there that I heard the well-meaning lie that would color my views on sex for years to come.
A handsome preacher with a southern drawl was speaking to the student body during Chapel, his credentials and authority on sex being that he was a man and he was a “Man of God”. In an effort to combat the encroachment of culture and make sex seem so utterly and completely worth waiting for, Christians can unintentionally spin lies of their own.
His was, “Don’t bother packing anything for your honeymoon. You don’t need clothes. You just need a jumbo pack of Gatorade to stay healthy for all the amazing sex you’ll be having. You can get dehydrated you know.”
Having been dating my someday Husband for 3 years, I desperately wanted to believe that the sex we were waiting for would be the unicorn-like experience I had been promised.
And. Sex was good. Sex was intimate and bonding in all the ways I think Scripture intended. But, it wasn’t a sweat-drenched, strobe light, made for movies, all day marathon on the kitchen table I had been led to believe it would be by all the well meaning married Christians I knew. As I get further into marriage, I realize, that’s not bad.
However, it would have saved a lot of frustration if I wasn’t sold a false bill of goods by a well-meaning, Matthew Mcconaughey look-alike, southern preacher. I felt like something was wrong with our marriage because every night wasn’t fireworks, throbbing music, and banging headboard.
Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me:
*Slipping that ring on his finger doesn’t make you an instant sex-expert. Don’t get frustrated that he hasn’t become one either. Learn each other…you have a lifetime to figure it out. Sex doesn’t have to be amazing at first. Don’t let that get you discouraged. Stick with it. Stay open to your spouse.
*Don’t let bad habits form in the early days of your marriage. They can be difficult to break. Those habits don’t have to be “sinful” or awful, but things like not speaking up about what you like and not being emotionally present need to be dealt with and worked through, not ignored.
*Deal with the hangups you have about sex (and EVERYONE has some…) consistently as you go. Don’t stuff them down. They only amplify, they don’t go away.
*Be sexy. Discover what you think is sexy.
*Sex is a marathon…but not in the gatorade-at-every-turn kind. It is a marathon with changes of seasons, ebbs and flows, victories and challenges. It is beautiful, just like all of creation.
*It gets better and better, just like any great story.
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