Let’s Talk About Sex: Love Vs. Morals

I didn’t grow up in a home that practiced the Christian faith, apart from attending services on Easter and Christmas. That being said, I didn’t grow up without morals, but I grew up without knowing the love of God.

I saw my parents marriage fall apart as they left each other for other people and many times I was the child placed in the middle of their communication problems.

Within that time, I had my first serious relationship with a Christian boy who came from a strict Christian family. When we started having sex a few months into the relationship, I thought nothing of it in relation to my faith other than it was something I needed to repent for if I wanted to go to heaven.

I thought it was a natural part of any relationship when you loved the person you were with. Bringing in the emotions that come along with a sexual relationship at the age of 16 and 17 brought about a downward spiral to the relationship.

It brought in controlling, jealous, emotional abuse that I felt the only way could be stopped was through sex. This is where I developed the biggest misconception about pleasing someone with love. It became a crutch, a quick fix, a “if I give you all of me, it will be good enough to make you love me for who I am.” But it never was.

I was stuck in a period of time in my life where nothing I did for anyone was ever good enough. It slowly developed into self destructive behavior because it was the furthest cry for help I could find. Once I was finally able to step away from the relationship, I tried emotionally disconnecting myself from any sexual relationship that occured after that. I was still attending church every Sunday, accumulating more and more guilt everytime I went.

At that point, I told myself it was a physical need that I could be 100% emotionally detached from, yet the tears fell harder and I felt emptier. I got to the point where I asked God why? Why isn’t anything I do ever good enough?

And that’s when He showed me, slowly. He showed me how much He loved me. That I, and every daughter of God, is His lily among the thorns. That no matter how much I tried to make God dissatisfied with me, like the people in my life were, He wasn’t. He never stopped pursuing me, loving me, offering to hold me as I kept digging a deeper hole.

Ladies, He wants you just as you are and He wants ALL of you.

I am 24 now and finally dating again. I have found an awesome boyfriend who supports me even in my weaknesses and if that isn’t a Godsend, I don’t know what is. It can still be a daily challenge to understand God’s ultimate love for me, but I am seeing it more clearly everyday.

Once you understand God’s love for you, you can understand what a man’s love for you should be.

Like Max and Lauren’s “A Good Woman’s Guide to the 21st Century,” says- good men do exist, and they want good women. I hope any young girls struggling can believe and have enough faith to wait, and if not, I hope their experiences can be used to witness to others who want to hear it.

“Like a lily among the thorns is my darling among the young women” Song of Solomon 2:2 (NIV)

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” Song of Solomon 3:5 (NIV).

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