Being Single: What Do I Do With This Sex Drive?
Editor’s Note: Today, we’re asking a question we want YOU to answer, as originally asked by Kristin (@kristin_rea) on her blog Dirty Treasures. We know your sex drive doesn’t go away just because you’re single, so we all want to know – how are YOU handling it? Leave your answer for Kristin in the comments. – Lauren
It is everywhere: a unnaturally large chested, blonde girl is on a billboard next to the highway advertising a club; it’s something found in almost every movie or TV show in some capacity; attractive half-naked people are on ads for selling clothes. And naturally, sex is on our minds.
I grew up in a middle class conservative-minded home and a Southern Baptist church. I attended a fundamentalist Baptist school for twelve years. Sex was never a frequent topic.
The “s word” was never mentioned at school except in the context of adultery, and other perverted forms of sex that eventually ended up in punishment and eventual death. At church, it was talked about more, but only at True Love Waits weekend retreats, or, when sex was a big no-no. And sometimes around February when the pastor decided to do a series on Song of Solomon. At home, I wasn’t allowed to watch certain movies until I had reached a certain age. And, I was an only child so there was no one to bring “it” up around the dinner table except me, and that obviously wasn’t going to happen.
My mom took preteen me on a weekend trip where we listened to some tapes about sex. Later, I would realize that this was “the talk.” I had known for a long time boys had penises and I had some inclination about genital interaction, but still held on to the belief that babies were made by kissing. I was now informed.
Fast forward about ten years. I am now more informed about sex. I have gleaned what I know from movies, the news, conversations, etc. I am not going to claim to know a lot about sex, but for not having any, I know a lot about it.
My question is… What the hell do I do with this sex drive?!
The stereotype is that guys want sex more than girls. Well, I guess I haven’t been in a guy’s mind to know, but I’ll just say that I want sex, and I want it a lot. And no, it’s not just when I’m ovulating.
For some people this really isn’t an issue—just go get some! But for me, this is issue. I am virgin, and have the conviction to stay abstinent till he, whoever he is, “puts a ring on it.” But with this sex drive, I have had plenty of thoughts of abandoning this conviction.
What I’m trying to say is that I want to know how to have healthy sexuality when I am single and unmarried. I don’t want to know how to suppress it, but how to live within as a complete spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual being.
I’m not blaming others for my lack of knowledge, but I wish that those who I had looked to for mentorship when I was growing up would have shared not just the “when you’re married” or “sex is bad and here’s why” info, but they would have shared what lies in between the two extremes.
Other people are giving advice how to be “healthy”: condoms, masturbation, and oral sex “because it’s not really sex.” But what does the church say about healthy sexuality? How do I as a single young woman who is trying to follow Christ, do this?
Church, we need your educated and spiritual input. We need your mentorship.
I’m raising the issue, because I am naive. And that’s kinda my point.
Question: How are YOU handling your sex drive, if you are looking to wait until marriage? How do you view your sexuality, and what advice to you have to offer to Kristin?
Note From Good Women Project: Please note that GWP does not support or standby all opinions represented in the comments. We are merely seeking a place to hold open, honest conversations in the safe community of women we strive to develop here.
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