Being Single: Finding Goals, Purpose & Happiness.
Editor’s Note: If you’re single & reading this, I want strongly encourage you to do exactly what Laura did in her story today…make a list of goals to accomplish before you get married. If you want, share them in the comments below! We’d love to read them. You can find Laura Hill on Twitter at @laura_doom & on Facebook here! – Lauren
I was raised in a church and family that praised getting married young, and by the time I was 21 I was the oldest unmarried female in my family. I was constantly questioned about my singleness, and I always felt behind and inadequate.
I felt that I was not being useful as a single woman, and I felt that God would not properly use me until I was a wife and mother. It was all I had ever wanted, because it was all I was ever taught that I was truly good for. This is a lie.
In 1 Corinthians 7:34 Paul speaks on the blessing of singleness; “… a single woman is concerned about the Lord’s matters. She wants to serve the Lord with both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the matters of this world. She wants to know how she can please her husband.”
By no means am I speaking anything against marriage; simply that this verse speaks that there is purpose in every season. If we are constantly looking to change where we are, to find a husband, to start a family, then we are not reaping the full benefits of NOW. We are not properly utilizing the time we have, and we are not taking advantage of all the opportunities we have. And we SHOULD be!
I would have saved myself so much heartache if I had allowed myself to be purposefully single for the entire time that I have been single. Instead of wondering when my time was coming, or concerning myself with finding a boyfriend, I could have been allowing myself to be concerned with bettering myself, and my relationship with Jesus. I serve a purposeful, intentional God.
I spent three years in an abusive, manipulative relationship. If I had truly known myself and what to expect from a man, then I would have never been with him. It is when we are desperate that we settle. It was my impatience that caused me to go through the pain I did. There is always full healing and restoration for broken hearts, but we have to be aware of the things that happened to bring us to that place in order to protect ourselves in the future.
Impatience can be incredibly dangerous.
I’ve been single for years now, and though it gets lonely sometimes, I’ve learned that someone else cannot absolve loneliness. If I am lonely on my own, I will be lonely with someone else. It gets tough to wait because a relationship is something that I desire, but I know this season is just as purpose-full.
At first, I wasn’t happy – but what I’ve learned? That God is my comfort, my affection and my company. He loves in a completely genuine, unflawed way. He teaches me how to love like Him, and how to receive love that is real.
Yes, It’s hard to be single. I can’t just say to myself “Oh, I’m going to be happy being single now.” — and expect that to work. So, about a month and half ago I decided to make a list of all of the things that I want to achieve before I get married. I didn’t make it so I would have something to cross off and then know I could get married. I made the list so I would have things that I could focus on instead of worrying about focusing on a relationship.
Things I Want To Accomplish Before I Get Married
Get rid of at least one of my most distracting bad habits.
Read through the Bible at least once.
Write one last letter to my father, truly forgiving him.
Learn to play guitar proficiently.
Decorate my bedroom exactly how I want it, regardless of what anyone thinks, or how girly it is.
Learn to ride a bike.
Write an article on something and submit it somewhere online. It doesn’t matter if it ever does get published.
Paint something I’m actually proud of and would want to hang in a future home.
Perform in public, and accompany myself.
Learn what I really want in someone else.
Buy one expensive pair of shoes.
Get at least two more (visible) tattoos that I’m very proud of.
Write my mother a letter, thanking her for everything and letting her know exactly how much she means to me. The more unexpected the better.
Visit a big city that I’ve always wanted to see.
Go on a trip alone.
Have one day where I’m completely disconnected from technology…computers, phone, tv… anything.
These are things that I know will make me independently happy, that don’t take anyone else but myself, and that I know will make me proud to achieve. They are for me, and I’m the one that will get the benefit. Obviously by writing this I am achieving one of these goals, and I look forward to completing the rest.
Having goals that I know I am capable of achieving has allowed me to take charge of my singleness… to take pride in this season of my life. As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.”
This is my time of singleness..
Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
Follow Good Women Project on Twitter: @goodwomenproj
Be a fan on Facebook: facebook.com/goodwomenproject
Subscribe to our email newsletter for insider updates here or subscribe to the blog here. Or both.
Everyone on our team is volunteer, and we are funded 100% by you. If you'd like to donate, you can here.
We're also doing fun stuff on Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest!