They Do Exist.

Being Single: Rejection.

Editor’s Note: Today’s post is by Anna Norman, and quite honestly, I will never look at “rejection” the same again. Her understanding of rejection and grace is incredible. She is 30, got married at 29, and blogs regularly on singleness and what she learned while waiting at SoTrulyLovely. – Lauren

I recently saw a post on one of my girlfriend’s pages that said that the author of “The Help,” Kathryn Stockett, was rejected over 70 times with her book idea. Of course, many of us likely know where she is now and what happened with the book-turned-movie.

We all know what rejection means: it is the act of being denied, refused, thrown back, etc. What I find fascinating is what it means in the scientific realm.

Rejection for the body means: an immune response in which foreign tissue (as of a skingraft or transplanted organ) is attacked by immune system components (as antibodies, T cells, and macrophages) of the recipient organism.

Funny how it is “built” into us what we are not supposed to want/have unless it is especially made for us. For instance, in order for a transplant to work you must have matching MHCs (major histocompatibility complexes) as well as matching antibodies and blood type.

I call this “grace.” I firmly believe God knows what is best for us and will reward those who wait for Him. Even if we don’t want to, and are faced with rejection again and again.

I wasn’t a girl that was asked out a ton and I certainly experienced rejection. But looking back: I truly have the most beautiful life that I couldn’t have even dreamt of because of God’s grace.

What the world calls rejection, I call grace.

I want all of you to know that when you are rejected, look toward hope because I know God builds up walls around us to protect us and although sometimes it hurts at first, I promise you the reward will sweep you off your feet.

Rejection = Grace.


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17 Responses

  1. stephindialogue

    That's such a healing perspective, and thinking on it further, I can recall several times when rejection from other people literally was God's grace in protecting me from what I thought I wanted. He knew better than I, and it was grace to sever the relationship that would have been destructive if it had not been cut off.

    September 30, 2011 at 8:22 am

  2. As they say, Rejection is protection. The Lord protects our hearts: sometimes it looks like love and other times it feels like the end of the world!

    September 30, 2011 at 11:53 am

  3. This post was much needed today. This is something I have been struggling with a lot lately, so it's a great reminder that there is a reason for the rejection, and it means there is something more.

    Thank you.

    September 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm

  4. It's so true. I remember praying that God would open the eyes of a certain man so that he could see me. Of course the natural conclusion was that he would then fall madly in love with me. Many tears were cried when he asked out one of my best friends. A number of years later we met again, and all I could do was thank God for that rejection. My life with him wouldn't have been bad, but it most certainly would have been bland.

    September 30, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    • Amen! I had guys I pined after and looking back all I can say is "PRAISE GOD" because His ways are MUCH higher than ours (mine in particular). Our pastor says "good is the enemy of best." So glad you were protected!

      October 3, 2011 at 10:31 am

  5. LOVE this. Never thought about rejection that way.

    September 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm

  6. kelsey6791

    Hmmm, rejection leaves more opportunity to find what you really need. What is built for you. I like that concept. I'm sorry though, I disliked Kathryn Stockett's book and movie, but I'll let you pass for that :)

    September 30, 2011 at 1:13 pm

  7. Ruthie D.

    Amen sista! I love this insight. I never thought about rejection=grace before, but in my life it most certainly has. This guy I was "i love with and begged for God to allow him to pick me" (if I sound desperate…i was)–never chose me. He chose another girl with long brown hair and brown eyes. WHY NOT ME? And now, I am married to the man of my dreams–and see how God protected me from that relationship to give me His ultimate best. http://www.ruthiedean.com

    Amazing grace!

    September 30, 2011 at 1:14 pm

  8. I LOVE THIS!!!!

    September 30, 2011 at 4:12 pm

  9. Wow! What a great way of looking at this. Thank you for sharing!

    September 30, 2011 at 8:12 pm

  10. pinky3009

    wow just what i needed.. Am stil single and the times am rejected i start to feel really hopeless and hurt but now i know Gods only protecting me for a greater good..thanx for your post

    October 1, 2011 at 3:29 am

    • That is so awesome! Trust me-I have a husband to prove that God was just making sure I wasn't in situations where I would've said "yes" to something I should have said "no" to. My husband is the most Jesus like man I know all because God let me be "rejected" for my own good quite a few times :)

      October 3, 2011 at 10:29 am

  11. Wow, what a great site. This is my first visit. but I'll be back. I'm not single and I'm one of those "married" women who should probably sign up to be a mentor. I don't think I've found you by accident….

    Now, I'm off to find you on Twitter.

    October 2, 2011 at 11:04 pm

  12. Michelle

    Let me ask you this all you brainwashed women, for over 25 years I studied the Bible and believed that God was compassionate to those who are rejected, poor and sad. Tell me this, what scripture in the Bible gives man any kind of punishment for going out with another woman sleeping with her? none. It’s actually been legal from the beginning for men to have more than one wife – plus concubines- ( mistresses) .  The Creator God said men can have as many sex partners as they want but not so for the women-that equaled death. iIn Scripture men are superior to women and they act as such in the world today as much as then.  Religion is the ‘opiate of mankind’ and when I say of mankind I mean of mankind, not women. In all religions women are subservient and  inferior and under man. Tell me one religion where woman is equal as a human being to a man? The God of creation sanctions violence in islam and any kind of power over a woman in Christianity and Judaism  and she has to take it because the man is her master. I’m sorry, it took me a long time to open my eyes to this fact because it’s a harsh world, but I can no longer worships a God who hates women so much.

    August 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm

  13. gwp

    I'm sorry you seem so hurt and angry. I think you might be believing lies about life that are not included in scripture.

    Please prayerfully reconsider the following truths:
    God loves men and women equally.
    He made one woman (eve) for one man (Adam), and said his creation was good.
    Though he permitted/tolerated the kings (like Solomon) to have many wives (as was considered a cultural norm for royalty at the time), this was never part of his original plan or desire for his creation. This is confirmed in the New Testament when Elders/Deacons/etc. are required to be "a man of but one wife". God knows that marriage works best with only one man and one woman. Adding others to this mix only produces trouble.
    Solomon's example was not prescriptive of God's best for us, but an honest description of how Solomon chose to live. And this lifestyle that Solomon chose brought upon him his own destruction. He compromised his values to please his many wives, to appease their false gods, and His heart turned away from the one true God. His life of great wisdom and accomplishments ended with wrong beliefs and pithy sayings about the "meaninglessness" of life. It was really quite sad.

    God is all-knowing and deals with judgement and punishment in his own wisdom. He knows best how to extend grace and judgement, and none of us will escape this. Whether any man or woman receives the punishment we think they deserve (in our timing), only God knows their hearts/actions, and his ways are better than our ways. Let God be God, and let him be the judge. He is much more holy and wise than we know. He will judge each of us according to our deeds, and in his own timing.

    Here is a quote of yours:
    "In Scripture men are superior to women and they act as such in the world today as much as then."

    In scripture men and women are equal in value. Neither of them are superior or more valuable than the other.
    Both men and women (in the past as well as the present) have the ability to behave as if they think they are more superior to the other, but this is their own pride and sin that minimizes the opposite gender to elevate their own. God sees us both as equally sinful and in need of his grace.

    God made them male and female and called them good, until our sins brought fear, shame, judgement, and pain into the world.
    Although men and women are equal in value, God has designed us to compliment one another with different God-given roles/responsibilities.
    We have equal and differing strengths. Men are more protective and women are more nurturing. Both were made in the image of God. Both have value. Both are good. But they are very different strengths.

    When God gives a man "authority" over his wife, it is not a statement of superiority or higher value, but a high-calling to love, honor, protect, and provide for her health, growth, and well-being. His "authority" is similar to a sheriff's badge to watch over and protect his city/his bride. His job is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. He would die for her if need be. But he needs the full power, authority, and cooperation of his wife to fulfill this responsibility to her. This is the OPPOSITE of superiority! He is placing her needs above his own. He is lifting her up! He is esteeming and valuing her with his very life. He is using his God-given "authority" to serve, protect, provide, and love her as God does.

    There is a great dynamic combination in the world between AUTHORITY and RESPONSIBILITY. You can't separate the two!

    When you take away the sheriff's badge (his power and authority) he also loses his power and ability to fulfill his responsibilities. To expect any man to be responsible for your well being (to sacrifice or die for you) without allowing him to exercise his full power and capability (authority) to do his job well, is like tying his hands behind his back before a shoot-out. You are setting him up for failure. He needs his badge, both hands, and his gun if he is going to shoot the bad guy, do his job, and protect his city/bride.

    Both his authority and his responsibility are designed to serve her. When she fights his authority, she is unwittingly undermining his ability to protect and provide for her as God designed. A foolish woman tears her own house down.

    I won't pretend that this world is perfect or that all men live in the full potential of their callings/abilities, but I believe that there are MANY good men who want to become the men God has called them to be. These good men are looking for and praying for women who will ALLOW their husbands to exercise their full-authority of their husband roles / job descriptions / responsibilities. When women try to wear this "authority" badge themselves, never trusting God or their husbands to look out for their well-being, they are also taking away his power and ability to fulfill his responsibility to her. They are tying their husbands arms behind their backs and setting them up for failure.

    November 1, 2012 at 3:40 am

    • gwp

      Likewise, a wife ought to respect, honor, admire, and submit to her husband as the church does for Christ. A wise woman builds her house.

      When both husband and wife love, respect, and serve each other as a picture of the mutual relationship between Christ and the church, they not only glorify God in their marriage, but help each other to reach their full-potential.

      Just as a woman wants to be loved unconditionally, a man wants to be respected unconditionally.

      Ephesians 5:33 (AMP)
      33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [ that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]
      http://www.loveandrespect.com

      Another quote of yours:
      "I can no longer worship a God who hates women so much."
      Christ died for the church, and wants men to love women unconditionally. Men are not perfect, but God is, and God loves women. Otherwise, Christ would have died for nothing. But he willingly chose to die for you.
      I hope you would consider this love he has and desires for you. God is love. If you come near to him, He will come near to you.
      He wants to know and love you as you are. He wants you to ACCEPT the love he has for you.

      November 1, 2012 at 3:45 am

      • Michelle

        Thank you for the long very well thought out reply. I have since let God back in my life but my love for him has changed. What once was unconditional love and complete obedience to him and males, is now indifference. If he wants to be in my life fine, but I’m not following the way I did for 25 years. Most women don’t know this, but men have a secret life away from women and children. The truth is that I found a subculture that exists that probably (for centuries) has been hidden from women until its now been revealed since ‘knowledge has increased’ with the Internet. Truth is most men will cheat given the opportunity, but they will expect you to be loyal and monogomous. They feel as a man entitled and as a right to do these things. Most likely many of your men have already had sex with other women whether one night stands on a business trip or with prostiturs. All of them secretly indulge in porn. Ask them and they will deny this, look closer with tracking software on their phone or computer and will find the truth. Even the most holy of men have male secrets so part of me believes the letters of the nt have been written ‘to keep’ the women in line while they do their own thing. If you don’t believe me, which must of you holy women could not conceive your man not being like you, let me start by asking a question: how may of you women know that men have to ejaculate every 24 hours? Have to? Now want but have to like we have to go pee? I bet that’s a shocker for you – it’s a physiological fact! The older a man gets it may be a bit longer before reload. I’ve learned that men are like loaded guns sexually and they are always looking for places to unload.So, If they aren’t unloading in you daily or every other day, they’re getting it somewhere else, whether another woman or pornography. Look up the facts on pornography alone. 50 billion dollar industry- easy access and their not all kids watching. They rent it in hotel rooms or watch in Internet now. They hire escorts- look at the demographics of who does this- middle age married men. If your man takes a man trip, for say golf with his buddies, he’s on a sex trip. Rule #1 men don’t take trips together unless its a sex trip. Even the democratic and republican conventions hire women for the candidates that are driven around and supplied to them. I have a friend (male) who volunteered to help his party and he was assigned to ‘drive the girls around’ for the night. So, if you’re not invited to those business conventions, now you know why. It gets worse! There are proxy servers who will make a fake business convention for your husbands fully equipped with fake operator who will contact your husband while he’s with his mistress in the Caribbean who answers the fake hotel phone when the wife or girlfriend calls and calls him at vacation spot. There are proxy servers that have news sources that alert a man his other woman has either let a text or voicemail in it and for him to call it to get the message so that the wife can search the phone and will find nothing! There’s many married dating sites where 30% of the men in single dating sites are actually married. The most famous married dating site is called,”AshleyMadison.com” There are 7 million people on that site- mostly married men – single women notoriously look there for sugar daddies. It’s so hidden that even none of you women would believe me because its so far out of your holy thinking- but the sick truth is: men’s real fantasies are women’s greatest nightmares. Most of you won’t believe me, until one day, your almost 50 and your holy deacon husband isn’t as holy as you thought and you wasted most if your youthful years serving someone who was having sex elsewhere your while marriage without you knowing because you follow The Lord and are trusting – lol exactly what they want and need to pull it off. Then Kater in life, they boast if all the women they’ve had while you have been loyally been cooking, cleaning and wiping snotty noses while he’s been off giving your romance ti feed his own sexuality. Most women are too afraid to look, but open your eyes ladies… Before its too late- we’ve been out in bubble to stay quiet. They live their home bases while they go out and have a little fun, a little dessert and return comfortably home when their fine to be served by their loyal servant. Ah, what a life!!! For men…

        November 2, 2012 at 9:32 am

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