They Do Exist.

Being Single: Trying To Write A Love Story

Editor’s Note: I really wish I could have read all of these stories about being single when I was in high school and college. Today’s sweet post is by Jessica Echezabal. She tweets at @JessieEche. Are you trying to write your own story? Or are you letting it happen? Be encouraged & be confident that your love story is in His hands. – Lauren

I have never had a boyfriend. Officially.

Yeah, there have been some crushes that have turned out to be mutual but they didn’t go far. Not as far as everyone else’s relationships did.

As I look back I really believe God was the one that made them stop. He always made something happen right before things would go to the next level. I have stories to prove it. But I know he did it to protect me.

At that time I didn’t like it. I would get mad. I wished that God would allow a relationship to develop at least once. Even if it was only going to last a little while. I wanted to be the girl that would get balloons and a present brought to her at school by her boyfriend. I wanted to be the girl that would have a boyfriend to lie on the grass with. I want to be the girl that felt someone wanted her forever. Thank God He didn’t listen to me.

Because of these desires I did little things to showcase myself in front of any potential boyfriend. They were extremely subtle but my desire was blatant.

As time went by, God began to speak to my heart. He told me that if I let Him, He would provide a future husband for me. And I loved the idea. I began writing letters to this man, reading books on how to be a good help mate, and tried to do things like cooking and cleaning on my spare time so that I would “prepare myself” for marriage.

Then it happened. God asked the question. “Can you put this completely in my hands? I want to write your love story.” What was he talking about?! Of course it was in his hands! What was I doing wrong that he would ask that?

So I threw the question to the back of my mind and let it sit there.

It took some time, but I finally realized what he was talking about.

I was on my bed writing in the journal full of letters that I would one day give to my husband and it hit me. If I have put this area of my life completely in Gods hands why am I holding onto this journal as my source of security? Why am I spending so much time trying to prepare myself to be a wife when I don’t even know if it’s in God’s plan for my life? If it is God’s will that I want, why am I still acting upon my own will?

That night I didn’t finish my letter. I let it go. I felt it all slip out of my little hands and into the mighty hands of my Father.

I’m not writing those letters anymore. I’m not spending my time cooking and cleaning (I’m not saying those things are not important – but you know where I’m coming from). Instead I’m spending my time doing things I like to do. And I love every minute of it.

I am playing the guitar, going to concerts, leaving on trips with short notice, making my own schedule, hanging out with friends (a lot), investing time in my brother’s life, learning about my parents, living an adventure.

That last one is the most important to me. I’m living this adventure of seeking God and keeping my eyes only on him. He’s been showing me crazy things and taking me to places I never imagined I would go. I am completely fulfilled in him. I don’t need anyone else and I love that.

We are not independent beings. We were created to fill a hole in our heart. But what most people don’t understand is that it can’t be filled with a guy or girl. It is to be filled by God, our creator. When hole is filled, you will know it. It’s the most fulfilling thing out there.

So I already have my partner. I’m not saying I don’t want to get married.

That is one of my greatest desires.

But it doesn’t control me.

It’s not in my hands, it’s in His..

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54 Responses

  1. Kayla

    Oh my heart. I feel like you just literally wrote down my heart. Thank you so much for this, big time needed it tonight! Was about to write one of those letters and I think I'll be digging into the Word instead tonight. Thank you.

    September 29, 2011 at 1:23 am

  2. I'm going on 22 years of singleness- I'm 22, never a girlfriend. I feel like you wrote my story. There is so much peace trusting that God knows my heart and my desires and that he has a good plan for me: and so much happiness and excitement to do what I want to do and live my own adventure.

    September 29, 2011 at 2:35 am

  3. I love this, at the moment I'm 19 & in the same place. Great post, thank you!

    September 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm

  4. Amy

    I can relate to so much of this. I've had boyfriends, but only one was really serious and it ended badly. I see everyone else in their cute couples and I wanted to be that person, I wanted marriage. But eventually I let it go, and prayed to God for him to, as you said, "write my love story." And I got to the point where I loved being single and developing my relationship with God– and right this summer amazingly, miraculously someone comes in. And all of the prayer before and after told me this could only come from my heavenly father.

    But I came back home, and tried to take control again. Never stop putting it back into God's hands. Pray about it, it's okay to think about it but never try to take it back.

    I don't know what will happen, but it's been more than worth the "wait" so far.

    September 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

  5. One of the turning moments in my life was when a leader in my life pointed to the silver promise ring on my ring finger and asked what it would mean to me if marriage wasn't in God's plan for me. "I'm not trying to be mean," she said, "I'm just curious about what those kinds of rings mean."

    I stared at the ring and thought for a moment. "I guess it symbolizes more of a promise to God than a promise to man." I said, only realizing the answer as I spoke the words. "It means I promise to keep my heart for Christ until…or unless…he brings a man into my life to share it with." She nodded. I was 21, and that was 11 years ago. Her questions helped me into the direction of walk with Christ that sustains me.

    A second woman, 5 or 6 years later, asked me what my 5 year plan was. What were my values? where did I picture myself in 5 years? what needed to change?

    I paused, smiled, and she stopped me, knowing what was in my mind: "And you're not allowed to say married with children. Marriage is not an inherent promise for everyone." Much as the words struck dismay, fear, and anger into my heart, I have been blessed in later years by her straightforwardness.

    Your blog post reminds me of those women. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    September 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm

  6. a_girl

    It’s my 23rd birthday today, and even though I had a little glimpse of what it means to be “the” girlfriend, I’ve been struggling with the same things as you just mentioned. Thank you for writing it down, and reminding me where I’m headed. First and foremost not into a marriage (even if I do desire that too) , but to Heaven to spend eternity with my Abba.

    September 29, 2011 at 3:36 pm

  7. carole

    thank you for this. i echo these other women: you wrote my story.

    i also read all of the books, wrote the letters, and have realized that while those things are not bad they were distracting me from my true love. I was taking control of my future and how i was shaping myself…I was preparing myself to be a wife…when we're not even promised tomorrow.

    I'm 24. never had a boyfriend. I've been on one date. Never kissed a boy. Never held hands with a boy….and while marriage is still a very deep desire, I desire something higher. something greater and that's my King. and anything that comes my way i know that if i rest in His hands and His will daily then…well that's what i need.

    he's blessed me beyond my belief and given me the desires of my heart in many different ways than I'd thought he would've at this time in my life. I want a family and a ministry i can pour myself into…and God reminds me daily that he's given me a family of friends and a ministry at my church that has encouraged and challenged me. I'm right where i need to be.

    i know that He is good. and What he is doing and has done is good.

    thank you all for sharing. it encourages me. this is the body and community of Christ right here. this is building one another up and God rejoices in this. This gives him so much glory!

    September 29, 2011 at 4:26 pm

  8. This definitely resonates with me. The older I get, the more I focus on living the adventure and making sure that my life is telling a good story. Not letting our desires control us…that's something we all need to learn no matter what it's about. Thank you for sharing!

    September 29, 2011 at 6:43 pm

  9. Ruby Silva

    I love you Jess. Love seeing God use you for His glory. Xoxo

    September 29, 2011 at 11:53 pm

  10. Elyse

    I turn 25 next month and am in the same boat :) The desire is *certainly* there, but the God-given ability to rest in His timing and focus on what He is shaping me to be is so much better than trying to fit myself into "See?!-I'll-make-a-good-wife" role. I appreciate you sharing your story and encouraging us along the way!!

    September 30, 2011 at 12:30 pm

  11. Victoria

    I’m 16 and I thought I was the only one who wrote those letters. I write them as a way to keep in touch with my future best friend and to give him insight on my life before I meet him. I love God so much and I would never want to take my focus off of Him, should I stop writing these letters? :$
    I’m not even thinking about marriage for a long time but they help me to feel like there is something to look forward to when most of the girls my age are hooking up with random guys at parties and I’m feeling left out.
    I know that no man will ever fulfill my longing for love in my heart, only God will.

    Ps I just wanted to thank the author for writing this and the lovely ladies that commented. I’m an only child and you sound like awesome big sisters giving me advice! Thank you all for sharing your stories you are truly inspirational! :)

    October 3, 2011 at 8:52 pm

  12. Yes. To all of this, yes. Thank you for speaking for those of us who find ourselves in similar situations: wanting the hand to hold or the boy to snuggle with, even more desperately because we've never had it. And to @carole, I love what you said about recognizing the many other ways that He has fulfilled the desires of our hearts — there's so much more there for Him to do than giving us "a man," so to speak, and I need to be reminded of this daily.

    Blessings to you all

    October 7, 2011 at 10:53 am

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  14. Meg

    Yesterday was my ex-boyfriend's birthday, the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with until I realized I'd been deceived about his faith in God, he had none. It was a terrible day, the day I had to say goodbye to this man I loved so much. But the days to follow when he continually tried contacting me, one day telling me he loved me & the next saying words I couldn't imagine telling my worst enemy. It broke my heart each time he would try to "change my mind about religion" & explain to me how "silly" it was. I prayed to God for him to find happiness again, so he wouldn't think of me as "the only thing worth living for" & that he would have a better life, to make him successful in work & to find another woman that loved him like I did. I found out recently he got a new job…and a couple months later, was in a relationship & I'm happy for him! However, yesterday on his birthday…I felt alone, I felt abandoned & upset. I prayed to God to take these feelings away from me & desperately tried to make myself feel in my heart that "God alone is ENOUGH for me".

    I went to church today & the sermon was on loneliness, different types, but my type of young, single, adult wanting marriage was in there. I'm so thankful for my prayers being answered, both for my ex-boyfriend and my prayers last night! I'm not going to pretend that all my thoughts of wanting a relationship have been removed…however, I realized that I was putting so much effort into finding a relationship, creating one from my own will…that it was more a priority than God. This blog post has really helped me see that I'm not the only person going through these struggles & as terrible as it sounds, I'm so thankful for that! That hole, it CANNOT be filled by the love of another human being but only by the Lord…and I need to stop thinking that, "if only…," then I would be whole!! It is through Christ that I am whole & everything else is just an earthly bonus, IF it is God's will for me! So, sorry this reply was so long…but thank you for this post!

    December 11, 2011 at 8:56 pm

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  16. Melissa

    This is a great perspective to have. I am 22, only had one short term boyfriend. I find it hard to maintain a positive perspective of singleness when friends and family are constantly trying to set you up with different people… my response is always "I am single, a virgin, and I am NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT." Maybe I am trying to ignore it a little bit, but I am also trying to let God's plan for my life happen- by not dwelling on something I can't really change. Plus, there is a simple truth when it comes to dating; if the guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen, he will contact you, he will talk to you, he will push. It's pointless for us women to throw ourselves at guys who aren't actually worth our time and don't care about our hearts…. someone who is careless is never going to end up our "soulmate".

    July 16, 2013 at 11:17 pm

  17. Daniela

    I will be 26 this Friday and I have to say I was feeling inadequate because I have never been in an actual relationship, like you said yes there have been crushes and a lot of "almosts" but none that went into relationship territory. At first I thought it was because I'd always choose guys that just wanted sexual relationships and that's not me, or I'd go for guys that felt too "out of my league" and would just see me as a friend. Now that entering my 26th year of single-dom I've suddenly realized that I am not in control and I'll never be in control, all I have to do is let go and let things happen the way that God wants them to happen. Of course it'll be hard because there are not to many "26 year old single, virgin girls" but I don't want to classify myself because that doesn't define me anymore. I'm me, the girl that God created and if He had enough love to create me than I should have the trust in Him to know when it's the right time to be in a relationship.

    October 14, 2013 at 2:10 pm

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