When The Man You Thought You’d Marry Breaks Up With You
Editor’s Note: Kimberly shares her story on going through a breakup with the man she thought she would marry. A story that so many of us have experienced, including myself. You will make it out alive. She blogs at Bloom Of Hope and tweets at @__youareloved__. – Lauren
Last year, the guy I thought I would marry broke up with me.
Flash back to two years prior – life was busy but good. I met an amazing guy. He listened, loved Jesus, and made me laugh. He became my best friend.
Eight months later we were dating. A few more months and I was in love. He wasn’t like the other guys I had dated. I felt genuinely accepted, loved, and adored. After being in several bad relationships, I was hesitant, but eventually I let my guard down and trusted him completely. “This is what a real relationship looks like,” I would tell myself. “This is the man I’m going to marry.”
Then, after a year and a half, everything changed. He wanted out, he was done, there were things about us he didn’t like. I told him I loved him, that I wanted to work at it, fight for it. But that wasn’t something he desired anymore. I wasn’t something he desired anymore.
So there I was with a heart full of love and arms empty. Totally rejected. To put it gently, I was disoriented and very, very confused. To put it bluntly, I was a wreck.
For a while, I tried to rationalize his decision and have some control over what had occurred. My thoughts constantly churned in my head as I tried to come to some sort of resolution. This was exhausting and pointless. I eventually had to accept the fact that I’d never fully understand what happened and why. And that’s when the true ache set in.
A pain I could not control crashed over me, knocking me down and leaving me completely paralyzed with heartbreak. “What is the matter with me?” I cried out to God. And not the cutesy one tear, makeup-is-still-in-tact, movie-star kind of cry. I’m talking about the ugly kind. Red cheeks, tear stained face, the whole bit.
The man who I totally trusted, who knew me better than most, decided I wasn’t worth it anymore. So doesn’t that say that I’m worthless? His actions made me feel as though I was nothing, that I had no value. That is the underlying message when someone leaves us, when someone hurts us. If we were valuable enough to them, they wouldn’t have walked away in the first place.
This kind of pain shapes and scars us. We start to believe that our pain was deserved and that those who wronged us did so because they knew. They knew who we really were. And we start to believe it: that we deserve to be left, to be hurt, to be alone. But that is a vicious, seething lie that we must not believe.
In my times with God, I’ve realized that I’m worth much, much more than the pain I’ve experienced. The person that hurt you didn’t treat you with the love, respect, and dignity that you deserve. You are loved beyond measure and God’s heart breaks when yours does. He has taught me that the abandonment I experienced had nothing to do with my value as a person. NOTHING.
I am God’s child. His heir. His princess. His beloved. His creation. And so are you.
Your circumstances and your past do not reflect your value. But Jesus does. Jesus died for you, suffered for you, laid down his life for you. Because you’re that valuable.
Because he adores you and delights in you.
Because he wants to keep you safe and protect you from harm.
Because he loves you more than you can even fathom.
I don’t want the men who have hurt me in my life to speak for my value anymore.
If I let any man speak for my value with his actions – I’ll let it be Jesus.
This gives you and me great freedom. We no longer have to hold onto bitterness and anger towards those who have hurt us because their actions don’t reflect anything about our hearts, bodies, minds, and souls. In the midst of our healing, join me in remembering what Jesus has done and what it says about you.
Your value is secure. Even when your heart is breaking, even when you are hurt beyond measure, even when you feel small and sad – your value is spoken for. Irrevocably.
You are loved, admired, adored, and taken care of. Forever. The pressure is off. Because you will always be enough to the man that means the most.
Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
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