A Word From The Editor About Our Testimonies: I started Good Women Project because I needed a place. A place to share my story. A place to start over. A place to begin a conversation that I couldn’t figure out where else or how else to begin it. I was 23 and single. 23 and broken. 23 and recovering. 23 and no longer a virgin. 23 and wanting to become something that I couldn’t get a grasp on.
I knew I was done dating for the hell of it. I wanted to try to date intentionally. I wasn’t interested in kissing dating goodbye and I wasn’t interested in courting. I was interested in learning to become the sort of woman who could love and be loved, respect and be respected. I wanted to hear success stories, not failures – of marriages and relationships that I could relate to. Real women who made mistakes and instead of putting on the mask of denial, perfection, or suffocating righteousness in the name of Christianity – took off their masks of fear, of shame, of brokenness, of abandonment, of addiction, of rape, of molestation, of self hatred, of loss, of confusion, of “good girl”, of “bad girl, and dug deep into living as Christ created them to be: made in the image of God to live in radical freedom with the ability to live out wildly the passions and desires that thrive in the depths of their heart.
I believe that there is a battle being waged against every woman’s heart. I know it because I see it in my past, in our culture, in our churches, in the hundreds of emails I’ve received from girls all around the world. All desperate for someone to tell them that they are worth it, that it’s okay, and that Jesus never blamed them for any of it. All desperate for someone to stand next to them while they muster up the strength to not settle for a man who halves them but doubles them.
This is why Good Women Project must exist. This is why we were born, and why it must remain.
I needed to hear a story. I need to know I was going to be okay. I needed to tell another woman where I was at – without being judged, pitied or you-need-to-be-a-better-Christian’ed. I needed to hear that I was not the only victim of myself and of others, and that it was possible for me to wake up one day to a life I wanted to live.
Below, we have begun compiling the voices of women who have found Good Women Project, and by the absolute grace and power of Jesus, found a place to hear a story. To share a story. Thank you for listening.
“I’ve read so many books, articles and blogs that I thought I would find helpful as a Christian woman, but all of them have left me feeling inferior to men, and like my life’s purpose is just to accept my place as second class within the Church. My university Christian Union taught that a woman’s role is to submit to the men around her because he will know best, because he has submitted to God. I was made to feel that God sees me as less strong, less capable of leadership, less inventive…basically just less able because I am a woman. A fellow (male) member told me early on that my ambition to be president of the Christian Union would never be realised because “women were better suited to deputy roles”. At my protest, he replied “you wanting to be president is just you seeking power. boys are always the president of CU”. I never went back and spent the next 3 years without a church or Christian fellowship.
When I was younger, my father left us for a close family friend, and overnight my mother was thrown into leading our family and taking on both the male and female roles in our household, as well as dealing with her own heartbreak. She became an incredible woman who I had immense respect for. She made me believe that being a woman meant nothing less than being a man; that women were just as capable; that God had made us all individually and hadn’t held back on creating me just because he was making me a girl instead of a boy. She took on the role that many of my friends’ fathers took, friends who find it difficult to understand why I struggle so intensely with gender-inequality, and who find it un-Christian of me to think that men shouldn’t default over women.
I discovered Good Women Project about 2 weeks ago and I can’t get enough. It is SO AMAZING to find a Christian website that says it’s GOOD to be a woman, and not just because it’s great to be peaceful and quiet and reflective, but that makes me feel EXCITED about being a woman, that makes me feel like I am JUST as good as any man in my life and that it is not unreasonable to expect to be an equal in my marriage. It is wonderful to find articles that don’t make me feel like all I have to do is submit to my boyfriend and he can make all of our decisions for us, while I defer to him and sit quietly by.
You are all incredible, I’m praying so much for the website, and thank God so much that you exist to help so many women, without making them feel inferior.
I told my friend about Good Women Project straight away and she keeps messaging me saying which articles she just read and how the most recent one summed up everything she’s been feeling recently.
Thank you so so much, keep being amazing.”
– Chloe, 23, England
“I found the Good Women Project this weekend and have not been able to stop reading it. Thank you so much for your courage talking about porn and sex so openly, it can’t be easy. I know you are often criticized for your beliefs. When I read [your post about modesty] I cried for you. Because I know what it is like to have women tell you that you are the problem. I remember being 14 and being told you could be raped based on what you wore. Too many women believe the lie that they are the problem. That just being a women can cause men to sin. Not enough women are rejecting that lie. Thank you so much for your honesty. You have changed my life and helped me believe that good men are out there, and that I can be a good woman.”
– Andie S., 19, Florida
“I have been incredibly blessed by Good Women Project in the short time since I randomly discovered the community. Every post speaks to my heart and meets my inmost cry for pure, raw, gutsy honesty about the hard things in life, especially in regards to being a young Christian woman. Having lived a life full of pain and secrecy, it is truly a relief to be able to not only talk about things like abuse, porn, self-image and the rough patches of life, but to read the daily encouragement from women and men who are living through it too. I really appreciate the safety and honesty of the writers and the readers!”
“I stumbled on the Good Women Project when I typed in “What is a good woman?” on Google, looking for the definition of a ‘good woman.’
I grew up in an environment where I was expected to do certain things at certain times without questioning why I did them. My relationship with God was not immune to this way of thinking, as I struggled to really see God as my father for the longest time.
With all this [guys picking other girls over me], I slowly and surely began to believe in the lie that ‘there must be something wrong with me’ and, along with this, came the most painful lie that ‘I was not beautiful enough’.
I lived my life believing that I would not amount to much, learning to ‘like’ every guy who ever showed interest in me even though I didn’t necessarily think they were cute. The thought ‘at least _____ likes me’ characterized my thinking for so long that I ended up doing what I didn’t want for the sake of the attention.
It has been a year since God got my attention, and I learned that He calls me beautiful, a lovely feeling when a father does that as described in Psalms 139:14 (It had been a very long time since I looked in the mirror and saw myself as beautiful), choosing to focus on my weaknesses.
Good Women Project continues to teach us women that it is ok to be different, celebrating what our father in heaven has taught us all along. I have finally walked away from the hunger for attention (especially from married men), alcohol and crazy expectations from my family towards the destiny that my ‘daddy’ in heaven has for me. This is just a note to say thank you and may the Lord bless you always.”
Catherine Kabinga, 26, Kenya
“Dear Good Women,
I am writing to thank you.
I am the mother of a beautiful, flawed, grace-learning, 18 year old daughter who just recently experienced her very first broken heart after dating the boy she loves. She is sad, lonely, misses him, wants him back. In addition to that, God has seen fit to put her through some other very difficult things just in the past couple weeks. I see the Refiner’s Fire at work in her life and it is beautiful. But boy does it suck.
I am a prodigal, wounded, deeply flawed but clinging to grace every day woman. As I help my girl navigate these times and we talk about what it means to truly delight in Him and to intentionally live with your hands open I am truly thankful for the Good Women Project website. The stories, the words, the encouragement are so healing. Thank you for being real. Thank you for being raw. As my daughter allows the angry clouds to part and to see, really see, it is your stories she needs. Not the pat-you-on-the-head devotionals, not the “pray more and you’ll be fine” crap the church can sometimes so quickly dispense.
Know that God is using you in her life and in our home to bring encouragement, blessing, healing and hope in the midst of pain.”
Lisa G., Pennsylvania