Pornography: It’s Not About Me

Editor’s Note: 87% of men watched porn in this past year, and today’s post is written by a woman who loved one of them. Pornography affects relationships, our sex drive, and our heart’s capacity to give and accept love. Lauren Sykes blogs at laurensykes.com and tweets at @laurenesykes. – Lauren.

In an instant I became a statistic. A statistic I had never wanted or imagined I would be included in. I was betrothed to one of the seventy-five percent. Something I had never viewed, still or moving, was now radically shaking the very foundations of my life.

Porn.

A now culturally acceptable ‘pastime’ was the poison killing my perceived happily ever after. I sat in stunned silence as the confession escaped his lips. Doing what sin does best… steal, kill, and destroy.

Intimacy stolen.

Connection killed.

Us destroyed.

With those four letters, understanding dawned as sin was illuminated. And as the spotlight shone into the depths of the shadows of my heart, I was left with insecurities exposed and arms empty. Seeds of insecurity planted and hidden for a lifetime. So deep in the depths of my sin-ridden heart I didn’t even realize they existed. The seed began to grow, roots running deep.

Not pretty enough.

Not sexy enough.

Not satisfying enough.

Knowing I would never be able to compete with the computer screen or still airbrushed images. Because porn re-educates the mind. Tricks it into believing connection isn’t required for intimacy. That the high of the climax can come with no strings attached. No journeys along roads less traveled where conflict is painstakingly worked through. Pain that heals isn’t required to click a mouse.

Porn caters to the ultimate selfishness. It gives what you want, when you want, and how you want it… no strings attached. Minimal effort required.

It is the antithesis of God-designed relationship. Where love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

True love is grounded in connection, not a moment of orgasmic bliss. And while porn seems to meet the God-given need in the moment, it’s a counterfeit of the ugliest kind. Because connected, committed love is the one of the most beautiful gifts God’s given this side of heaven.

That counterfeit shattered my life. It radically altered the course of my story. And while it has shattered and revealed broken within, He is making beautiful things. Healing insecurities. Creating stained glass with the broken pieces of me. Ever reminding me who I am. More often than not, remembering the truth is a battle. One I face almost daily, as the broken edges threaten to pierce.

The man I loved chose porn.

It wasn’t about me.

I am enough because He is enough.

Are you one of the thousands {dare I say millions} of women living in the shadows of porn?

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