When Your Brother Is Gay
Editor’s Note: I have a favor to ask. As you read this, read it out loud. Resist the urge to skim, and slow your mind and your heart to the speed of the words as they were written to be heard. Today’s post is Anonymous, but if you would like to be put in touch with her, you may email me at lauren[at]goodwomenproject.com. – Lauren
When my brother told me he was gay, I started to cry. I could not locate the origin of those tears in the moment. They just spilled over my eyelids before I could catch them. In retrospect, I understand. Those tears were the realization that my family was no longer the way it used to be. They were the realization that the old had past, and that we were being ushered into a new epoch.
Ironically, the first words to come out of my mouth were, “It doesn’t change anything.” Of course it changed something, and yet, it changed nothing. My brother is no different than the man he was two months ago. He is still the kindest, most loving, generous man I know. There are no more secrets. Granted, I knew him well before. But now, I truly know him.
I know every part of his identity, and am therefore able to love him more fully.
I have a confession to make: I do not know what God thinks about same-sex attraction. I have studied, read, and prayed, and still each side’s case seems solid. Maybe one day God will impart some answers to my questions. Are individuals born gay? Is marriage reserved for a man and a woman? Is sexual orientation socially constructed? What does it mean to be attracted to men or women?
I have a second confession to make: I don’t really care anymore.
After one long afternoon of reading numerous books on sexual orientation and Christianity, I turned on the news and saw the story of a young lesbian in Texas who was shot to death.
And suddenly all of those questions became very small, and a whole new set of questions began to freely dance in my mind and become very big: why is my brother the target of hate groups? Why do complete strangers want him dead? Why doesn’t he feel the freedom to share his sexual orientation with his small group? Why is he scared of telling my parents?
These are the questions that matter. These are the questions I want answers to.
God took the training wheels off my heart and said, “Go”. Go fight for them, go to the pride parades, go to the LGBT support groups on campus, go hear their stories. Leave the judgment up to Me. I realized that if I truly love my brother as much as I claim, that love must extend itself to the gay community. I don’t get to put fences around agape. I don’t get to live in the suburbs of God’s love for humanity. And so I took the midnight train, and I went. I urge you to go as well, do not be afraid.
These are our brothers and sisters, and just like us, they get to come to God just as they are.
The Earth swells with living water, and bottomless wells spring up. Come you who are thirsty, come. Do not suppress love.
Final Note: Comments discussing whether or not homosexuality is ‘right or wrong’ or ‘sinful’ will be heavily moderated for the safety of girls in our community. Comments are encouraged and welcomed, but NOT to discuss right vs wrong and TO discuss love, true friendship, and grace. Thank you for understanding.
Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
Follow Good Women Project on Twitter: @goodwomenproj
Be a fan on Facebook: facebook.com/goodwomenproject
Subscribe to our email newsletter for insider updates here or subscribe to the blog here. Or both.
Everyone on our team is volunteer, and we are funded 100% by you. If you'd like to donate, you can here.
We're also doing fun stuff on Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest!