Dear Sister: An Apology From An Adulterer At Heart
Editor’s Note: These letters from men are continuing to re-break my heart and re-heal it simultaneously. Thank you, men, for rebuilding our faith in you. And for rebuilding our trust in the promise that “God forms the hearts of all men.” Today’s post is by Eric Novak. He blogs at ericnovak.com – Lauren
Letters shouldn’t always contain, “I’m sorry.” They shouldn’t always be an apology, shouldn’t always seek forgiveness.
There is a time to write letters with words of life, letters containing advice, letters bringing fourth congratulations, and letters filled with sympathy. I wish I had the time and place to write more of them to you because there is so much I want to say. However, today, this letter does contain, “I’m sorry.” I just wish it could be hand-written with my name signed on the bottom and handed to you. Maybe that tangibility would show you how deeply this letter is felt. After all, it’s one that I live.
I wouldn’t have always called you my sister, because we didn’t always have the same Dad. Your Father spoke and out of His mouth came light, color, and beauty. My dad spoke and created the centerfold. While your Father created roaring oceans and set boundaries for those same waters, my dad showed me how to surf the Internet for the perfect girl. While your Father was whipped, His back bleeding and torn down to the bone, He was slammed to the ground, nailed to a tree, and hoisted into the air naked while your Father died of a broken heart. My dad fed my lust through the senses that God gave me and told me to eat until I was filled: “It doesn’t hurt anyone, son!”
Your Father is pretty amazing. He picked you up off the streets, adopted you, bought you with a price, and called you His dearly beloved daughter. I can’t say you deserved it; none of us did. In the very act of dying, He took your sin upon His shoulders – God saving you from God, God saving you from yourself, God grafting you into His family. I’d like to say that we had a more active role in getting picked, but the strangest thing happened, Sister. He did the same thing for me. He adopted me even while I hated Him and changed my heart.
Sister, I’m sorry for objectifying you. If you knew how our Father has applied the Holy Spirit to my heart in an active work of transforming and conforming (something still happening), you’d understand just how painful the very idea of porn is to me now. When God created sex, He created it as a pure and holy sacrifice between a man and woman, consummated in marriage for His glory. He created it to draw a husband and wife together with an intimate knowledge of each other, creating a lasting bond and worshiping Him in the holy act. How far have we fallen from His plan, that we find a pagan priest offering the sacrifice of a woman’s body to the idol of sexuality and then we worship that image as well?
Sister, don’t believe the lie that all guys are stuck on porn or that you’ve got to look or act like a porn star to get one of us. Don’t think that there aren’t some of us who struggle against it, some who have had their minds changed by Jesus. Know that we are out here: men who fight against porn, men who want to have a standard for Jesus our Lord and you. There are men who say, “I’ve made a convenent with my eyes.” There are men who look away.
In closing, I want to thank you for the pain that you’ve endured from our actions. Thank you for praying for us, not catering to our sinful desires and upholding a standard of purity. Know that Christ is faithful to forgive us even as we stumble. Know that the cross is big enough to receive all uncleanliness. Know that we are great sinners, but Christ is a great savior.
Know that you are loved.
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