They Do Exist.

Debunking The “Only Men Are Visual” Myth

Editor’s Note: I’ve spoken with so many women who ask, “What is wrong with me??” right after admitting their pull towards sex or the male (or female) form. As if only men were the ones allowed to desire the sensual or beautiful. I can assuredly tell you that nothing is wrong with you. And I’m so grateful for Kait Wright and her words today. Kait blogs at a – Lauren

Sometimes I can’t stand ‘Relationship’ books. I want to use the author’s own creation to beat the tar out of them yelling, “You don’t know me!” in some ghetto slang that’s hood-worthy.

This is the curse I suppose, of being an abnormal woman in the marital world. You see, most material suggests that men are image driven while women are emotional. But in my case?

My husband can wash all the dishes we own, tell me how great I look, and save a baby from a runaway train, but it still won’t have the effect I experience while watching him change the oil in our car shirtless.

According to these books, I’m a cold-hearted mutant. Apparently the male physique in all of its glory isn’t supposed to impact my hormones as a romantic dinner should.

The interesting part of my theoretical alienation from the female masses is that I have a sneaking suspicion I’m not alone. And that is not a reference to a few closet ‘horndogs’ out there.

Photo by Branden Harvey / / Design by Lauren Dubinsky

I’m suggesting that we’ve been playing along in this mystical fairyland where women are all but immune to visual aids. And the majority of Christians have adopted it.

Well, fancy that… because I just found proof that they are wrong.

“Magic Mike”, an explosive Testosterone-Fest of a film, was released this past month. In a nutshell, there are men sculpted like Greek gods ‘shakin’ their groove thang’ every which way imaginable, all for the sake of a strip club’s female patrons’ delight. It made 40 million in three days.

Oh yeah, we don’t get off on the male body at all.

I don’t think that sipping a large Pepsi or popping M&M’s disguises it well either.

In a practical sense, “So what? We are women, right? We aren’t like men, it’s not the same. It’s not supposed to be.”


You can’t split humanity down the middle and make generalized statements based purely on which side you fall on. We can be exactly like men.

The worst part is that we don’t have the integrity to be honest about it. Hollywood doesn’t need our admission to confirm what they already know. Producers are making billions off of our denial as we speak.

I don’t know where leaders in our communities got the notion that us chicks aren’t affected by similar things that so obviously haunt men, but I must say – it was an irresponsible assumption. Yes, we are complex creatures, and to varying degrees are influenced by kindness and loving tendencies when it comes their promotion of our libido. But to turn a blind eye to an unacknowledged ingredient in our wiring is beyond just unwise. In fact, it’s doing criminal-level damage.

When we choose to silently pretend immunity to the consequences of visual stimulation, we literally rob ourselves of two co-existing truths:

We can be equally stirred by physicality. And secondly: We are just as susceptible to lust as men are.

The importance on the first truth is so elementary, it baffles me how oblivious some are to the female psyche. When we live in denial as to how we are motivated sexually, we are not only lying to ourselves, but to our mates. How can my husband speak to all of my facets, if he isn’t even aware of them? Especially if he was raised in an environment where this reality has been continually neglected.

No wonder most men don’t go to the gym after 30. Why would they, when they think their wives only get off on a nice card, flowers, and a lobster dinner? Those things are really appreciated, of course. I’m just speculating that it’s irrefutably unfair to passively allow our partners to believe that visual qualities have minimal weight, while we’re secretly seeing ‘Magic Mike’ with our girlfriends for a Ladies Night Out, or watching the trailer five times in a row.

We are stealing a potentially powerful element from our marriages, and sharing it freely with blockbuster.

Worse actually, because we are paying ten dollars for it while our husbands sit at home, clueless to the lure of Channing Tatum’s man thong. (So I’ve heard, at least.)

The second truth, which carries immeasurably more significance in our lives, is the one I am more concerned with. If we opt to feign irrelevance to the fact that women are prone to physically-triggered lust, remaining ignorant of the likely consequences that come with it, we are robbing ourselves of the capability to act against those consequences. A soldier can’t fight against something he doesn’t acknowledge, and neither can we.

What gets me so riled up is that many authors completely ignore the countless testimonies of our own susceptibility. The Bible refers to a woman’s lust plenty of times. In fact, God uses a lustful woman the majority of the time in analogies of Israel’s unfaithfulness. It’s not a “wayward husband looking at ‘nudey pics’” that God painted, it was a woman as in Jeremiah 2:24:

“You are like a wild donkey,

sniffing the wind at mating time.

Who can restrain her lust?

Those who desire her don’t need to search,

for she goes running to them!”

I don’t think that the women in these analogies were panting after men for their kind words, or because they liked roses. Bare feminine lust is just as a powerful propeller for women as it is for men.

I love when the Bible proves the modern world wrong, and that it’s relevant in our culture. The last time we went to see a movie, my husband and I walked past a line of women waiting to catch their glimpse of Mathew McConaughey’s booty. And ironically, they embodied the point Jeremiah made at the end of this verse. They stood in the middle of the theater like a jittery, sex-craved pack of hyenas in the middle of heat.

The point, my lovely hyenas, isn’t that our animal-like response to ‘studly’ men is inherently wrong. The point is that if we don’t accept that side of ourselves, then how will we prevent Satan from coming and tainting it for his own agenda?

The longer we separate femininity from the mental wanderings of men to the extent of denial, the more time he has to use our secret like a pin cushion. Stabbing it with shameful pins until we have no choice but to bury it, or simply give it away. Until we come to terms with the ‘caged animal’, we won’t be willing to accept Christ’s forgiveness, His guidance, His understanding, or His liberty.

The worst kind of bondage is one where the captive cannot admit it exists, and therefore cannot be freed.

I don’t think there’s anything special about ‘Mike’ at all. I think that there is something special about you. A hidden chemical makeup both powerful, yet just as sensitive to the images our culture wishes to drown it in. I’m suggesting, or rather urging, that we buck up and acknowledge the truth. We can be the wild hyena, but keeping her on a leash for our spouse is a choice that requires boundaries. That way, when we let her run free, there is no shame. Only shared opportunity to be the complex, wonderfully intoxicating beings God created us to be.

52 Responses

  1. I will speak for the Wednesday Nooner gals and just say…Absofrickinglutely.

    August 15, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    • Right? I head y'all talk about Magic Mike. Bahaha.

      August 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

      • HEARD. I HEARD y'all. My bad.

        August 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

  2. Sarah


    August 15, 2012 at 7:48 pm

  3. midori

    i couldn’t agree more. in fact, i think my husband is surprised sometimes by the times i can’t take my eyes off him or just stare admiringly/longingly at him. but honestly, this is why gender stereotypes bother me. i had to unlearn so many things when i got married: men want sex all the time. men prefer sex with the lights on. sex is a burden for girls. guess what? sometimes i want sex and he doesn’t. sometimes i want the lights on because he turns me on so much! and these are all things I never read from any of our books on sex. so…there’s that.

    August 15, 2012 at 8:20 pm

  4. bornsirius

    YES!!!!!!!! This is seriously one of the best posts I've ever read on Good Women Project. Thank you so much for actually talking about this issue, and doing it so well. Acceptance of ourselves and our sex drives is so essential. It's paramount to accept that we DO have a lustful side to us! To accept it, not beat down on ourselves for it. Accept it, but not let it control us. Accept it, and have boundaries. But for heaven's sake, accept it!
    Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

    August 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm

  5. Brooke


    August 15, 2012 at 8:40 pm

  6. Well said!

    August 15, 2012 at 8:49 pm

  7. Sarah

    THANK YOU!! I'm sick of feeling like a pervert just because I have a sex-drive, and I'm sick of hearing men talk about how women need to "not cause their brothers to stumble" when they don't think twice about walking around without shirts.

    August 15, 2012 at 9:44 pm

  8. Elle Dee

    yes! girl wait till i start submitting posts. my man starts stretching, and i am like yum. thank you God. he blushes at the idea that i am so flirty with him, and its actually the opposite. he's so quite when it comes to that and internal. some people just dont like to express that part of them or only at certain moments. and that is okay, and so it being quite honest with your partner (and Jesus, and not being random and wasteful with your body).

    August 15, 2012 at 11:38 pm

  9. Priscilla

    Oh AMEN!! And by the way, glance through Song of Solomon!! She’s quite visual hersel. And also quite aware of herself, too. Very Biblical thoughts, ladies!!

    Awesome post!! May God be praised as these truths are finally let out of the bag!! :0)

    August 16, 2012 at 12:13 am

  10. cme

    This is insanely good and true. Knowing that there are articles like this that are available to me, and girls that I know and work with, makes my heart sings, and I know that God is working in this. Having struggled secretly with lust through an addiction to porn, and being made to feel ashamed for admitting it and trying to deal with it, this sort of message gives me hope that there are people out there that are willing to talk about this stuff openly. Thank you, thank you, thank you! x

    August 16, 2012 at 9:29 am

  11. Yes! I remember when I first discovered what lust was, and how I really had to fight it, and I wondered if any other girls had ever experienced it too. I have NEVER heard the church acknowledge that women lust too.

    August 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

  12. Very true. We need to be honest for accountability purposes. We need a lot of prayers and help each second of our lives that whenever we see guys we "don't even think about it" !

    August 16, 2012 at 10:20 am

  13. First off: THANK. YOU. I am so tired of hearing all that "only men are visual" garbage. If that were true, I wouldn't have watched porn at 12 to figure out what the big deal was. Big deal is: guys are hot. And we DO like to look. I've been to enough art museums to have witnessed the sly blush that creeps up women's faces when they walk in a room filled with Renaissance-era nude art. It's the conflict of "wow, that painting dude is really good looking" and "if I look, there must be something WRONG with me." Nope. Not the case. It happens! Where did we get this delusional idea that only the female body is for appreciating? Not even from a sexual standpoint, but just aesthetically!

    Secondly: My boyfriend knows which celebs I think are hot. I know which ones he does. And it's OKAY. Because both of us know that's all it is. He teases me about Benedict Cumberbatch and David Tennant and I just agree. Yes. I do think they are gooood looking men. But you know what? It doesn't matter! They're not MY man. I think maybe men created this concept to convince themselves they don't have to try to measure up a long time ago. Because if there's no comparison of who is better, then it doesn't matter. UNLESS there is a perceived comparison. Maybe some men aren't as certain they're not being compared to Mr. SuperSexy all the time and so they believe this idea that women don't notice things like that. IDK. Just throwing that out there. It makes sense, I think.

    August 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

    • Anonymous

      "I've been to enough art museums to have witnessed the sly blush that creeps up women's faces when they walk in a room filled with Renaissance-era nude art. It's the conflict of "wow, that painting dude is really good looking" and "if I look, there must be something WRONG with me.""

      Aren't there a number of women though who genuinely find mens' anatomy to be laughable (read: ugly) and a real turn-off? There are too many instances on other blogs where women express that exact viewpoint of men…

      March 29, 2013 at 10:00 pm

  14. Thank you for acknowledging this so openly!! This is a HUGELY important subject that needs to be addressed and you wrote about it perfectly. I'm probably a bit older than most of GWP readers so I remember the days when advertising directed at women rarely included a man with next to nothing on. Madison Avenue (Diesel, CK, etc.) discovered something the church has yet to admit: women are turned on by visual stimulus as much as men. And the ad moguls are getting rich off of it! And the women are getting off on it

    With the rise of women struggling with pornography, there is also going to be an increase in women secretly struggling with lust. On top of that, women are experiencing same-sex attraction as a response to their prolonged exposure to porn, adding shame on top of shame.

    I'm hoping this post will bring freedom to women who have been hiding, as well as provide some companions in the struggle. I'm not writing this from outside the experience, I struggle with everything I've written about. Thankfully, I have accountability. If you don't, or would like to provide accountability and understanding, PLEASE consider becoming a part of the GWP mentoring program. Or get in touch with someone who has left a comment. Or reach out to me! I'm always happy to listen, talk, and pray! raggletaggletammy (at) gmail

    Thank you, Kait!!

    August 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    • A Lovely Forgotten

      No, Thank You! I honestly just began blogging a little over a year ago- and this sort of response not only makes my heart joyfully sing, but is such a humbling source of encouragement. So many times we get discouraged that God isn't moving in our lives, or that our efforts continuously go unnoticed- and when that is proven wrong… its quite overwhelming. Thank you everyone for taking a moment to read this. My spirit is so on fire for the absolute hunger for truth and light to be shone within the Female community in the Body of Christ!

      You all are rockstars, and GWP is a frickin' amphitheater!
      -Kait W

      August 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

  15. Tiffany

    Great article.. If I had a nickel for every time I've quietly seethed through a sermon or small group round-table when the leader either rattled out the men are visual/women are emotional diatribe or made some comment like "well, some women out there are visual, but it's a rare occurence"… I'd have a whole lot of nickels. Are we really that rare? Articles like this are just one more step in the right direction to allow Christian women to actually TALK about these issues. Thank you!!!

    Also, it's not just "studly" men… at least, not for me. Magic Mike-esque guys do next to nothing for me. Can we just acknowledge that women's tastes for men are as diverse as men's preferences in women?

    August 17, 2012 at 9:30 am

    • @laurendubinsky

      Yeah, I love hearing that we are "the exception to the rule" when gender rules are a very bad place to start out with in the first place.

      August 17, 2012 at 5:41 pm

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  17. Amy

    I'm SO GLAD someone finally said it! Geeze.
    I'll be honest i have struggled (and still sometimes do) with pornography. Yet I'm "told" by the media,churches,etc that i shouldn't because that is a "mans struggle"…the truth is, we have lust deep within our hearts too.
    THANK YOU for sharing this, for putting it out there, for being completely HONEST and upfront about it.
    Gosh can i favorite this one!?

    August 29, 2012 at 1:57 pm

  18. I'll be honest, when I first clicked on the link for GWP I was VERY skeptical. I rarely enjoy "Christian women" sites because I feel like they are always telling me how I should act and consist of very narrow viewpoints and topics. After reading a realistic and honest article about dealing with LUST, I'm starting to think GWP is going to be the exception I can enjoy :)

    September 14, 2012 at 6:52 pm

  19. Fiona

    I was at a church one day and the pastor was preaching…I couldn't help but I wasn't listening to half of what he was saying because he had biceps, and packs like crazy…he is one of those pastors who encouraged and believed men should work out and believe in themselves…I was really uncomfortable because I was secretly admiring those muscles…..most women in that congregation were…seriously…we should see more of it…I was a little naive so I left that church thinking they were too worldly…..I was just confused…I had never seen such a thing in a christian guy…..These days, I am more mature…. my boyfriend decided to start working out…at first i didn't think any of it…but the effect it has on me now is dramatic…I just want to rip his clothes off…thank God for his new found passion…:-)))

    December 5, 2012 at 5:10 pm

  20. Fiona

    Just saying…we are not sleeping together….waiting for marriage…

    December 5, 2012 at 5:17 pm

  21. Faith

    I’ve always felt it wouldn’t make sense for God to create men with the ability to feel desire and physical attraction and to not place it in his companion. That would almost be cruel because the desires would be unmatched, the truth is they are perfectly matched. Ignoring a woman’s equality when it comes to desire is a spiritually abusive way to try to control women towards holiness (don’t get pregnant, don’t have sex early in life). However, trying to keep women safe or good by not admitting they are very sexual will not give them tools to manage their true desires. Also, I think someone else hit the nail on the head when they said, “If men don’t acknowledge women are visual then they get to avoid the responsibility of taking care of themselves too.” Gender norms in this country put an unequal burden on women. They are the ones given the responsibility of keeping the fire going or starting it during courtship. For this reason most women take care of themselves well through diet exercise, hygiene, and spend time trying to attract through style. Men who are slobs, or unkempt, and very out of shape somehow feel entitled to these women who look great. As a woman looking out and observing the marriage market, I feel disgusted and often it is awful that most men do not take care of themselves, it is very uninspirational, unsexy, and a huge turnoff. Yet the field, dating market has SO MANY underperforming men who do not care about what women want because of the power difference — they don’t have to. They can still get the girl, because of the numbers game many women end up having to settle. That’s when beautiful women end up with men who no one can understand how he got her. There truly are not enough good, and purposefully FIT men, so women often have to put aside desire to settle for any kind of love, hoping the chemistry will come later. I personally don’t believe chemistry can be created that not present from the beginning. Marriage can’t change people, and observations shows marriage actually allows men to let go of their bodies more, not less. The poor marriage market and the bad deal for women is the reason I choose to remain single. No matter how nice a man is if he does not inspire me to want to take him to the marriage bed and have his children I won’t give up my freedom as a single person. Men do not deserve women who take care of themselves if they do not take care of themselves. In truth they are incredibly lucky that women are such loving creatures and down to the very slobbish man usually they can find a woman who will overlook it. Women with high self esteem, high self awareness and who are in touch with their own sex drive and need for chemistry — my guess is it is harder to find a man. I am finding that to be true in my own life, but there is no way I’m going to settle. Marriage without chemistry would not work out anyway, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. BUT, I do wish more men took care of themselves so there were more partners to choose from. From my vantage point the field is rather sad because of gender norms that let men off the hook. I will continue to hope for the best and live an exciting life as a single, sort of like Israel before she had a king, unless I find a good man who inspires me to crown him King of my country. Until then I will live with God and Christ as my compass and companion.

    December 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    • You're right–men do have a responsibility to take care of themselves. We should be honoring God with our bodies, not letting it go; there are also plenty of repercussions and concerns if we let good health and hygiene slide.

      March 21, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    • Denise

      Hello Faith, you might just be my new best friend. We think alike! Write me sometime.

      April 24, 2014 at 1:48 am

  22. It's obviously true that some women find the male physique very appealing, but my question has always been: What percentage of women is it really true of? I don't ask for the sake of statistics, but because what's touted is usually one of the following:

    * they're only a small percentage of the female population
    * they've been exposed to porn, which was responsible for the way they now see men
    * they only find men physically appealing around/during their period

    I've also wondered whether there is any truth to it being a generational thing; i.e. younger women are more visual than older because of our culture and media influence?

    As a guy, I honestly fail to see what's sensual or beautiful about the male form. I understand kind eyes, or the sense of security or protection men may offer women (and hopefully also genuine listening ear and loving, understanding spirit), but from a purely aesthetic, artistic perspective–and especially compared to the female form–I don't understand how the rest of our anatomy has any appeal to women…especially when most of us guys aren't exactly an Adonis or sculpted like Greek gods. We also struggle with body image, and fail to see how those imperfections–let alone our basic male design–can be overlooked.

    It's not that I don't believe it doesn't happen (I've been cat-called a couple times in my life by women), but even in public settings I have yet to see a woman ogling or even noticing guys like I (unfortunately) frequently see guys do to women. I've had more women snicker at me than turn their heads my direction. It's just the lack of everyday evidence that makes it hard to believe. It's too easy to believe that the women who really find men physically attractive are the rare "Princess Ardala's" and that the only men they're drooling over are the "Buck Rogers" type.

    March 15, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    • Perhaps we women hide it better? Desire for the male form that is… ;) And I've had conversations with guy friends about this; trust me, we find you appealing. Different women are attracted to different men, as different men are attracted to different women. No, we don't show it as openly as men do, most of the time, but that's really a culture thing I think; something that's it's deemed OK for men to do but not women (but that's a whole different subject!)

      I can't speak for the entire female population of the world, but I find men appealing visually. A lot. You may say that's something to do with me being a young woman (I'm 20), but I honestly think it is true of most women. I've turned down a couple of guys interested in me, because to be frank, although they are lovely Christian guys and I'm great friends with them, I simply didn't fancy them. That was it.

      Personally, I've not been exposed to porn, and am still attracted to men visually. I'm betting my hard candy that my monthly cycle does influence this, but not as much as if I simply happen to see some hot guy while I'm out walking/going to the shop/at the swimming pool. He turns my head. You bet he does. Of course, you then have to walk the fine line between looking and lusting…

      You ask how the male anatomy appeals to women…well! Maybe you better ask God, he designed it so women would like it. I ain't gonna go into specifics cos as I said each woman finds different things appealing. On the other side of the coin though, I can appreciate women's bodies aesthetically, but if I'm watching a Shakira video, for example I definitely envy her her toned physique rather than lust after her, and am often fascinated by how men find the female form attractive. I remember sitting at the kitchen table in my student house one lunchtime and asking my two male housemates why it is exactly that men seem obsessed with boobs – to us, they're kind of an everyday thing; not that exciting! :P

      March 20, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    • Momo

      Women hide it. We don't talk about it, that's all. I've been scoping out boys and men since I was like 4 years old. I had a mad crush on a kid in my kindergarten class and it wasn't because of his protective eyeballs or whatever. He was CUTE! Flash forward to age 10 or so, another mad crush on a kid in class — because he was CUTE. Another one, blue eyes and black hair in 7th grade. Gorgeous boy. I wasn't watching porn and getting my idea of male attractiveness from that. Had an insane crush on Henry Thomas from E.T. when I was 10. That lasted for YEARS. Went crazy for a boy in a French movie when I was 14. (OMG his HAIR was amazing and his lips…omg omg)… When I was 15 it was Alan Wilder from Depeche Mode. Super sexy in black leather, yes please. I was looking and looking all over the place. I never stopped. I was a virgin til I was 21 but I was LOOKING and extremely visual.

      I don't think you're thinking of this right at all, and I don't blame you Greg because poor men have been conditioned to think that attractiveness means giant balloon breasts on a woman or massive muscles on a man. They expect *too much* from women and think women will expect a lot in return. Some do. Muscles look GOOD (Daryl Dixon anyone?) Heck I admit freely that I would watch Lazy Town with my toddler because Sportacus was super hot and his arms were a turn on. (Surely you didn't think I watched it for the puppet or warm feelings?)

      I'm looking at everything and for me in particular HAIR is a huge thing. Huge. A guy can look hot and then look awful after a haircut. But at least I'm not asking anyone to undergo life endangering surgery to "enhance" anything. Men don't EVER listen to me when I have asserted my interest in perhaps changing their hair a little. Meanwhile men sit back and demand women do this that and the next dangerous and expensive thing to make themselves more "pornified". Men won't even let their hair grow for me. Sheesh.

      Great parts of men: muscled arms, chest (think Wolverine), hands, hair, neck, legs, hips (a shirtless guy in black jeans is delicious), facial and chest hair (I love chest hair on guys but so few men seem to be able to grow any). The naughty bit is also attractive depending (they're not all the same). The scrotum I concur is a particularly unattractive body part but you don't see men stressing about it, trying to make it more attractive, cleaning or perfuming it or disguising it in any way. It's ugly and they don't care. They still expect us to get our faces up close to the most ugly smelly and sweaty part of them without thinking twice.

      I'm not gonna stop looking. Just yesterday I was watching Full Metal Jacket. It wasn't because of the story, it wasn't because of the acting, it was because ADAM BALDWIN makes my ovaries explode and I like LOOKING AT HIM.

      December 1, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      • If I may ask, why do women hide it, and what keeps them from talking about it? I don't ask to be critical, but to understand.

        December 1, 2014 at 6:12 pm

  23. If women really do notice men and find them appealing, then they are indeed masters of hiding it! BTW, it's never okay for men to ogle and/or cat-call women (read: makes my blood boil). There's a big difference between noticing/admiring and ogling. Ogling is not acceptable, and one of the reasons why I'm not thrilled to be a guy.

    In your opinion, do you feel that the men that women find visually appealing are more the 'fit' ones? i.e. do men still have appeal to women even when they don't work out? I ask, because even for guys it's easy to feel like that's the only appeal we can (or might) have.

    It's wonderful that God has spared you from porn–don't ever let the world tell you anything different! But it's encouraging and affirming (not an ego thing) to know you still find men's design appealing and attractive.

    I understand women liking tall guys because they feel safer around them (a very practical sense of protection/security), but in a similar example to what you shared, those of us who are tall tend to feel lanky/awkward, and unsettlingly conspicuous. Perhaps even though we genuinely want to, we won't ever fully comprehend our own appeal to the opposite sex; but from a purely artistic perspective, I could easily make the case for women being created with very aesthetic qualities; the vast majority of which are simply absent in the male form. Evidence for that view shows up in both the art and marketing worlds (e.g. women are preferred for advertisements to both men and women, whereas only women are used for most advertisements to men).

    To fully explain why men find the female form attractive would be a more lengthy explanation than would fit here; but in a nutshell (and unlike men), every aspect of the female form complements each other, and does so in a very striking, breathtaking way. It has both prominence and modesty, innocence and allure; all elegantly embodied in graceful curves–everything fits and flows–like the way a mountain and valley form a landscape, or how a sunset combines contrasting, different elements in such a way that you never tire of gazing at it. In short, women are an amazing, fascinating work of art in a very real sense of the word.

    So while men are mostly functional, women have both function and artistic beauty; i.e. whatever visual appeal women see in men, it pales in comparison to the depth of appeal women themselves possess. I used to be an art student, so I guess I'm still thinking like one. As a fellow (female) art student once told me: "Aesthetically speaking, it is much more fun to draw a female than a male. The light hits them in such interesting ways." The street language translation would be: "You have everything we don't, and it looks really good on you." :)

    March 21, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    • Aurielle

      It's hard trying to explain to a guy why girls find guys attractive…but that's just how we're wired because we were created opposites that compliment each other. Guys love girls because their bodies are graceful and curved and beautiful, and girls love guys because their bodies are strong and carved and handsome. Of course, what's attractive to each person is different. I've known girls who are very attracted to skinny tall kind of gauky guys, and I've known girls who are even attracted to guys with a little bit of belly pudge.
      I think a lot of girls are attracted to fit guys, because a) muscles are hot. They just are. and b) It shows that they take care of themselves, they are strong, and they could defend/protect them if need be.
      Guys find the feminine attractive, girls find the masculine attractive. Maybe guys can't see that when they look at themselves, but trust me, girls definitely can. I've admired many a muscled arm and trim waist on a guy myself. It's the way God created us, and it's awesome.

      June 2, 2013 at 2:26 am

      • Momo

        You're spot on. I like all kinds of men. I like thin and tall, tall with a bit of pudge (I'm not strictly a fan but felt sad when Jason Segal lost that weight that made him cute to me), I like them muscled like Daryl Dixon on Walking Dead, I like them even androgynous. I have been attracted to guys of many races as well.

        What I do not like is a guy who doesn't care about himself, dresses dirty (stains, holes etc.) smells bad, doesn't groom himself or keep clean, bad breath etc. anything dirty about him is gross. If he has skidmarks and stuff like that, it's disgusting beyond measure.

        The male body can be very attractive — it's just not attractive to men so therefore they don't comprehend how it is attractive to ANYONE because men think everything revolves around what they enjoy. Sad but true.

        December 1, 2014 at 3:32 pm

        • I think a more accurate statement would be: "…because men think everything revolves around women and their beauty."

          December 1, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    • EVA

      Greg – your comments are silly, and you're basically discounting the work of God in making man (both male and female) beautiful in his image.

      "Men are functional, but women are functional AND artistic"–OK, so was God not an artist when he fashioned Adam from the dust of the earth but somehow became one when fashioning Eve out of Adam's rib?

      Also, over-complimenting women (at the expense of yourself or your entire gender) is not attractive.

      July 15, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    • Momo

      And about porn Greg, porn shows you the most gross parts of people. I am talking about the pimples and moles and weird growths and stretch marks and places where waste comes from etc. It's full of mainly close ups of men (which is weird because it seems to me that men just simply enjoy looking at other men since women are very little of the focus of porn. Why would a man enjoy a "money shot" anyway? I mean why? Why do men want to see that from other guys?) Men get no satisfaction or even interest in women's pleasure, it's all about watching another man get pleasure. It seems extremely homosexual to me. Like the woman is there just to pretend that's what they're looking at (when it's really the other dudes.) Porn is just gross. So men are taught to enjoy things that are 1) selfish and 2) gross. And they're OK with that.

      December 1, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      • I can only speak to what God rescued me from, but homosexual porn was never appealing to me, and neither was it to the men I knew who were also caught in addictions to pornography. Men who find other men appealing are dealing with the sin of homosexuality.

        December 1, 2014 at 6:48 pm

  24. Pingback: Hairy Pits and Stinky Breath | alienredqueen

  25. Elizabeth

    Wow thank you for being so straightforward about female sexuality. As a woman myself I can't help looking at all of those common stereotypes (men being the visual creatures while women are supposedly the "naiive" emotional ones) and think "what the hell?!" You had me all the way until the Bible verse and then mentioning that the Bible mentions lustful women. True while the Bible mentions women are lustful, it is negatively connotated. In fact, the Bible is sexist, objectifying women as something to lust over or as beings that are hyper sexual all in all being the reason for "sin" to occur. All in all, I agree that women are just as sexual and visual as men (and that it is freeing to recognize and relish in that); however I don't agree with the biblical references. Interesting article!

    September 24, 2013 at 2:35 am

  26. Sexist in what context? The Song of Solomon gives a very positive description of Solomon's bride's sexual love. And 1 Corinthians 7 clearly states that a husband a wife are not to withhold sexual intimacy from each other–they are to enjoy it thoroughly! Sex outside of marriage is what's sin, and that's what God through Scripture comes down strongly against–not sexuality in its proper context.

    September 24, 2013 at 7:41 am

  27. Annabel

    Great article, it is the weak men with fragile egos who would want to believe otherwise. ofcourse we women are visual and have alot of things in common with men. good luck

    December 16, 2013 at 9:11 am

  28. Dr. S

    THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!! It actually has helped me as a man feel more equal to women. Brilliant.

    January 7, 2014 at 11:25 pm

  29. sauce

    Thank you so much for this! I am so sick of reading articles about men being visual, and wanting to bed everything due to their biological nature. Yet women are emotional and only think of holding hands with their husbands! By the way I'm not saying I don't have fantasies about a partner I love (I do), but if I am single I will think about many men I see everywhere…and the thing that sets me off is not reading a romance novel, or hearing sweet nothings (usually a turn off)…it's seeing a sexy man! I'm sick of feeling like there is something wrong with me for being this way, and having 'evolution' tell me that I am one in a million. I think when people use the evolutionary theory to back up the 'men are visual, women are emotional' argument, it is only to protect their male ego.

    January 27, 2014 at 9:20 pm

  30. Bec

    Wonderful article. Thanks. I am very turned on by beautiful men and I love a man who takes cares of his appearance and tries to be attractive and is confident in his looks. Neither a man nor a woman has to be a model to exude a wonderful and respectful aura about their beauty and maintaining it. It took me a long time to understand this but I now see it as a responsibility to bring beauty to the world. I learned this by discovering a beautiful man who preached this message. I have read that how you take care of yourself is an external showing of your spirit. Nice thing to share with the world. Hope many women and men read your article and grow from it.

    February 9, 2014 at 3:04 pm

  31. Bee

    Oh thank you for this. I think I will scream if I hear that women-are-emotional-not-visual junk one more time.

    Um no, we have eyes and hormones. Just sayin’. I don’t know of any girl I’ve gotten to know who doesn’t have to guard very carefully against lust, or lingering too long on a hot guy.

    I think it’s a crying shame this is not being addressed in the church anywhere at all like it should be, because rather than teaching girls it’s okay and even seriously good to be very sexual beings but that it’s reserved for marriage only, we’re basically telling them it’s unladylike and ungodly. I’m not a fan of ogling guys, mind you, but admiring and noticing God’s handiwork? I definitely do.

    And honestly, while I’m a total fan of girls taking care of themselves and working out, eating healthy, I’m really tired of being told girls need to do that to get a guy, guys are visual. While men are seldom encouraged to do the same to get a girl. I’m not expecting a six pack, but basic healthy habits are a total, total turn-on.

    Guys who consistently put the effort in to look good STAND OUT to women.

    They Really Do.

    And ones who put little or no effort in, then sit and talk about how this or that girl is overweight and needs to lose before they’d consider her? Double standards are not cool.

    All of this to say, both genders are wired to notice and be attracted to the physical, as well as the inward parts. We’d all do well to remember that ;-)

    March 8, 2015 at 8:50 am

  32. Bradley

    Human sexuality is a bell curve for each sex and not only two modes. Some men have no sex drive and some women are extremely aroused by the male form. While there is no doubt women find men and men's form attractive, IN GENERAL there is a big difference in the level of arousal. If that is not true, explain to me the 100 to 1 ratio of men targeted vs women targeted skin mags? Explain to me the 100 to 1 ratio of female strip clubs to male? Oh, don't get me wrong. Women have their sexual vices. Can we say Harlequin Romance? So each sex is open to sexual sin, but let's be realistic about what promotes sexual sin IN GENERAL for each sex.

    June 21, 2015 at 11:48 pm

  33. Jean

    It is men's way of controlling women, by putting us in a box. Men do not want to believe that we as women are capable of doing the same things that they already do. One thing is that they feel no longer in control of women, the way they have always controlled us.

    It's sad though, the way some women accept and agree with everything that men tell women to do, think, and act like. Then on top of that, somegiilibe, indoctrinated females, have the nerve to go on the Internet and write articles that tell women that we are only good for worshipping, exalting, and submitting to husbands. Why are these women so stupid. For once, I would just like for women to support each other, the way that men support each other.

    September 16, 2015 at 9:43 am

  34. @ Jean: Actually, it has nothing to do with men controlling women, but rather the differences between women themselves–especially regarding this issue. Truth is, and I mean this with all respect, but women are "all over the map" on this. I can substantiate that with numerous comments from women themselves if you want more proof (but it would be wise to do it via personal e-mail so this blog doesn't get off-topic ).

    You stated that: "For once, I would just like for women to support each other, the way that men support each other." Well, that simply won't happen because women are significantly different from each other; arguably, much more so than men.

    September 16, 2015 at 12:23 pm

  35. Jean

    Women are indeed visual. And guess what men. Your wives and girlfriends gawk at other men, besides you. We are just told to suppress our natural attraction to males and so we try to do the. But men, we stare too. It's not just men that's visual. Nov 19, 2015

    Tell you what. Start getting men to wear spandex and low cuff, revealing clothing and tight cut and genital tight clothing and put on their cologne. Women will go wild.

    November 19, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    • Correction: /Some/ women are indeed visual. This post obviously attracts women who identify with being visual. But most women are not; way too many facts point to that. Take Playgirl magazine as an example (

      Also, in 2003, Mark Graff, President of Trans Digital Media, the brand management firm for Playgirl TV, stated that 50% of Playgirl's readership are gay men. In a February 2010 interview with the Associated Press, Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardico stated that he considers the magazine appealing to both men and women, although the audience is _predominantly male_.

      Not easy for women who are visual to swallow, but it's the truth.

      November 19, 2015 at 10:19 pm

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