Being Single: Don’t Waste The Wait
Editor’s Note: A recent grad from Lee University, Hannah Salsberry is beginning cosmetology school in January. What awesome advice she gives. Step outside of yourself for a moment & look at her suggestions with an open mind. Hannah blogs at MayHopeArise & tweets at @hannahelisabeth – Lauren
So, we’re waiting. Waiting on the one our hearts love. And sometimes, it’s hard. Over the past year, I’ve learned so much about waiting. I’ve learned so much about viewing singleness as a blessing and not a hindrance. I’ve especially learned about proactively waiting. What does that look like? Here are a few things that it looks like in my life, and I hope it encourages you while you wait!
Read books. Marriage books. Relationship books. Literature. Poetry. Inspiration books. Anything. READ. There are so many good resources out there.
Find a Mentor. Find someone who is older than you and who can give you wisdom from “the other side.” Someone who can speak into your life and give you practical advice and encouragement during your single years, because they’ve been there themselves.
Ask questions. Ask your brothers. Ask your dad. Ask your mom. Ask your married friends. Don’t be afraid to seek people out and get knowledge from them and ask them the tough questions. You’d be surprised at how much it means to people to know that as a single girl, you value their thoughts during this season of your life (which is one of the most important ones you’ll ever be in!)
Become the right one. I know, I know, you’re probably as sick of the phrase “the One” as I am, but really. We spend all of this time expecting and wanting the right one, yet we do not spend time BECOMING the right one. Become the right one for someone. Use this time to strengthen characteristics of grace and respect and boldness and humility. Use this time to become the best version of you that you can be.
Stay confident. Confidence is attractive. We look for men who are confident, so why aren’t we? Get healthy. Try new hairstyles and make-up tips and products. Change your style if you feel like it. But whatever you do, do not wallow in self-pity. Chances are that you being single has very little do with there being something wrong with you. God’s timing is God’s timing, and it has to happen when it’s right. Don’t get so strung up on getting skinny enough or pretty enough or _______ enough. You’re enough. Be you. Be confident.
Pray. Seriously. Pray over your future. Pray for your husband. Pray for his family (which will become your family too). Pray for his friends to speak into his life. Pray for him to find mentors. Pray for his heart. And pray for your heart. Pray for your home. Pray for wisdom for your husband.
Write him letters/journal. My sophomore year of high school I started a journal to my husband. I haven’t written daily, or even monthly, over the years… But I’ve been writing prayers and dreams and things I want for our lives together. I’ve been writing frustrations, I’ve been writing about actual dreams I’ve had. I don’t know that he will ever read it word-for-word, but what a precious gift I will have to give him someday! It truly makes it “easier” too, because in my temptation to worry or be impatient, I can go back to that journal and remember that this man I’m writing to is worth it all. One of the things i’m looking forward to most on our wedding day, is giving him this journal that I’ve been writing for years!
Build relationships with girl friends. I remember having a period in my life where I for some reason didn’t think I needed girl friends. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. There are some things that only women understand and only women can truly help you through. I wouldn’t trade the past year and a half of growing closer to my “forever friends” for anything. They have been there on the nights I’m crying over being single, and they’ve been there to put me in my place and speak truth into my life in love. I cannot tell you how important it is to have women in your life who walk through life with you and carry your load for you when you cannot carry it for yourself.
Take advantages of opportunities. Babysit. Cook dinner for your guy friends. Write letters. Buy dinner for someone. Travel. Volunteer. Sew. Serve people in your life, especially if you know young moms. Organize. Hang out with friends. Pursue your dreams. Go back to school. Blog. Go camping. Learn new recipes. BE YOU.
What makes your heart come alive? What makes you feel fulfilled? Pour your heart into that! ENJOY it. Life is sweet and beautiful and even though waiting can be difficult, these are very, very precious moments.
You have your whole life to be married. Allow the Lord to work in you and through you. Wait for the man God has made for you, knowing that he will come into your life when the time is completely right!
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I love this! Such great posts we have had about Singleness, but I really like this list of "proactively waiting." I especially like knowing that I am not the only one who has a journal for my future husband. I started it in 2006, but I don't write daily or monthly either.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
September 13, 2011 at 1:11 am
Hi,
I cannot say how much I relate to this post. I'm turning 26 soon, and thought I would be married by now and so, this past year have realized the points that you talked about. It is SO TRUE! And it feels so good to know that I am not alone in my struggle in waiting, but wanting to live fully until that time comes…and plus, God does have the absolute perfect timing, so let's not waste it! I am learning this over and over, day by day. It is so easy for me to have a pity-party, seeing all my friends marry, while at the same time, knowing deep down in my heart that I am not quite ready for marriage myself. Thanks for posting. :)
Luiza
September 13, 2011 at 1:13 am
I love this! Such practical advice, thank you! I especially love 'Be the right one' – I think this is crucial but is often forgotten about! And "you have your whole life to be married" really struck me too; don't think I'd ever thought of it that way before!
September 13, 2011 at 2:14 pm
relationships with my galfirends is what keeps me going i feel Gods love reaching to me through them .. Thanx for the post
September 13, 2011 at 3:23 pm
So amazing! I wrote about this on my blog as well quite a few times even before I was married. Waiting is the most amazing (one of the most amazing) times you will ever have to serve, learn, teach, etc. Such great advice!!! I tell all of my girlfriends to love where they are if they are single because all girl slumber parties are no longer a norm with a husband :)
September 13, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Hi, i'm new to Good Women, but God showed me this site at just the right time because i just turned 23 and totaly thought i'd be married by now. I"ve battled the self-pity fight off and on these last several years, and through these articles about single women, i've been encouraged. Even though everything you said is what i've thought or wanted, its encouraging to not be alone. Thanks. In response to this article i'm interested in see that writing to my future husband hasn't been my idea only. I used to write more when i was in highschool and college, but i stll occasionaly write a letter or two. Through this site i realized that i've been nursing my self-pity at being single, but now i've been encouraged to embrace my singleness and i'm ready to face life with God in control.
September 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Yes! Thank you for this – so lovely to read a post about embracing your singleness while still longing for marriage.
I was reading down this site and was so discouraged by the post on not wasting your singleness (written by a married man!) and then I read this post and realised this is how you really make the most of your singleness.
Thankyou.
September 25, 2011 at 12:11 am
This blog doesn’t display appropriately on my iphone 3gs – you may want to try and repair that
January 31, 2012 at 1:21 pm
I love the concept about making the most of your singleness – I absolutely agree with a lot of what has been said. It would be great, however, to have a post/posts written by women who are older but never ended up getting married – this post kind of assumes that one will, at some point, get married, but this is not the actual case of all single women. I have known strong women who have lived full lives, and even though they have always had a desire to be married, this never happened. It would be great to hear from these "good women" as well – what happened when they faced that reality? I have yet to see anyone really address this issue in a blog, but I think we would all agree that the insights of lifelong single people are valuable.
Also, I love this blog! It is my favorite blog for Christian women – I love the honesty and courage that I see in the posts. Keep up the amazing work, guys!
March 10, 2012 at 11:09 am
Amen! It’s taken me 29 years to genuinely realize/practice some of this, but God has been faithful and revealed these truths to me in a new way the last few months. Don’t waste 10 of the best years of your life “waiting”, embrace the life your living and be thankful for all you do have:-)
March 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm
This is epically good and sound advice – which obviously applies just as well to men (with the appropriate gender substitutions). One additional note: Life after marriage is much harder, much busier; allowing very little time to withdraw and think. While you're single is a good time to focusing on your various life philosophies. You may not get time to do that again until you and your spouse are settling into retirement and playing with grand-babies.
March 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm
I am struggling with being single after a 2 year relationship with the man I thought I would marry and I needed to read this. I loved it. A lot. And, it made me feel excited about my future (and being single) for the first time in a long time!
Thank you!
May 18, 2012 at 1:35 pm
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I must congratulate all my fellow sisters in the Lord for bring single and Fabulous!
I recently turned 20! I’m beyond excited to read such blogs to be encouraged, that being Single is a road to discovery. To fall in love with God and explore his mercy upon our lives
Thanks again God bless
November 26, 2012 at 1:35 am
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