They Do Exist.

Dear Beautiful: An Apology From A Man.

Editor’s Note: Welcome to March!! This month we are publishing open letters from men to women. I am so, so excited about it. If you are a man and want to contribute, please visit our Contribute page. Your letter can be to a specific woman, a certain kind of woman, women who have experienced ________, or to women in general. This is your chance speak encouragement, an apology, an explanation – anything you’ve been unable to say. Today’s post is by Jason. You can find him at @jasonmstauffer. – Lauren

Dear Beautiful,

I am sorry.

I want you to know that the way I treated you wasn’t a reflection of you—it was a reflection of me.

When I ignored you, and avoided eye contact. I wasn’t rejecting you; I was protecting myself from being exposed as rejected.

I recognized your beauty, and said nothing. I wanted to tell you, but even more than that, I desperately wanted to show you—to paint you a picture of your true self. But you paint with colors—not dirt.

I thought I was dirt, and I knew that you don’t serve fine wine from a clay pot.

I didn’t make time for you when you needed me to, because I saw no value in my time. I could not fathom being needed.

I withheld my love under the assumption that you had it together, and I didn’t. I felt my love was worthless. I never imagined that I could have been exactly what you needed at that moment.

I did not hold back my sarcastic comments, and hurtful jokes. I wasn’t attacking you; I was protecting myself. I was creating a “safe” distance between us.

My ignorance of your feelings, was a result of not being familiar with my own heart.

The problem with my actions wasn’t you. It took me thirty single years, a counselor, and many close friends to figure out that my problem was me—I did not feel worthy.

I lacked the realization that God’s opinion of me defines my worthiness.

If you are still waiting for someone to notice you—to show you your worth—remember that “Mr. Right*” has a lot wrong with him. And that you only have to wait for him as long as he has to wait on himself.

The tough part of life is that you—just like Jesus—have to wait for the world to recognize the Truth that’s inside of you. In the meantime, you need to know that if men are not treating you the way you want to be treated it is not your responsibility to change that. It because of them. Not because of you.

Your only obligation is to believe the truth about yourself. When that belief is alive in you, everything you have ever wanted will notice.

Love,

Jason


Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
Follow Good Women Project on Twitter: @goodwomenproj
Be a fan on Facebook: facebook.com/goodwomenproject

Subscribe to our email newsletter for insider updates here or subscribe to the blog here. Or both.
Everyone on our team is volunteer, and we are funded 100% by you. If you'd like to donate, you can here.
We're also doing fun stuff on Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest!


38 Responses

  1. Wow, thank you!!! As a girl who has had two relationships that looked exactly like this, thank you.

    If only you knew how much we believed in you. How we saw sleek, strong granite under the clay veneer.

    March 2, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    • simply_sweet

      You took the words right out of my mouth! Thank you for this post Jason!

      March 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    • lilybea411

      I agree Lindsey! I loved your granite under clay veneer analogy. I'm very willing to see the good…sadly some guys just don't give themselves a chance. :-)

      March 2, 2012 at 5:23 pm

  2. Emily

    "The tough part of life is that you—just like Jesus—have to wait for the world to recognize the Truth that’s inside of you"

    I love this statement. Well put! Thanks!

    March 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

  3. love this! I actually wrote a note similar to this to a my ex-boyfriend! :D really healed me and I'm sure it healed him or is healing him.
    http://www.vivalavida-journals.tumblr.com

    March 2, 2012 at 3:27 pm

  4. Grant

    Absolutely brilliant. Thanks Jason for your openness and thanks Lauren for sharing this!

    This hits very close to home and is going to help me immensely!

    Thank you!

    March 2, 2012 at 4:10 pm

  5. Rarely do I comment on posts from here, I mostly share. But, this post made me tear up. There are so many women out there (me included) that need to hear things like this. This post gives me hope that more Men will learn to speak up before it's too late. That Men will be able to recognize a good woman while they're there and not have to write a letter of an apology because they were too broken to care.

    Honestly, from my experience, Men like you, Men like this are worth the wait. I've been waiting for almost two years :)

    God bless you!

    March 2, 2012 at 5:20 pm

  6. anonymous_e

    This is really really lovely. Thank you so much Jason.

    My own experience involves a relationship that was great, up until… until a year and a half in the boy got scared, and every single thing described above started to happen. At the time, I figured that what Jason described was happening to my boyfriend but it still hurt like nothing I've ever felt before. It's really helpful to read it straight from a mans mouth…

    However I do have a bone to pick with Jason about once sentence "if men are not treating you the way you want to be treated it is not your responsibility to change that."

    While I agree that we as women can't change the way a man is behaving (that change obviously needs to come from his own heart…) I think it's just as important to remind ourselves that if we are in fact being treated badly, be it emotionally or physically, it IS still our responsibility to remove ourselves from that bad situation.

    Because while we wait for the world to recognize the Truth that’s inside of all of us amazing ladies, we shouldn't waste our time, this limited time God gave us to exist on this earth, waiting around for a man to come to his senses.

    March 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm

  7. Katie

    This is so lovely, thank you.

    March 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm

  8. SarahG

    This is what I needed to hear tonight. I just experienced these words come alive… but I am healed by His wounds, and by His love. Thanks Jason!

    March 2, 2012 at 7:20 pm

  9. Thanks for writing Jason!!

    March 2, 2012 at 7:43 pm

  10. jan

    I HOPE & PRAY MORE MEN COME FORWARD WITH HEALING IN THEIR WINGS FOR US/THE WOMEN THEY TRULY LOVE…

    March 3, 2012 at 12:21 am

  11. Almost made me cry. So honest and open. Thank you!

    March 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm

  12. Esmerelda

    Apology accecepted! :D

    March 3, 2012 at 6:40 pm

  13. Chiristy

    Thank you for sharing, Jason…because even though I am a woman, I relate to you…not the woman on the other end of this letter. Thank you for helping me realize myself more.

    March 3, 2012 at 11:01 pm

  14. Pingback: I should be asleep « wasteanotherday

  15. Bethany

    Your open and honest words just helped to heal parts of my heart. Thank you for allowing Jesus to use you in a mighty way!!

    March 7, 2012 at 6:52 pm

  16. Thank you all for your kind words.

    March 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm

  17. Heather

    Thank you so much for this, Jason. This really helped me in the healing process and confirmed the things that I couldn't put words to. God really used your piece to show me that He needs to work things out in all of us before we can be ready to love and be loved.

    April 20, 2012 at 1:27 am

  18. Pingback: Wednesday Wisdom: On Beauty and Appearances | Leelee Writes

  19. missshin

    Thank you for this, Jason. made me tear up. God bless you.

    July 4, 2012 at 9:38 am

  20. " you need to know that if men are not treating you the way you want to be treated it is not your responsibility to change that. It because of them. Not because of you. "
    " Your only obligation is to believe the truth about yourself. When that belief is alive in you, everything you have ever wanted will notice. "

    Thank you for saying that, I recently understood this, I don't define myself according to what men did to me, I define myself as me

    January 21, 2013 at 5:49 am

  21. All the same let’s see what these are all gopro coupons 2013 some
    of the top gaming brands such as Oris, Raymond Weil and Baume &
    Mercier. Stock Z: PV=Po* = DIV1 / rce gZ = 54 gopro coupons 2013 /
    0. I found it on the market, it comes with a remote control as well.

    The deal is slated to be the best for any fashion-oriented clients that will
    visit their site.

    October 18, 2013 at 2:11 pm

  22. Hi there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Ie.
    I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let
    you know. The design look great though! Hope you get the issue fixed soon.
    Many thanks

    my page network marketing

    November 2, 2013 at 8:43 am

  23. This is the reason why mushrooms are considered good for those aiming for weight loss.
    If you want to make it more appealing to your kids, add
    some frozen yogurt or a scoop of ice cream to it.

    January 31, 2014 at 12:18 am

  24. eavedrop44

    This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. <a href="http://www.technologyguards.com” target=”_blank”>www.technologyguards.com |
    <a href="http://www.technologyprofessionals-inc.com” target=”_blank”>www.technologyprofessionals-inc.com |
    <a href="http://www.technologyscheme.com” target=”_blank”>www.technologyscheme.com |
    <a href="http://www.subversiondeloshechos.com” target=”_blank”>www.subversiondeloshechos.com |
    <a href="http://www.moleculareconomics.com” target=”_blank”>www.moleculareconomics.com |
    <a href="http://www.pileandcompanyconsulting.com” target=”_blank”>www.pileandcompanyconsulting.com |
    <a href="http://www.cianony.net” target=”_blank”>www.cianony.net |
    <a href="http://www.mobileads4cars.com” target=”_blank”>www.mobileads4cars.com |
    <a href="http://www.premiercarstar-elmirage.com” target=”_blank”>www.premiercarstar-elmirage.com |
    <a href="http://www.premiercarstar-suncity.com” target=”_blank”>www.premiercarstar-suncity.com |

    February 18, 2014 at 5:50 am

  25. eavedrop44

    This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for freel. <a href="http://www.thecarstoresanleandro.com” target=”_blank”>www.thecarstoresanleandro.com |
    <a href="http://www.woodbridgeclassiccars.com” target=”_blank”>www.woodbridgeclassiccars.com |
    <a href="http://www.motelbusinessplans.com” target=”_blank”>www.motelbusinessplans.com |
    <a href="http://www.praguebusinessaddress.com” target=”_blank”>www.praguebusinessaddress.com |
    <a href="http://www.smallbusinessnetworkingclub.com” target=”_blank”>www.smallbusinessnetworkingclub.com |
    <a href="http://www.collegepacker.com” target=”_blank”>www.collegepacker.com |
    <a href="http://www.completecollegetennessee.com” target=”_blank”>www.completecollegetennessee.com |
    <a href="http://www.compassionthrougheducation.com” target=”_blank”>www.compassionthrougheducation.com |
    <a href="http://www.learniteducationservices.com” target=”_blank”>www.learniteducationservices.com |
    <a href="http://www.mycollegeplacement.com” target=”_blank”>www.mycollegeplacement.com |

    February 18, 2014 at 6:31 am

  26. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFUl2333444 facebook group vehicle poster Facebook Team Car Poster Break out Web traffic From FaceBook Teams. Use Facebook Vehicle Poster to obtain complimentary website traffic to your web sites!

    February 18, 2014 at 12:19 pm

  27. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUFiL4Kd_IU multi level marketing 2014 Check out this video concerning mlm 2014. Find out how this firm is utilizing associate marketing technology and network marketing with each other.

    February 19, 2014 at 10:57 am

  28. Many thanks for creating this remarkable information, it was precisely just what I was searching for. It’s often challenging to find valuable info supplied where the reader can recognize. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwGv6kBf6gM Scentsy

    February 20, 2014 at 9:11 am

  29. This http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3PluMw3-vU Ambit electricity rip-off video is a video making clear whether this company is genuine or otherwise. It is truly for folks which are currently exploring this possibility or maybe various other home based business also.

    March 1, 2014 at 3:09 pm

  30. wow, terrific article! I’m delighted i found this today since I do not generally acquire much time to read blog sites like this. Yet many thanks, very great material right here.

    Normally I am assessing videos! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44rss1fKnJQ ways to make money from residence

    March 1, 2014 at 3:17 pm

  31. never in my life have I viewed a lot of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Nt5aCJIAes home company opportuinites I assumed they misbehaved suggestions till I viewed this post, thanks for sharing your insight

    March 5, 2014 at 11:32 pm

  32. Hello everyone, it’s my first pay a quick visit at this website, and post is truly fruitful in support of me,
    keep up posting these types of posts.

    April 14, 2014 at 2:01 am

  33. Wow, fantastic weblog format! How long havve you ever been
    blogging for? you made blogving glance easy.
    The total lok of your site is magnificent, as smrtly aas
    the content!

    Here iss my page; работа в интернет (http://mstyle.lugansk.ua)

    April 15, 2014 at 5:22 am

  34. This piece of writing provides clear idea in favor of the new
    viewers of blogging, that truly how to do running a blog.

    My web page telecharger pdf creator – Birgit,

    April 21, 2014 at 6:38 am

  35. When someone writes an article he/she retains the plan of a user in his/her brain that how
    a user can know it. Thus that’s why this article is
    perfect. Thanks!

    Visit my web page; game of thrones season 1

    May 17, 2014 at 11:00 am

  36. Jason

    I agree with you about needing to remove yourself from certain situations. I was speaking more about not being able to change another persons behavior.

    May 10, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>