Being Single: How We Waste It.
Editor’s Note: Today, Max Dubinsky (my husband!) writes on being single, and how important it is to have a healthy mentality (and reason) for being single. No matter how long it feels, singleness is a relatively short period of life for most of us – and it’s so, so important to live it fully. Max blogs at MakeItMAD.com tweets at @MaxDubinsky. – Lauren
I haven’t spent much of my life being single. But I wouldn’t call it having a girlfriend either.
“Single” isn’t the right word, but it’s the first word that comes to mind.
It was keeping the opposite sex around to keep me comfortable. Because I thought that’s what I needed to be happy.
I needed women, in one way or another, to be content. To be satisfied with my life.
Being “single” was easy. I made the most of it. I went on all the dates I could fit into my schedule. Flirted with every woman I saw. I used pornography regularly, and I didn’t have to hide it from anyone. Being single was great. I may have been on my own, but I never had to be alone. I could be with anyone I wanted. Whenever I wanted.
You’re not making the most of being single if you’re still having sex outside of marriage.
You’re not making the most of being single if you’re using pornography.
You’re not making the most of being single if you’re fantasizing about someone else.
You’re not making the most of being single if all you can think about is finding a partner, and asking God why you DON’T have one yet.
Making the most of being single means being on your own. It’s just you and God. Being single is about discovering who you are, setting personal boundaries, knowing your likes and dislikes, your passions, and the desires of your heart.
If you don’t know these things about yourself, you’re going to date the wrong person. You will end up living a story that is unintended for you.
God will never give us anything we cannot handle. We always assume this means loss and suffering and sickness. You know, the “bad.” But sometimes God knows we aren’t ready to handle the “good” yet. Fame, fortune, and yes, even husbands and wives. His timing. Not ours.
It’s not your fault you want someone so badly. It’s natural. It’s how our hearts are wired. God made Adam. And God realized that it was NOT good for Adam to be alone. Men and women are meant to be together. We are meant to have someone to do life with. But Adam didn’t just GET Eve the moment he wanted her. Adam received Eve when God saw that Adam was ready. When God saw that it was NO LONGER good for Adam to be alone.
Are you ready? Truly ready?
The church has glamorized marriage. With all these good-looking, young couples around us marrying at 19 and 21, talking about how much sex they are having and how good it is to be married to their best friend. We want it, and we want it badly – who doesn’t?
But just like anything else, the enemy will take what is meant for good and use it to distract you from where God wants you to be.
The enemy loves that you so desperately want to be married, that you’re crying on your bedroom floor begging God for a boyfriend or girlfriend because you can’t handle being alone. That your attention is focused on finding someone to marry. He loves that you don’t think you will be happy until you find “the one.”
Because that’s right where the enemy wants you: so distracted with a desperate need for a relationship, you CANNOT live the life God has called you to while you’re single.
The way we build the Kingdom as single people is different from the way we build it within marriage.
And if all you’re praying for and thinking about is a future spouse, you’re missing the life God planned for you as a single adult. God sees His plans through to the end. He’s not going to give you “the one” until He’s completed the good work He intended to complete in you all along as an individual. It could be tomorrow, in a year, or ten.
He is a jealous God. He wants you for Himself, and he wants you to keep your life centered on Him.
Finding someone to spend the rest of your life should bring you an unbridled joy you’ve never experienced, but he or she cannot be your true source for happiness. Your future spouse–that very man or woman you fell in love with and thought could do no wrong–will fail you. This is why God needs us to practice keeping Him as our life-source before we bring another human being into the picture.
Making the most of being single is putting all your hope and trust in God. So when that person does fail you, they will never let you down. Because you’re hope is not in them to bring you happiness and a better life.
Because God is the only unfailing thing in this world.
Making the most of being single is taking the opportunity to become completely content in your relationship with Christ.
Making the most of being single is being 100% okay with being single.
Want to join us & pass this along to other women in your life?
Follow Good Women Project on Twitter: @goodwomenproj
Be a fan on Facebook: facebook.com/goodwomenproject
Subscribe to our email newsletter for insider updates here or subscribe to the blog here. Or both.
Everyone on our team is volunteer, and we are funded 100% by you. If you'd like to donate, you can here.
We're also doing fun stuff on Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest!