Ask A Married Woman: Should You Let A Guy Know You’re Into Him?
Editor’s Note: This month we are answering our readers’ questions to married women! Yesterday we talked about being single and feeling left out of “The Married Club” and on Monday we’ll be talking about how to be “sexy and seductive” when you’re a virgin or haven’t been sexually active for awhile before getting married. Today, one of our readers wants to know if she can let a guy know she likes him. – Lauren
QUESTION: How forward or obvious should you be if you are interested in a guy? Like should you let him know you are interested? Or just wait until he says/does something?
Valerie Bryant: The best way I know how to answer this is with a bolded, underlined, italicized, yes. Yes, you should let him know you’re interested! You know how anxious you are at the thought of letting him know you have feelings for him? Guys feel the exact same way. If we all just sat around not saying anything due to that fear and anxiety, there would be a whole lot of unrequited love in this world. Be bold; don’t rely on your actions or your flirting, which can always be misinterpreted or just plain overlooked. Simply tell him, “Hey, I love being around you, and I’m interested in dating you.” Armed with that information, let him pursue you from there.
Rhiannon Field: I was pretty obvious about my feelings with my husband (I actually kissed him first!), and it worked for us. Think about how difficult it is to put yourself out there. If you want a guy to ask you out, make yourself available (make your feelings a bit obvious). If you’ve made your feelings known and he still isn’t acting on them? I say go for it. If he says no, I promise you’ll be proud of yourself for being brave. No one ever gained anything valuable without ever taking a risk!
Prudy: I think I made the first move on my now husband. If you’re interested in a guy ask him to coffee — something simple and not a huge event. If it’s just he and you, he’s probably gonna get the idea.
Katy Hill: Just be honest. Looking back now, I wasted too much time wondering, “Does he like me or not?” Take some time to get to know them and, when you’re ready, have a conversation. It’s better to hear the honest truth and know either way than to constantly wonder. Plus, guys aren’t always in tune to how girls feel about them. We can think we’re being super obvious, and they’ll have no clue. Not saying they’re dumb; they just don’t think about things the way we do. Also, make sure you are confident in who you are first before you try to start something with a guy. It may sound cliche, but it’s the absolute truth!
Lindsay Satterfield: Take initiative and tell him — then let him decide whether or not he’s going to pursue you. You definitely want to be with a guy who is going to actively pursue you throughout your marriage, not just until he puts a ring on it.
Carley Lollie: Be yourself — as much as possible, do what you would naturally do. If this means telling him you’re interested, go for it. Honesty is the first rule of any good relationship.
Sarah Bessey: Take the first step, let him know you’re interested, absolutely. Be brave! But you shouldn’t have to talk anyone into loving you. So if it isn’t met, or if you are finding yourself convincing yourself – or him – that this is worthwhile, I’d start to move my heart onward. When you know, you know, and he will know, too. And then it’s amazing.
Lauren Dubinsky: I always feigned severe disinterest in guys I liked, because I thought that was “pursuing” or “initiating,” which is often a big no-no in conservative or religious circles. Consequently, I felt like I had zero control over myself when men were around. I said things I didn’t mean, acted ways I didn’t feel, and ended up believing I had no say in who I ended up with. It was just the guy that ended up being the most persistent. It finally clicked that healthy relationships are 50/50, and that means letting a guy know what I think and how I feel, especially if I’m crushing on him! About a year and a half ago, I gathered up every ounce of courage, disobeyed “the rules,” and told my now-husband I liked him and wanted to know where the relationship was going. Turned out he’d been crushing on me for months and just assumed I’d never go for him. RIDICULOUS. Lesson? Go for what you want.
To read more on this subject, you may want to check out “How do I act available without being too forward?”
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