They Do Exist.

Ask A Married Woman: Should You Let A Guy Know You’re Into Him?

Editor’s Note: This month we are answering our readers’ questions to married women! Yesterday we talked about being single and feeling left out of “The Married Club” and on Monday we’ll be talking about how to be “sexy and seductive” when you’re a virgin or haven’t been sexually active for awhile before getting married. Today, one of our readers wants to know if she can let a guy know she likes him. – Lauren

QUESTION: How forward or obvious should you be if you are interested in a guy? Like should you let him know you are interested? Or just wait until he says/does something?

Valerie Bryant: The best way I know how to answer this is with a bolded, underlined, italicized, yes. Yes, you should let him know you’re interested! You know how anxious you are at the thought of letting him know you have feelings for him? Guys feel the exact same way. If we all just sat around not saying anything due to that fear and anxiety, there would be a whole lot of unrequited love in this world. Be bold; don’t rely on your actions or your flirting, which can always be misinterpreted or just plain overlooked. Simply tell him, “Hey, I love being around you, and I’m interested in dating you.” Armed with that information, let him pursue you from there.

Rhiannon Field: I was pretty obvious about my feelings with my husband (I actually kissed him first!), and it worked for us. Think about how difficult it is to put yourself out there. If you want a guy to ask you out, make yourself available (make your feelings a bit obvious). If you’ve made your feelings known and he still isn’t acting on them? I say go for it. If he says no, I promise you’ll be proud of yourself for being brave. No one ever gained anything valuable without ever taking a risk!

Photo by Branden Harvey / / Design by Lauren Dubinsky

Prudy: I think I made the first move on my now husband. If you’re interested in a guy ask him to coffee — something simple and not a huge event. If it’s just he and you, he’s probably gonna get the idea.

Katy Hill: Just be honest. Looking back now, I wasted too much time wondering, “Does he like me or not?” Take some time to get to know them and, when you’re ready, have a conversation. It’s better to hear the honest truth and know either way than to constantly wonder. Plus, guys aren’t always in tune to how girls feel about them. We can think we’re being super obvious, and they’ll have no clue. Not saying they’re dumb; they just don’t think about things the way we do. Also, make sure you are confident in who you are first before you try to start something with a guy. It may sound cliche, but it’s the absolute truth!

Lindsay Satterfield: Take initiative and tell him — then let him decide whether or not he’s going to pursue you. You definitely want to be with a guy who is going to actively pursue you throughout your marriage, not just until he puts a ring on it.

Carley Lollie: Be yourself — as much as possible, do what you would naturally do. If this means telling him you’re interested, go for it. Honesty is the first rule of any good relationship.

Sarah Bessey: Take the first step, let him know you’re interested, absolutely. Be brave! But you shouldn’t have to talk anyone into loving you. So if it isn’t met, or if you are finding yourself convincing yourself – or him – that this is worthwhile, I’d start to move my heart onward. When you know, you know, and he will know, too. And then it’s amazing.

Lauren Dubinsky: I always feigned severe disinterest in guys I liked, because I thought that was “pursuing” or “initiating,” which is often a big no-no in conservative or religious circles. Consequently, I felt like I had zero control over myself when men were around. I said things I didn’t mean, acted ways I didn’t feel, and ended up believing I had no say in who I ended up with. It was just the guy that ended up being the most persistent. It finally clicked that healthy relationships are 50/50, and that means letting a guy know what I think and how I feel, especially if I’m crushing on him! About a year and a half ago, I gathered up every ounce of courage, disobeyed “the rules,” and told my now-husband I liked him and wanted to know where the relationship was going. Turned out he’d been crushing on me for months and just assumed I’d never go for him. RIDICULOUS. Lesson? Go for what you want.

To read more on this subject, you may want to check out “How do I act available without being too forward?”

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156 Responses

  1. Janessa

    Lauren – EVERYTHING you said described me perfectly until about 5 years ago! I have had a crush on my husband since I was 6 and finally decided he'd never go for me unless I made it hard for him to get away lol (I had just moved out of my parent's house at 22 and was a bit of a mess so he was understandably a bit gunshy). It was definitley me pursuing him for a while until he finally got it ;).

    July 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

  2. I disagree with most of the comments, or at least want to convey to the girls reading this that you have to decide what is most comfortable for you. Yes, it can be plaguing having feelings for a guy who is all the right things and loves and serves Jesus, but don't feel like because every girl on here more or less "went for it", that you have to as well in order to get a guy to marry you. Pray, ask your Father what is the best and most glorifying course of action, talk to godly ladies in your circle, and then decide. Your Dad loves you and is writing a beautiful and glorifying story with your emotions, feelings, relationships, and circumstances, that will certainly include pain, but will be for your good and His glory, and will never, EVER be absent of His presence and perfect love.

    All of that is to say, do what you think is most comfortable, and most in line with the Lord's heart.

    July 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

  3. Yes! When I was in primary school I would always tell whomever I liked that I liked them (eventually). It didn't ever go well, since we were like 5-10-12 &so-on. So by high school I was resigned to NEVER tell them. Then I had a poor experience with a crazy boy and got burned. A guy I had used to crush on but a friend liked him too ended up helping me get myself back together, and we became great friends. Then I crushed on him again. So after a while, I told him. And he was more than a bit put-off. But about 6 months later, when I was resigned to us just being friends even though I was crazy about him, he actually made a move and we've been together ever since. That was a year and a half ago. But I doubt he ever would have done anything if he hadn't already known I was interested! It took quite a bit for him to even get around to asking me out, too. He was nervous. It was cute.

    I love stories like all of these. SO great. <3

    July 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

  4. I respectfully disagree. First, I'll start by saying I'm a 30 year old single male so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt. The advice above seems to mostly be in the affirmative that you should initiate telling a guy how you feel and it's all coming from ladies who I assume are in loving, Christ-centered marriages. I can certainly appreciate the collection of knowledge from that group alone. That said I'm not here to rant against any point-of-view…obviously different approaches work for different couples. I can only comment on what I have discovered and what I believe to be the predominant feeling among men. I'll also add that I did really like what Prudy and Katy Hill had to say.

    To preface, I'm not missing half my teeth and I don't believe a woman's only place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. That said I believe there is a natural ebb and flow in the relationship between and man and women from the time they start dating and into marriage based on each gender's strengths, weaknesses, and purpose. It is absolutely 50/50 but what each member brings to the table is very different and essential. God created men to be hunters, builders, and spiritual leaders of relationships. We have a deep desire of danger, adventure, and risk-taking. Yes, a woman needs to make herself available. I can't stand it when a girl tries to play the hard-to-get games with me but you make it clear that you are interested in a man by making yourself available to him. Absolutely be responsive and interested and throw a little flirt in there. I believe we as men need to have the guts (out of respect for readers I'm using the word "guts") that derive from the way we were created to be a little risky and verbalize our interest in women even when our chances don't look good. That precedence then is played out in the relationship as the man pursues the woman and leads her in marriage as a servant. If a guy doesn't have the wherewithal to take a risk and ask a girl out, then what does that say about his bravery and confidence in himself?

    Trust me, we are often as insecure and unsure of ourselves as women are, but I believe women almost begin to placate us in our weakness when they decide to take initiative instead of motivating us to be stronger by making themselves available for the 'hunt'. Nothing gives a man the type of pride and confidence that he has in looking at a beautiful woman and knowing that he went after her and succeed. Again, I'm not claiming there is only one way because every man and woman is unique but just based on the laws of averages if you want to be pursued and swept up by the passion of a good man, allow him to step up to bat and take initiative. Show him you're interested in your response to him. If he can't even ask you to coffee, you might examine his maturity and confidence.

    July 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

  5. Laurel

    I completely disagree with about 90% of these comments about the way these women approached their husbands. Asking a guy out? The woman making the first move? If anything this is the feminist movement of our culture being spoken. What happened to godly men who pursue the women they are interested in? "Do not awaken or arouse love before its proper time." Song of Solomon 2:7. I don't have a problem with being kind and hanging out with a guy that you are interested in, but if he doesn't even have the guts to ask you out on your first date without you telling him to then that is a bad sign. We as women are not called to be the leaders of relationships. I think that letting the guy know that you like spending time with him and being with him is fine but actually asking him on a date is ridiculous.
    Here is an piece from a wonderful dating blog, "When a woman initiates the flirting, it can often communicate, “Hey, I’m an easy victory for you. No risks here. I’ll say yes.” The man can easily see that she’s desperate. He’s left with two choices: do I take advantage of her because I know I can get what I want or do I ignore this pitiful woman’s begging for attention? Either way the woman loses. The easier the woman is to win over, the more quickly the man will become disinterested. A woman certainly wants to communicate to a man that she is interested, but that communication must come after he has initiated with her – not before. Even though some guys don’t know it yet, they really do want to fight for the women they are attracted to."
    However I think it is wonderful that all these women met godly men, I just have a different view on dating.

    July 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

  6. Brooke

    I appreciate these ladies stories & I do think women could be more bold when it comes to the opposite sex. But as a 32 yr old woman who has been single most of her life & only found herself in relationships when she initiated, this advice can backfire – badly. These men were not guys who had guts, they were cowards who used me & treated me despicably, despite purporting Christian values. They were not men I should have ever been involved in & if I had not pursued them, nothing wound have happened & my heart would have remained intact. Granted I learned lessons from those situations, but the biggest was – quit wanting men that don’t want you

    July 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

  7. Emily

    Oooh, I really liked the post today because it countered one of the RULES of Good Christian Girlness: Don't speak up.

    But once women realize that women DO like boys, they DO have a voice, they CAN speak up honestly, and there ARE NO RULES OF GOOD CHRISTIAN GIRLNESS, then we flourish in so many thing.

    Hopefully, it leads to being able to stand strong against a man who doesn't put in his 50% of the energy, work, purpose, and fun into a relationship. I don't think any of those women were saying do all the work, or keep being into him regardless of how he responds, I think they were giving girls permission to make a move, any move, even the first one, rather than living "in the rules." Christian culture is often so much about the Rules that we stifle all relationships rather than letting individuals have the freedom and trust in the Holy Spirit to live bold lives of grace. If one of your PERSONAL rules, like Brooke's, is that the guy should ask you first, hold on to that! Celebrate it and speak loudly that you appreciate being asked out directly. However, don't make this personal preference or guildeline a rule for everyone else or for "Christian Dating."

    Who asks who out is not a MORAL quandary!

    I appreciate being asked out and treated well. But I'm very clear that I'm looking for a partnership where roles flow naturally based out of personality and circumstance rather than rules. My personality is very forward and a good relationship won't stifle my gifts of communication or directness.

    Oh, and Brandon, thanks for chiming in here! I'm glad you offered your opinion in a normally-girl centered space. It's awesome to have dudes hanging out here, too! :) I take issue with this, though: "God created men to be hunters, builders, and spiritual leaders of relationships. We have a deep desire of danger, adventure, and risk-taking." My personality makes me a precision hunter, a builder, and an excellent leader in life and relationships. I'm all about adventure and risk-taking and I know men and women who share these qualities. It has nothing to do with gender. Some men are like this. Some men are not. I love dating guys who are intentional and honest, but that has to do with the fact that I hold those values highly in my own life as well, not because they're "masculine" or "feminine" traits. Celebrate who YOU are, but I would encourage you not hold any men or women up to any standard other than love.

    Thank you all for responding to this question, married women! Looking forward to more great insight and surprising conclusions that offer freedom.

    July 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

  8. Tiffany

    I think that many people are interpreting these answers differently from their original meaning. I could be wrong, but I don't think any of these women are saying that women should pursue men in a relationship. I do think that a man needs some big hints sometimes that a woman is interested in him. I feel like it'd be hard if a woman was like a brick wall where a guy was unsure about how she felt and didn't want to ruin a friendship because he had no idea if she was interested. I know this is a silly analogy, but I feel like a woman can act like an unlocked gate – the guy can kind of feel like there's an opportunity there. But it's still up to him to take the initiative. No one's saying though, that a woman should be an open door that he can walk through, no problem.

    July 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm

  9. I think there is a big difference between being honest and forthright, and being the woman who pursues a man (with flirting or whatever her signature tool may be). Being honest with ourselves and others about who we have feelings for (and who we DONT have feelings for), is helpful all around. Just because a woman is honest about her feelings, does not mean she is forgoing the opportunity for pursuit. It only takes the "games" out of the dating situation which is a great thing for all parties involved.

    July 6, 2012 at 4:15 pm

  10. Samantha

    EVERY SINGLE ONE of these happily married women are wrong….

    …. All of you singletons are right.

    July 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm

  11. Lindsay Satterfield

    Have we so quickly forgotten that women are not the only ones hurt from prior relationships? Men are broken, too. Let's not crucify them for not jumping at the chance of potentially being hurt again and then turn around and say it's okay for a woman to do the same thing. Perhaps some initiative on her part could give him a boost of confidence to pursue her. I don't see any weakness or lack of maturity in that.

    July 6, 2012 at 5:09 pm

  12. Lena

    God designed marriage to reflect his relationship with the church. Just as he is the initiator, leader, and pursuer, so men are in a marriage relationship.

    If the woman has to begin the relationship as the initiator, she will have to continue playing that role to maintain the relationship. And trying to run a relationship (or anything, really) contrary to God's design only leads to frustration and dissatisfaction for everyone.

    There's nothing wrong with being open and sharing your feelings with your crush as long as you leave room for him to step up and be the man. And if he doesn't, then he's proven he's not worth your time anyway. :)

    July 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

  13. Sarah Fowler

    Even before I was a Christian I have had a “not man enough to ask me out, not man enough to date me” rule. This hasn’t always led to relationships with perfect guys, but I still think it’s a good principle in general.

    While I agree that guys can be damaged, shy, or fearful about possibly harming a friendship, I also would (like Brandon said above) have concerns about a guy’s maturity and ability to take initiative if he couldn’t be the first to tell me how he feels. I have a strong personality and am used to being a leader– I am the oldest of five, held management roles in college and now run my own business. For me to go after a guy means I risk wasting time and emotions on a guy I could ultimately never respect– one who would always need me to take initiative and lead the relationship. Jjust because you ask a guy out doesn’t mean you’ll walk all over him… but for me, it’s just a symbol of what could potentially be a larger problem.

    July 6, 2012 at 5:53 pm

  14. As a girl who has never been in a relationship, nor felt "pursued", I've questioned a lot if I was doing something wrong. I can 100 percent relate to Lauren's comment, about feeling all out of sorts around guys. But the one that stuck out to me the most was Katy Hill's. How we interact with guys, as friends or something more comes from our confidence. Knowing who we are, but more so, who we are in Christ. If I'm certain that is where my identity lies, then I can be myself by knowing they're acceptance of me romantically or just as friends, does not define me. I like how most of the women said to let the guy know, and then leave the rest up to him. No matter how confident I am, I still want a guy to pursue me. Whether or not I let him know how I feel is completely up to me.

    July 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm

  15. I so wish this was posted a few days ago when I did JUST THIS. I'm still trying to navigate through what in the world I'm supposed to do now.

    Also hey Lindz!!

    July 6, 2012 at 8:13 pm

  16. Stacie

    I see no usage of Scripture in your blog therefore I think it's wrong for this concept to be promoted on a blog for women seeking Truth. Now the issue of dating is not directly mentioned in Scripture. We can't really use Ruth as an example because our culture does not have the rule that the closest kinsmen is supposed to marry a widow. Song of Solomon is romantic, but it's more for those who have already made the marriage covenant and are enjoying each other as the Lord designed. So all we can look at the nature of God and how he designed us in His image. I agree with Lena's post about how Christ is the pursuer of our souls (the church). The marriage covenant is compared to Christ and the Church. Thus, men should be the pursuers. And if you ask any God-seeking man, I believe he would concur. Women are more emotional beings. It's how God created us which is a beautiful thing. But this also means that we make decisions based off our current emotions WAY too much. This is why the Bible says that women should not have authority over men in the church. Men are able to separate themselves from how they feel much more than we can. It's how they were created. I know I have wanted to date some men that now looking back, I praise God didn't work out. In the moment it sounded perfect, but we just weren't compatible.

    Now let me share part of my story. There was this guy I had a huge crush on! I mean huge! He was beginning to flirt with me as well. We were serving together at an youth outreach ministry at our church. We got to know each other pretty well and my affection for him just continued to grow. We talked all the time, but I never started a text conversation and I definitely never called him. If he wanted to date me badly enough then he would make that happen. And the feeling of being pursued like that is like nothing else. Well one night we finally had our "DTR" conversation which he initiated ever so sweetly. I could definitely tell he was nervous because he kept repeating himself. So I stepped in and told him exactly how I felt. By the grace of God we are on the same page. He made it very clear to me that he wanted to date me because he saw qualities in me that he wanted in a wife. But he also said that if God made it clear to him that he is not my future husband than he would submit to God's will. We dated for 6 WONDERFUL months. He continued to pursue me. We were engaged for 5 months. He continued to pursue me. Now we have been married for a year and 4 months with our first son due in October…AND he continues to pursue and romance me more than I could have ever hoped for!

    So all this to say…WOMEN- DON'T CHEAT YOURSELVES…BE PATIENT!! Like I said before, there is NOTHING like feeling pursued like that. Can you have a functional relationship if you make the first move…sure. But why settle?! Why not be romanced as Christ romances the church? Men love the pursuit! They love the chase and the mystery!! My husband told me that the fact that I didn't initiate anything or make any first moves showed my independence (or the lack of being a clingy girl) and security in Christ. He said it made him want to date me more.

    Let this be an encouragement to all of you single women! Hold out for a man that won't cheat you out of the pursuit! Be very cautious about who you are willing to forever submit your lives to as God-fearing women. Make sure it's a man that fears God as well and seeks Him. Make sure he is a man who leads by servant hood as Christ did. Make sure he is a man of God who is afraid to speak his convictions!! And let me remind you, marriage HAS to be a conviction or it's not right. And most of us marry someone we date. :)

    God bless!

    July 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

  17. If you like someone. Oh just get over it and tell them.

    Simple. End of story.

    July 6, 2012 at 10:21 pm

  18. Brandy

    so, I read this post, thought for a minute, and then went and asked my husband what he would have thought if back when we first met and he had a crazy crush on me, I had been the first one to say that I really liked him and wanted to date him.
    his brow furrowed a bit, he looked pretty confused, and slowly said…"well, it would have taken me awhile to process that. you definitely wouldn't have gotten any kind of answer right away."

    questioning further, if he'd ever had a girl whom he already had a crush on smile at him while in casual conversation and say something like "Gosh, I really like you!" or "Man, I love hanging out with you!", he would have been happy to hear that and taken it as a positive indicator, but even alluding to wanting to date him would have totally blown it for him.

    neither one of us can think of a guy we know that would respond well to a girl saying she wanted to date him. not saying those guys aren't out there, and I'm not hating on girl initiation (done carefully), but…single girls beware, depending on the guy you have a crush on it could totally blow your chances. proceed with caution. and much prayer.

    July 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm

  19. Jim

    Women should never take initiative and should only speak when spoken to. (sarcasm)

    July 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm

  20. lucy

    GREAT ADVICE. Guys these days are SCARED to initiate anything. Girls usually have to ask for a guys' number, ask him out, etc. It probobly has something to do with the idea that guys feel like they have to initiate everything, and therefore, they are intimidated. Girls intimidate guys, that's just the way it is.

    July 6, 2012 at 11:11 pm

  21. Emily Kate

    I am a big fan of GWP and read most of the posts. I generally stand by about 90% of what is put on here and really appreciate people's honesty and willingness to tell their stories. I read this article and honestly felt like I could have read the same thing in a bubble gum pop star magazine at the local super market. Why? Because it's silly, and so is this debate in the comments! Everyone is picking each other apart and taking scriptures out of context because truthfully there is NO SET RULE or unbiblical principal at stake here. Every relationship is different. Duh. This advice could be great, or it could turn out terribly and really embarrass a girl, but there is no way to know! I'm honestly amused by the strong opposing views that are being taken when each situation is totally different. My advice: pray about your motivations for telling him you like him or not. Decide what the Lord expects of YOU, not of a random panel of girls who had good experiences with that technique. Determine His will. Best of luck in your endeavors.

    July 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

  22. multicolored veins

    One time I asked a guy who had seemed interested in me for over a year, but had never said anything directly, what his intentions were and where our relationship was going. He decided to play the awkward, "I've always felt like you were a sister to me" card. Even though I was somewhat hurt by it all, and we ended up having a fairly awkward acquaintance-like relationship after that, I look back and I'm so glad that I conjured up the courage to stand up for myself and ask. There isn't always a happily ever after, but it felt good to just be open and honest.

    I guess at this point, as I read each comment from each of you married women, I agree with you all (hey, Ruth's story is in the Bible for a reason), but I'm terrified to ask. I second guess myself and how I've felt things with a certain guy has been going. And maybe that's pride, and I don't want to look dumb asking a question that he may never have thought about. I guess that's what's holding me back.

    July 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

  23. Saw your tweet earlier. Had to let you know you have support. I’m a new reader, love the posts!! And I used to be a “guys initiate, girls respond” girl….I have no idea about the subject now……I’d have to say it depends on the situation, the guy, the girl, and what the relationship is like to begin with. But as I’ve thought about it all day since i read it earlier, this concept that guys need to be the initiators in the relationship isnt In the Bible. I think God left it up to us to decide with the help of His Holy Spirit. Plus, I like what someone said earlier, if I may paraphrase, that we need to be ourselves, and Whoever we end up with will absolutely love us for it. The married women on here who didn’t “pursue” ended up with men who loved them for it; the married women on here who were bold and beautiful to their men ended up with men who loved them for it. Bless them, you, all!! Trust God with it all, we need to be our true selves, whatever is comfortable for us in these relationships, and let Him do the rest.

    I hope this all makes sense……sorry for any typos…..ive already lost this several times…. 

    July 7, 2012 at 12:36 am

  24. Lindsay Satterfield

    I pursue my husband daily, and he with me. Our marriage wouldn't function if it were any different. Why should he be the only one doing the pursuing? Because marriages are a reflection of how Christ pursues the church? And therefore we shouldn't pursue Him? And insofar shouldn't pursue our husbands in marriage? That's ridiculous. Purely ridiculous. And I have a theology degree, and I still think it's ridiculous.

    July 7, 2012 at 12:50 am

  25. Molly St Clair

    Believers can worry about dating once believers stop holding to worldly ideas and misconceptions about gender (e.g.- “Women are more emotional” or “Guys are the hunters”). That’s bull defecation.

    Some *people* are confident and can pursue relationships.

    Other *people* are timid or confused and could really use directions in relationships.

    Lauren, I’m glad your work is public so I can read what people are talking about these days in regards to dating and such, and I’m sorry some people react negatively to your honesty and try to make you feel guilty for not using specific Bible verses.

    There is no one way to approach relationships– ALL relationships are messy, whether between kids/parents or two same-sex best friends. The idea is to get to know the individual you may want a relationship with, and let the relationship form naturally (caution: this idea runs counter to courtship).

    July 7, 2012 at 3:13 am

  26. Hanna

    Oh goodness the controversy!

    Here's my story and my thoughts: I waited a while for my now-fiance to tell me he liked me. It wasn't like I didn't practically know it already. We hung out a lot, took walks one-on-one. In a way he was pursuing me, but he hadn't told me his intentions yet. So finally I told him I liked him and he took it from there… almost.

    Brett was newer in his faith and hadn't had a real relationship for years. He was figuring everything out, but I was impatient. I kissed him first, I put pressure on him to be a spiritual leader, and always initiated tough conversations before he was ready, when I should have been more patient and encouraging, letting him grow into a real leader in our relationship.

    All that to say – his pursual of you starts where you let it start. You do control that, to an extent. Every relationship is different. If you're playing hard to get (which, if you like a guy, why would you make it so hard?) then you're sending a lot of mixed messages. Tell him you like him, be the encourager and the good woman you're made to be, and fight your instinct to control him and the relationship after that, even when it's hard to be patient. I wish I wouldn't have given him that first kiss. He was going to do it! And I wish I wouldn't have been controlling and put pressure on him, because it was wrong and hurts the relationship, and because it's so awesome to see how HE decides to pursue me and lead me, not how I feel like I want him to.

    And remember, guys are people too. They have pasts and past relationships that have messed up their view of how to let a girl know they like her. Or make them not want to initiate altogether. A relationship is going to be imperfect, start to finish.

    July 7, 2012 at 8:34 am

  27. I believe a good woman could speak up but let herself be chased. At the end of the day, the GWP is a blessing for million of girls and is probably doing a lot more than all the negative comments these women posted it.

    July 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

  28. Claire

    Seriously, getting your feelings out in the open is a massive time saver. Those are my two cents. And I'm a girl.

    July 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

  29. When I met my now husband in college, I showed him my interest. And when he started trying to talk to me about it, I blurted out "I LIKE YOU" and turned bright pink. He was happy to hear me say it and said, "How would you feel if I told you that I reciprocated?" We still joke to this day that if I hadn't made the first move, he probably wouldn't have known one way or the other that I was interested in him! BONUS: I highly recommend "Jane Austen's Guide to Dating." It's an excellent relationship advice book, taking Austen's sensibilities and practically applying them to modern situations; that's honestly where I first learned the principle of "flirting isn't evil." In other words, show a man you're interested!

    July 7, 2012 at 11:05 pm

  30. Marta

    First of all, Lauren — THANK YOU for this post.

    To those who disagree:
    The whole purpose of this post, as I understand it, is to remind us, women, that we have the right to be open about our feelings if we want to be.

    It is not about pursuing.

    It is about letting the man know you are available. The difference is huge.

    Please, please, read the story of Ruth and Boaz.

    July 8, 2012 at 9:00 am

  31. Pingback: Ask A Married Woman: How Did You Go From Virgin To Sexy & Seductive? - Good Women Project

  32. Sarah

    A thought I had today (yes, I'm still thinking about this topic): Letting someone know you're interested isn't a marriage proposal.

    July 9, 2012 at 9:18 pm

  33. AML

    After reading this post, I was inspired to boldly step out and send this guy a Facebook message (less than ideal, trust me, but he's a friend of a friend, lives out of town, and this was the only way to get it touch with him at the moment). I kept it short and said, "Hey, ________. I don't know how long you're in town, but I'd like to grab coffee with you, if you're interested." I really tried to not over-communicate and say too much; all I was trying to do was put it out there that I'd enjoy spending time with him if he decided to do something about it. It's been a couple days and I haven't heard from him, so my question is this: do guys (even Christian guys) have a 2 or 3 day rule in which they delay reciprocating communication with a woman? Do guys really do that? Thoughts?

    July 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

  34. Miriam

    I love GWP, but very rarely do any of the writers actually write anything from the bible, which is beginning to concern me slightly. These posts are asking women, so obviously their opinion is welcome and desired. However, they give what they think and what we are led to take as Godly advice, then fail to back up (or oftentimes even base) said advice with God's advice (i.e. the bible).

    A pinch of salt (no pun intended!) is required when reading these posts, I feel.

    As a positive, I really do appreciate the work this community does to remove taboos, and build relationships and safe community for women. Great work, ladies :)
    And hi from the UK!

    July 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

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  40. Fiona

    context is important…if you have noticed that the guy has been somewhat interested and is taking a long time time for him to gather up courage to ask you to be more than a friend, may be it's time, you the woman help him out a bit by asking what he wants from your friendship…and that may be you are interested too….
    otherwise, I don't believe in seeing a guy in the street or someone you barely know, and tell him, hey I like you…that's botherline acting really inappropriately for a lady…

    December 6, 2012 at 8:19 am

  41. BethP

    I am loving reading through the archive of posts on this site!

    I'm in a situation at the mo where I'm falling for a guy at church. I started falling for him when he started giving me signs he was interested, but due to having been strung along by a guy a couple of years ago when he didn't actually like me, I'm afraid to let any of my feelings towards him out in case I end up hurt again. I also know that this guy's had a past of "sleeping around" before he came to Christ last year, or so that was the testimony he gave. I relate so much to what Lauren said in her answer to the question. I'm really afraid that I'm turning him off by acting so disinterested. I've barely had a decent convo with him and I really want to chat to him to see if there's something there.

    Basically, I'm lost in disbelief that he could fancy me…clearly some issues about how I perceive myself that I need to talk through with Jesus!

    Adding to the confusion is another guy who did actually ask me out, and he seems to be such a steadfast and righteous guy, but I couldn't find any attraction on my part. Sometimes I wonder if I've turned down something good…

    If we just keep praying and trusting, God will show us the way! x

    January 6, 2013 at 6:40 pm

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